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Featured I wouldn't want to care for someone severely autistic

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by SunnyDay16, Feb 13, 2019 at 10:46 AM.

  1. SunnyDay16

    SunnyDay16 Well-Known Member

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    I know I probably will get some backlash for saying this, as I'm on the autism spectrum myself. With that being said though, I couldn't imagine being the parent of someone who is so severe on the spectrum that they would be dependent on me forever and need 24 hour care/supervision. That would be a life sentence to me.

    I feel like a hypocrite, but I don't feel I would have the mental energy or the patience to do that. That's part of why I don't plan on having kids, because what if they turn out worse than me. I don't think I could handle it.

    That's why I'm not entirely against institutionalization and group homes if the situation calls for it. The amount of work and sacrifice it takes to care for somebody severely disabled is nothing to joke about, and the family can suffer if they don't have enough resources. I don't like how the media makes it seem that having a disabled person in the family is all rainbows and sunshine, or that it's not a huge responsibility and burden on the family. It can wear down your patience, energy, and emotions.
     
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  2. Graphin

    Graphin Serial conversation Killer V.I.P Member

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    SAME HERE

    whether it is better than no child is another thing though.
     
  3. Joel's Hear

    Joel's Hear Chicklen Duck Kwale

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    image.jpeg
    I could see how you might expect to receive backlash, but you won't get it from me. I think you're brave for saying what you said. That friendly baby boy is severely autistic. He gets upset when he can't find the right word (he knows so very few). He screams when upset. Constantly. It feels like someone is constantly blowing a shrieking whistle in my ear. I want to either hide or die or both. But, I've never met a more wonderful friend then him. He has so many more needs than my other children and can be downright ornery but there is a certain angelicness that Baby Gabriel has that makes me believe he is entirely right for what he is.
     
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  4. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard

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    This is why I probably won’t be having children. Any child will bring a lot of extra stimuli, but I’m afraid of passing on my bum genes and conceiving a severely autistic child.

    I wouldn’t be able to care for it properly because I would most likely get overstimulated. I would also feel infinitely guilty if I had an autistic child, because I would have passed on my autistic genes in my own selfish desire to procreate.
     
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  5. GrownupGirl

    GrownupGirl Tempermental Artist

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    I don't want to care for any human, I only like to care for animals. Animals are completely non-judgemental, why can't humans be that way? Because we're too intelligent?
     
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  6. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I always tell myself I wouldn't have the patience, but, like with everything else involved in kids - when they're yours I'd say it's different. I don't have patience to take care of other people's children period - especially is they're whiney or needy or loud. But if mine had been all those things it would not have bothered me. Like changing diapers - someone else's gag, but your own - no big deal. But I do greatly admire those who do choose to care for their children with whatever needs they may have. It's like that old saying - love is blind. Love is also deaf, love is odorless, love is all roses - you don't mind the thorns. :)
    A standing ovation to those wonderful parents.
     
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  7. Peter Morrison

    Peter Morrison Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Not everyone has the temperament for extreme care giving. Some people have enough trouble keeping their own lives functioning and should not be in charge of others if the task is too overwhelming. I'm not a fan of institutionalizing special needs people, but in some cases it is the best of all possible alternatives.

    I have always subscribed to the idea that families should remain together as much as possible. You should always do your best to accommodate the needs of your family members, even if it includes acquiring special care professionals or doing home modifications. The burden of necessary time and attention needed to properly care for someone falls on the primary parent or guardian. This person is likely to need some serious professionally trained assistance to get through every day of care of a loved-one's life. It's a really tough call, but the responsibility and authority rests with the parent. They are the primary decision-maker.

    I admire nurses who have the compassion and patience to skillfully tend to people day after day with the kind of upbeat optimism that patients need and appreciate while under medical care. It's a special personality that can do this kind of work. I know that I do not possess these skills myself. I'm much more matter-of-fact about things and I lack the amount of compassion needed to manage people who are experiencing physical and emotional distress. That being said, I would always do my best to care for any family member in need with whatever energy and expertise I could muster up. You simply give what you can give, but sometimes it isn't enough. Some cases require professional intervention.
     
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  8. Graphin

    Graphin Serial conversation Killer V.I.P Member

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    Just, I am yet to see something of that kind that actually is working out well.
     
  9. SunnyDay16

    SunnyDay16 Well-Known Member

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    There is work that needs to be done, for sure. There has to be more resources available.
     
  10. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I'd find it very hard. I have problems of my own, sensory issues, etc. I also need to be independent and would find it hard to have such an obligation and responsibility - a person entirely, or almost entirely dependent on me. This is one reason why I never had children - not because I think they will be severely autistic, but because I think that I wouldn't be able to cope and that I might not be a good parent for that reason. But I think that it would bring me joy, too.
     
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  11. FreeDiver

    FreeDiver How long can you hold your breath? V.I.P Member

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    I still wonder if this is the reason my mom and my grandma became alcoholics. I still don't know how much of a burden I was on my mother and how much of a burden my mom was on my grandma. It's hard enough as it is to make ends meet and I still don't have any children. I can't imagine how much of a burden it would be to raise a normal child. Let alone, a disable one. This misery has been handed down 2 generation in my family. I think it need to end here and that's my choice.
     
  12. oregano

    oregano Jefferson Republic, future resident

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    Like the rest of you, I chose to be childfree as it's called because I don't want to pass on the bad genes that my parents gave me to a child, and because I simply don't have the temperament to care for a child, autistic or NT. My parents always thought I would change my mind because they are simple people and always wanted grandchildren and never thought of the future. My mom admits that when she had me she just wanted a cute baby to hold and she didn't think about anything that might go wrong later. I too have a problem with living with other people under the same roof. I can't tolerate roommates, much less a wife and kids.
     
  13. Stardust Parade

    Stardust Parade Member

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    I can attest to what you're saying. I'm a nurse for a special needs kid (I spend an 8 hour shift taking care of them in their home) with a lot of medical issues. I enjoy it for the most part, but at the end of the day I get to go home. The parents on the other hand don't have that option. This is what they have to deal with every day 24-7. There isn't really a break for them except when the nurse is here, and even then they are still "on call". They have pretty much no life outside of caring for their daughter, who is in a persistent vegetative state, tube fed and has been that way since she was born.

    As for myself, I've never wanted to have any children and am child-free.
     
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  14. SunnyDay16

    SunnyDay16 Well-Known Member

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    It is definitely sad for everyone involved, including the daughter, who never asked to be born that way. I don't care what anyone else says; I would never want a potential future child to be born like that.
     
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  15. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    I can't tell a lie as George Washington once said, so it immediately irritated me that somebody might not like me because of the word autism !but I couldn't care for anybody I can barely look after the cats .
     
  16. Major Tom

    Major Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    At first when I started reading this, I thought I was going to be irritated, but you hit on a lot of things right on the head.
    My son is severely autistic, I've done a lot of difficult jobs in my life (which I won't get into)... My son makes every one of them seem like they were nothing. He is the most difficult person I've ever experienced and sometimes it's hard to see a lot of positives. The thing is, when those positives shine through, they are like little mini miracles. They give me a new understanding of life.I can say for sure that I never knew real love until he came around.
    You are wise in choosing to not having children, it's a solid decision for people like us, with all the sensitivities we have, a baby is really a difficult thing to handle. I also believe autism is hereditary, so you run a greater risk of having an autistic child. I don't know if that's scientific, but in my family (which is large),there's 12 diagnosed cases of autism. Including my son and I.
    Being a parent is a lifelong job to begin with, but to know you have to care for someone you love greatly for the rest of your life and then toss them to the wolves when you die is a heavy burden to bear.
     
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  17. Mathalamus

    Mathalamus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    i happen to agree..... but if i ever had a child that is severely autistic, i would have no choice but to care for him or her myself. i seriously doubt that i would be able to have the kid put in an institutionalized home. the consequences would be too severe for me to outright ignore.
     
  18. Ylva

    Ylva Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    No worries. I can't imagine having a child at all, NT or ND, at least not in a happy way. I would not want any kind of children given any life situation whatsoever. So you won't meet judgment from me.

    Animals bond with humans to survive. Pretty sure they judge – at least, my dog judges people who don't like me.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2019 at 9:14 PM
  19. JDShredds

    JDShredds Member

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    You won't get backlash from me because I don't see you as being hypocritical - I see you as being self-aware and responsible. Its not hypocritical to know you're not cut-out to take on that role.

    A normal kid is too much for me (and also, I simply don't want it and don't understand most people just doing it because "that's what you do" - I just don't get it). A severely autistic child would be quite a challenge on top of that, that's just reality.
     
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  20. Adam Hakeemi

    Adam Hakeemi Active Member

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    I know how you feel, because I give my parents hell. So you won't be getting any negativity from me.