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I'm depressed. I hate cliques.

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
Once again my local park was doing a hangout. Got there earlier and sat and waited while they settled up.

By 6:15 it was loaded with people and once again no one came up to me. I was so bored I was listening to WWV time channel. I waited until 6:50 pm then I left listening to Gamadrone.
IMG_20221020_182439.jpg

Not one freaking person knew I was there.

Not only am I going to change the park review from 2 stars to 1 but I am never going there again.

Go ahead the people here and roast me I don't give a damn.
 
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VictorR

Random Member
V.I.P Member
Once again my local park was doing a hangout. Got there earlier and sat and waited while they settled up.

By 6:15 it was loaded with people and once again no one came up to me. I was so bored I was listening to WWV time channel. I waited until 6:50 pm then I left listening to Gamadrone.
View attachment 87222
Not one freaking person knew I was there.

Not only am I going to change the park review from 2 stars to 1 but I am never going there again.

Go ahead the people here and roast me I don't give a damn.

Assuming you're the photo-taker, you're standing rather far apart from the crowd. If this was the distance you maintained at the event, someone who was going to it probably wouldn't have realized that you were intending to be a part of it.

Body language plays a significant part in communications, and I wouldn't be surprised if the event attendees were thinking that you were someone who was observing rather than intending to participate, especially if you weren't initiating any conversations. (I notice that you mention no one approached you, placing emphasis on that, while not mentioning how many people you approach, suggesting that you did not approach anyone)

If you're not comfortable in approaching people, but wish to be approached, maybe you could buy and wear a t-shirt that says something like "please talk to me".
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
I was not that far away I also took that picture earlier. By 6:30 pm there were almost double amount of people there. I left at 6:50 pm.
 

Nitro

Admin/Immoral Turpitude
Staff member
Admin
V.I.P Member
Thank you. I just dreading when the usual posters reply here.
Question.
If you dread the replies you feel you will get from posting, why even bother?

If I had something that triggered me to that extent, I would simply avoid it.

Tony, you need help that is way beyond what anyone here is qualified to give you.

I suggest that you seek professional help in order to break your cycle.
 

Nitro

Admin/Immoral Turpitude
Staff member
Admin
V.I.P Member
Question.
If you dread the replies you feel you will get from posting, why even bother?

If I had something that triggered me to that extent, I would simply avoid it.

Tony, you need help that is way beyond what anyone here is qualified to give you.

I suggest that you seek professional help in order to break your cycle.
This is not an invitation for you to tell me I am wrong, it is sound advice I'm willing to give you.
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
No problem. The reason why I try the same things is hoping for a positive outcome but 99% of the time it's the same thing which is why I try it less. Example is I use to go to that park almost everyday. Now it's once a week or every other week. Future is never going back their again. You know the old saying "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" well I was fooled three times.
 

tree

Blue/Green
Staff member
V.I.P Member
It does seem like the same thing, most places you go.
You wait for people to approach you.

This might work if you had a golden retriever on a leash
or maybe a puppy in a sling carrier.

Or if you were showing a fun skill, like juggling.

What is it you do when you're out that would entice someone
to come over to you? If you saw you when you were out,
and you didn't know you, what about you would draw your
attention?
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
I chatted with my friend Justin. He cheered me up. He knows I have autism. He said that doing what I tried is too hard for me and even an normal person would not attempt to attend an event where they did not know anyone but they knew each other.
 

tree

Blue/Green
Staff member
V.I.P Member
It is important to have realistic expectations.

Going places where you don't know anyone can be hard.
Some people enjoy the anonymity though.
Being in a crowd without the pressure of having to meet anyone...
 

Misery

Photo-Negative
V.I.P Member
It's My Birthday!
Thank you. I just dreading when the usual posters reply here.

Dude, the "usual posters" say what they do because they want to help. I'm betting I come to mind when you say that, and I'll just put it this way: Do you think I'd waste my time if I wasnt ACTUALLY trying to help, or if I wasnt caring enough to help? The fact that I'm still trying to help despite your usual responses says something, though I'm guessing you dont see that.

People here want the best for you. But you dont seem to be able to see that.


Now as for the current situation, er...

I'll just echo what tree said: What are you doing that's going to make people come up to you?

But also, here's another one: People don't go to places like a bloody forest or a grassy park with the expectation of finding a partner or some nonsense... even if there's an event there (the area I live in does this sort of thing a lot, which is what happens when there's like 17 parks in easy driving distance). They go to a park because, you know, nature. Being outside. When an event isn't happening and the park is just, you know, a normal park, people often go there to get AWAY from others. To enjoy nature. Solitude is often a priority... often the entire goal. That's why people dont flock to parks in large crowds in most areas. In those cases, they are there for the direct opposite of what you seem to think these places are for.

And during an event? They're probably going with friends, parents, brother or sister, partner, or you know, people they know. Heck, maybe there'll be a group that's there as part of a business outing, who knows? They don't go expecting to end up married at the end of the bloody year to someone they met there. They don't even go expecting to make a new acquaintance.

And even if that WAS the case... nobody is going to go up to someone and start adoring them simply because they existed on a bench or whatever.

Seriously, the way you talk about these places is just not how any of that works. Nor is that what any of it is for. That may not be what you WANT to hear, but that is simply how it is... like it or not. That's not to say that there cant ever be exceptions, but... going in there EXPECTING to be the exception is silly.

Also I'm going to echo what Nitro said too: At this point, nobody here can help you get what you want, no matter how many of these topics you make. We advise... but nothing gets through, and you listen to none of it.

You need assistance on a level that nobody here can do for you. It might be time to seriously consider going to a professional, if you aren't already doing so.

There, I'm done.
 

Hypnalis

Well-Known Member
@Tony Ramirez

You get advice from the nicest and most patient people on the forum.

The others pay attention when you tell them you don't want advice on how to achieve your life goals.

They're conforming to a famous piece of advice that (abbreviated) is:
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them".
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
And during an event? They're probably going with friends, parents, brother or sister, partner, or you know, people they know. Heck, maybe there'll be a group that's there as part of a business outing, who knows? They dont go expecting to end up married at the end of the bloody year to someone they met there. They dont even go expecting to make a new acquaintance.
My friend Justin said the same thing. His wife said she could never go there and talk to people who didn't know anyone, but they knew each other. Made me feel better.
 

Misery

Photo-Negative
V.I.P Member
It's My Birthday!
My friend Justin said the same thing. His wife said she could never go there and talk to people who didn't know anyone, but they knew each other. Made me feel better.

Aye.

It's important to always remember that.

I know at big events it LOOKS like pretty much everyone is mingling with everyone else, but it's very, very rare that this is ACTUALLY true. Mostly, people stick to the groups they came with, whether it's friends or family. I mean, think about it, dealing with new people can be scary, even for NTs. And dealing with new people at a crowded event where people are tense and excited (and possibly drunk or full of caffeine or sleep deprived) can be very problematic. Best not to interact too much with random people at big events. It's safer that way.

Typically, when random people do interact with each other, it's usually very small things, like a quick "hello" when passing someone by in a hallway, that sort of thing done just to be polite. Or maybe asking someone a quick question about where something is located. That sort of thing.

Source: A bazillion conventions. Which have WAY more people than events that take place in parks (seriously, too many people).
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
The park does this type of event once a month on the third Thursday of the month. But yes, when I go to the park, I am going to the one closer that has no events, not as many people or dogs. The only reason I went to the other one was there less noise from the streets.
 
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