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I wouldn't want to care for someone severely autistic

I don't think you are a hypocrite at all!
If you can't handle someone who is serverly autistic, then why should you?
There is only so much that a person can handle.
It is up to you if you can handle it, and it is up to you if you want children. We all know that the spectrum brings alot of sympthoms with it, and if we know what it can be like it only brings insight.
Lately I have been thinking the same thing with other factors, what if I happen to get a daughter (example wise) who turns out to be like me? (note: Right now not in a good place, I am not going to give details but you can say feelings relateable to being depressed. It is going to be okay so I don't want to talk about it and this is not my own specially created thread so the focuss must be on that.)
 
I would love to be a father someday, but I wouldn't want a severely autistic child. It'd just be a lot of extra stress. If my child does end up being (probably unsurprisingly) on the spectrum, I'd rather them have a more mild case.
 
I’d like to think I could,

I tend to agree with @Pats when she writes ‘It’s different when they’re yours’

But wouldn’t really know until I was in such a position.
 
I have a cousin who has autism and mild intellectual disability. She is 20 and has the intellectual age of an 8 yr old. She loves to wear colorful clothing (tulle tutu skirts, shirts with animals, my little pony, buterflies, etc, leggings with pictures, big hair bows, and twinkle toe shoes). She also likes things a kid would like such as Nella and The Princess Knight, Vampirina, Doc McStuffins, Pokemon (especially the pink ones such as Sylveon), etc. she loves to run around - usually flapping her hands as she runs, and jumping on a mini trampoline. on

She is fantastic behavior wise. She is verbal and able to talk, and is nice to others.

Her struggles are more academic\learning based, such as not being able to do Kindergarten math or having the reading level of a 3rd grader, among a couple of other things.

She doesn't have friends (yet). She isn't in a job and does not know how to drive and she also has food allergies.Her dad literally just stopped bringing her to school around 13-14 because he just didn't care.

She hasn't received services\support like others with Autism or Mild Intellectual Disability.

She does not need 24hr supervision or needs to be in an institution. she's able to wait by herself in her dad's house (all doors tightly locked) for several hours until he comes home from work.

I have a adopted sister who is 13 yrs old and has Autism and Mild Intellectual Disability as well. My 20 yr old cousin is the only family member to actually have autism and a mild intellectual disability along with food allergies- nobody else in the family has any type of condition other than her.

I am not sure how things will turn out for her further in the future but I recently found out about this residential school for those with intellectual disability, autism, etc and basically it is a live in school for adults for academic skills, life skills, job skills\training, social skills,independent living, being away from home, learning transportation such as busses and so on. The good thing about it as well is there is no age limit and the student can stay as long as they would like - only downside it's expensive.

If it's not possible for the school then I will try to help her with these skills.

As of now though she is still doing well. On the weekends are usually her dad taking her to the stores for groceries or looking at the toy store. At home during the week she spends time with the cats and has her stuffed toys and may watch some favorite shows.
 
Graphin said:
what if, you do get a severly autistic child?
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I'd still love the kid the same, but I'd be put under more stress. I'd let one of my parents or siblings (most likely my brother) or something to take care of the child for me at times I am unable to, though. And, yes. I will pay them.
 
Joshua Aaron said:
I would love to be a father someday, but I wouldn't want a severely autistic child. It'd just be a lot of extra stress. If my child does end up being (probably unsurprisingly) on the spectrum, I'd rather them have a more mild case.
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I think we are forgetting the fact that having a child in general is a craps shoot. You never know what you're gonna get. And autism is just one of many defects that you child could have. Both mental, as well as psychical. Having a child is a gamble not matter how you put it.
 
While I have my challenges I still have it good. I'm grateful my case is mild and not severe. Wouldn't want to experience being severely autistic.
 
Honestly, I've found NT kids to be more exhausting for me than anyone I've met or worked with who has a disability, even a severe one. I like NT kids, but they exhaust me quickly, especially when they are little. For some reason non-NT kids don't exhaust me, even when they are objectively more difficult to deal with, and even when they still act the same way when they grow up. Of course, I may not actually want any kids at all because I like plenty of time and space to myself, so it may not really be relevant except for my job.
 
Joshua Aaron said:
I would love to be a father someday, but I wouldn't want a severely autistic child. It'd just be a lot of extra stress. If my child does end up being (probably unsurprisingly) on the spectrum, I'd rather them have a more mild case.
Click to expand...

Graphin said:
what if, you do get a severly autistic child?
Click to expand...

FreeDiver said:
I think we are forgetting the fact that having a child in general is a craps shoot. You never know what you're gonna get. And autism is just one of many defects that you child could have. Both mental, as well as psychical. Having a child is a gamble not matter how you put it.
Click to expand...

It may be a gamble; it may be a risk but if you want to raise a child and you think you can provide for the child's needs including love (it may be hard), then why worry about what might* happen? Especially when we don't yet know statistical probably or the way the genetics work in regards to autism. I've heard it can be genetic, environmental and also epigenetic in origin.

Anyway, I think that if you know children (autistic or not) wouldn't work for you for one reason or another, its good you know that!

But if you want a child and think you could handle it that's good too!

I had a daughter last year and I was so nervous when I was pregnant that she would have so cystic fibrosis (I'm a carrier) and I spent a lot of time worrying how we could care for her, if we could care for her etc but she doesn't have cystic fibrosis.

Also, we're not sure about autism with her. She has some signs but maybe those are just her quirks. At this point, I love her so much it won't matter but depending on if she is and where she is on the spectrum, it could be very challenging.
 
Starfire said:
We do know the statistical probability of having a child having autism. The latest research suggests 1 - 59 children born will be on the autism spectrum.


Data and Statistics on Autism Spectrum Disorder | CDC
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That's the statistical probability over the entire population. This doesn't take into account the fact that it may run higher in some families due to things like genetics and be less prevalent in others.

Sorry, my phrasing was poor. Statistical probability in correlation to genetics is more what I meant
 
Reirei said:
That's the statistical probability over the entire population. This doesn't take into account the fact that it may run higher in some families due to things like genetics and be less prevalent in others.

Sorry, my phrasing was poor. Statistical probability in correlation to genetics is more what I meant
Click to expand...

I love scientific thinking when I spot it. :grin:
 
FreeDiver said:
I think we are forgetting the fact that having a child in general is a craps shoot. You never know what you're gonna get. And autism is just one of many defects that you child could have. Both mental, as well as psychical. Having a child is a gamble not matter how you put it.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I know that. I just learned that in my biology course.

I just don't want my child to have severe autism. I just don't want that kind of life for my kid.
 
My mother when she was working as a Waitress, her co-worker said to her "Is your son Autistic?" And my mum retorted with "No, %^$# no." Over time, her opinion on my Asperger's changed. She basically improved me, i owe my life to my mother, she hired specialists and hired a speech pathologist. And with all that therapy. I am who i am now, and i can totally understand. But, i believe with enough effort and love and caring. That severely autistic child can lead a normal life, and yes this is different with everyone. I was extremely naive, sometimes i still am. And i do worry that if i have children, his/her level of severity could be different to mine. But, regardless i would love my child with all my heart. No matter what.
 
I wouldn't even be able to handle a NT child. I can't even tolerate just babysitting my brother. The over stimuli of high-pitched noises, the attitudes that just make me wanna go off, the playing victim act, taking the blame for his actions, etc. And my family wonders why I'm "defensive".​
 
FreeDiver said:
I still wonder if this is the reason my mom and my grandma became alcoholics. I still don't know how much of a burden I was on my mother and how much of a burden my mom was on my grandma. It's hard enough as it is to make ends meet and I still don't have any children. I can't imagine how much of a burden it would be to raise a normal child. Let alone, a disable one. This misery has been handed down 2 generation in my family. I think it need to end here and that's my choice.
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Probably an incredibly wise choice. Much love.
 
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