Is he (ASD male) in love with me or obsessed?

[hello1234hello]

I first started talking to this guy with aspergers in the middle of 2018. He asked me out, but I said I wasn't ready for a relationship so I stopped talking to him. For the next 6 months, he proceeded to call me once a month every month (6 times total) despite me never picking up.

Finally, after 6 months, I answered his calls because I felt bad about it and we started talking. In these next four months (end of 2018/beginning of 2019) we talked every night up until 4 am. I started developing feelings strong feelings for him, and him for me, but I wasn't ready for a relationship (due to many personal issues which I won't discuss). So after these four months, I told him I couldn't speak to him anymore and he left it at that.

About a month later he got another girlfriend. I noticed that for the next several months (till August 2019) he kept tabs on all of my social media (i.e. watching all my instagram stories and even liking my first ever post on instagram). Around this time, he sent me another message and we started talking again. He kept asking me out, despite having a girlfriend.

It's now the end of 2020, and he is still waiting for me to go out with him. We did agree to be friends, and only act as friends, because he had a girlfriend. But to this day he insists that we go out.

This persistence though, has been something my friends have attributed to as some sort of obsession with me. What do you guys think, do you think he's actually in love with me, or is it something else? Is this normal aspergers behaviour?

tl;dr: guy has pursued me for 2.5 years and is still waiting

 

[VictorR]

Hello and welcome!

To start, a common saying is if you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person - i.e. that everyone is unique.

And of course, sometimes when ASD is paired with other conditions, such as OCD, how one may present themselves may be significantly different.

So to answer your question, no, it is not normal behaviour.

That being said, special interests, and getting deeply into them, is a trait. And where the special interest is a person (for whatever reason), and where they have difficulty understanding societal norms and cues, can inadvertently lead to behavior that may cross the line into what would be considered stalking. Ultimately where you draw the line is up to you, since everyone has their own tolerances of what they accept and don't accept, and of course, what one person may deem "cute" another person may deem to be "harassment".

I hope this helps.

 

[Moonhart44]

In my experience, most dudes do this. my married ex (he actually got married while still trying to win me back) had my phone number 2 years after our breakup and called me. I personally see it as a man's way of increasing his chances of having sex. i have received phone calls from men i didnt even have sex with (went on one date) and when i ask why they call me (do they want a relationship), they say they just want sex. I dont read into men who keep tabs on me, except one. There is one man who keeps tabs on me and i htink its really because he loves me. idk if he has moved on yet. but i am worried he stays single because he is waiting for me and i'm like >.>
:v
i dont encourage this behavior by the way. i am merely trying to relate.

 

[Judge]

What do you guys think, do you think he's actually in love with me, or is it something else? Is this normal aspergers behaviour?

Personally I suspect that you can find potential bigamists across the neurological spectrum in general. That perhaps the real question you might ask is whether this is about love, or simply conquest to satisfy one's ego.

I'm not suggesting that you merely walk away from him. You should RUN! Tragically not all relationships are about love or even obsession. Some are about power and dominance, no matter how flattering they may appear.

In essence, don't be played by such a predator.

 

[Mia]

Is this normal aspergers behaviour?

Not really. But then every person is different and influenced by many things. Some aspie men and women will 'ghost' you and disappear completely from your life. Others will follow you even on social media, but then again most neurotypical men and women might do the same. With the hope that you'll reconsider, to keep their options open. Or they want to discover what it is about themselves that caused you to break off dialogue with them. So they don't make the same mistake again with someone else.

It's actually really hard to say what this is about. When someone does something of that nature. And literally has nothing to do with Aspergers. If anything individuals with Asperger's will retreat and distance themselves in most situations.

 

[Fino]

I was like that with someone, except he did go out with me. I can't tell you if it was love or obsession. My first thought is that it was both.

 

[LunaticCentruroides]

Yup, this is why I don’t trust most men lol… Things like that happen all the time. So yes, he is obsessed with you and a complete dumbass that he does this, despite the fact that he has a girlfriend. An emotional cheater. You should be glad that you never came together. He would’ve maybe done the same thing to you as well.