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I'm depressed. I hate cliques.

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
All of it reminded me of my horrible college years. The reason I dropped out was poor grades but being a social outcast was the cause of my bad grades.
 

paloftoon

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
For some people, it's easier to go to a big group of people they don't know at all rather than people they might know. Everyone is different. Ever try meetup.com? This is a great website to meet people because it's based on an interest. So, you can always walk up to a person and talk about an interest you and the other person know about. Maybe you getting acquainted with someone else can help build into other things.


I know you crave a partner, but just from the random postings I read of yours, Tony, I don't think you're ready to go on a real date. I don't sense enough independence of self with not only general survival, but even enough social independence. If some people are not meshing with you well, you look for other(s). It's hard to do and tell because some people want to make you feel half-included and you don't always know until after time. Some people put you in situations that make you feel obligated to stay but they are able to navigate their boundaries to not let you in deeper even if you have enough to prove yourself otherwise.
I think online dating is good for you to consider as well- but I'd highly recommend looking for casual only. Keeps the pressure off of you and the other person for commitment, allows you and the other person to look or play around, and if you're looking for commitment, this naturally has people want more of an expectation of you than they might if you wanted only casual. Also, please play safe if you decide to go casual (condoms, maybe ask your doctor about prep.)
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
Thanks. So far you have all been kind unlike the last post. Like I said it was too much for me and I am "NEVER" going to try that again, especially at next month's park event.
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
This is what my friend said.
I think you're giving yourself challenges that are much more beyond what you are capable of right now. Not that you aren't capable of them at all, but it's a huge step to go from not being able to have conversations with people to thinking that you can step into a large group situation where a lot of different conversations are happening at once and that people are going to give you specific attention. There is not really realistic.
It was too much for me.
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
Thanks. So far you have all been kind unlike the last post. Like I said it was too much for me and I am "NEVER" going to try that again, especially at next month's park event.
Sorry @paloftoon i did not mean your last post I meant this post.
 

VictorR

Random Member
V.I.P Member
I also got weird stairs from a couple of women.

I can't speak for others, but it's very rare that I would stare at someone, and for me to do so, is a non-verbal way of expressing significant disapproval or displeasure, such as someone bumping into me with apologizing.

I'm rather concerned that you got stares from a "couple" of women, and that they were only from women and not men, and this happened when you had not otherwise interacted with anyone.

This suggests that you were likely making those women uncomfortable with your presence.

When one feels uncomfortable, it is often due to feeling threatened. This includes threats of physical violence, as well as harassment.

Sexual harassment includes unwanted sexual comments or attention, including leering.

I'm not saying that's what you were doing, but it seems that you may very well have been perceived as doing, especially since you made eye contact with multiple women and noticed that you were being stared at.

You may wish to discuss this with your counselor or psychologist.
 

MR TV

Member
You might try reading books on picking up women. I read some books on picking up women and they have lots of ideas for starting conversations with cute girls. So, I used to go to a nightclub and not know anyone and I felt stuck. Then I got these books on picking up girls and they had lots of ideas for starting conversations with girls and they suggested talking to 4 girls a night. So, I started going out once a week and starting conversations with 4 girls a night. Finally, I clicked with one and we started making out, which is a lot more fun than standing there by yourself. And then finally I met a girl named Jen and we dated for a few months. There's also someone on youtube who calls herself Marni, your wing girl. She has lots of ideas for flirting with girls. Sometimes, when I get a group of girls to talk to me, then suddenly a bunch of guys come over, to get in in the conversation, and suddenly, I'm surrounded by people!
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
You just don't get it. No one gets it. A book would not help. No matter what mood I am in or what medication I am taking I just can't go up to a girl I don't know and start a conversation. No matter how I imagined it in my mind I can't do it because rejection can make me suicidal.

It is a tiny bit easier if they are in a group doing something but even then I am usually ignored.

It's also the easiest if they come up to me which after years of nothing happening it happened seven times the past two months.
 
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MildredHubble

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
@Tony Ramirez What sorts of hobbies and activities do you enjoy? Perhaps you could look for some groups that meet locally that share your interests? When the focus is something shared I think this can break the ice a little easier.

Like for example, there are lots of hacker/maker spaces springing up everywhere. So if you like making things for example, you can join and visit as and when you feel like it and get chatting to people.

I'm sure there will be something out there that might be appealing to you personally :)
 

Hypnalis

Well-Known Member
@Tony Ramirez

It's ok that you have some constraints on what you're capable of doing. Difficulties with making an initial approach, and with making small talk are common among NTs too.

But ... you would still benefit from working on improving your situation.

The first step will be hard for you. I'm not even prepared to tell you what I think it is unless you explicitly invite me to. But if you never take the first step, why should things improve?
 

paloftoon

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Books can be impersonal and long. I'm not a fan of them. 1 or 2 maybe could be useful, but blah.
As for volunteer work, it's hands-on. So, even if you don't find someone, you're doing something useful for our world and helping a small piece of your community that needs it. Volunteer experience can eventually lead to a paying job, and this would make you much more attractive. Volunteering is a great way to put yourself out there. Don't do it to specifically just try to find someone, but because you like volunteering and because it's going to help you grow.

Maybe saving up for a pleasurable Nevada but more rural non-Las Vegas outing would be helpful for you. You can pay lots of money to be professionally pleasured. This can help get out some of your urges that you feel you haven't been able to obtain.

At 45, you might still be a bit youthful looking. There are probably elderly people and people in homeless shelters who may be truly interested in you for romance. I feel you would be "on their level" so to speak. Are you open to these kinds of people presently?
 

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