I really have no friends.

[Tony Ramirez]

Now after a long thought with all the people that I encounter from my life groups, church, yoga and pathetic attempts to socialize at the park. I actually don't have any friends. I just have acquaintances, people who acknowledge me as a person. They talk to me. They might rarely hang out with me but when I really need them they are not there.

Example was Thursday when I felt depressed after felling socalilly isolated at the park event. Reaching out to my Thursday life group and hearing nothing back. Except when someone else from the group texted something unrelated and they replied in droves. It was so annoyed I put my phone on silent. Then I see the husband on Sunday and see some of them are in a close WhatsApp group.

I also follow a few of them on Instagram who say we are going to hang out yet they go on road trips and flight trips with there real friends cross country all the time but with me we go no where.

So, I guess my acquaintances really suck and I have no friends. Now I don't want to hear that crap like your better off without them and your own friend. I really wanted true friends and a girlfriend. I have neither.

 

[paloftoon]

In terms of being able to travel, do you have the money to go with them?
I think I remember you living with family and not having a job. If you don't have enough in common with others or if you are unable to offer them enough of something they want, you won't be able to fit in. I know this feeling. Heck, even if I have enough to offer others, I get rejected based on my race probably.

Quality socializing is not easy!

 

[Tony Ramirez]

So I have no job. Blame my autism and me dropping out of college because I had no friends there was the reason for poor grades.

 

[Dagan]

If I didn't do the kind of artistic work that I can offer...I don't think I would have a single person other than two people that would talk to me (aside from this awesome forum or such). I kind of feel like that's the whole world and the reality of these days, though. I think people are more apprehensive to have to need others' help or at all. I definitely feel like people are more apprehensive to want to help anyone else because it seems like there's a lot of people trying to take advantage of others.

Don't let this worry you or get you down. As much as we are considered to be so, so selective, everyone else is, too...they just don't realize it.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

@Tony Ramirez, I can empathize. I really wish I could give some sound advice, have you take it to heart, give you the mental tools that allow you to have meaningful and lasting and loving relationships. The thing is, I have some sense of what it takes for all of this to happen, but the reality is that my brain, and likely yours is not naturally wired up for this. It would take a lot of mental energy and masking and rejecting our natural impulses to change our behaviors. It's so hard to describe to other people because it just comes so naturally to them. They just don't understand how hard it is. It's literally work, a lot of work, to create and maintain a relationship. I have enough mental energy for my wife, and my wife alone, even at the expense of my own children in some cases.

The reality is that I think it was just dumb luck that some girl found me, gave me the right attention, and I had the courage to pursue her enough for her to want to be with me. I was clueless, and stupid, and didn't know what I was doing, and yet, she stuck with me for some reason. If had not been for this random, but very special person, I would likely be in the same situation as you. I don't have friends. Not one. I have acquaintances that I enjoy being around, some of my co-workers, but other than that, that's the extent of my social life. I cut ties with my family. I don't like the chaos of people in groups. I just deal with people in small doses as best I can.

I know this is distressing for you. I think I would feel the same way if I didn't have someone to come home to. I don't have the right words, but I do have some understanding, at some level. I wish I could help.

 

[Slime_Punk]

In terms of being able to travel, do you have the money to go with them?
I think I remember you living with family and not having a job. If you don't have enough in common with others or if you are unable to offer them enough of something they want, you won't be able to fit in. I know this feeling.

This is a really good point, because sometimes we can even be excluded from 'the group' simply because others know we don't have the means to just up and leave for a weekend like they do, or because having to foot the bill for somebody extra can be a bit taxing. It might not even be all that personal at all, just a matter of what certain people get together and do.

Honestly, it's hard to have any kind of social life without traditional income and employment, myself included. I'm a recluse by nature and preference, but even if I weren't, hanging out with my 'equals' would also be other people without jobs and cars -- where would we even hang out, right?

(Obviously we are worth more than that when it comes to family, spouses and things like that, but otherwise). Life is weird, I think that's just what it boils down to. You're definitely not as alone in this as you might feel.

Also, acquaintances are worth more than you're thinking. Especially if you help them and they help you with things when times are tough. That network is still strong.

 

[Rodafina]

Example was Thursday when I felt depressed after felling socalilly isolated at the park event. Reaching out to my Thursday life group and hearing nothing back. Except when someone else from the group texted something unrelated and they replied in droves. It was so annoyed I put my phone on silent. Then I see the husband on Sunday and see some of them are in a close WhatsApp group.

Tony, being friends with a group is an incredibly difficult thing to do. Have you tried talking to any individuals in the group? Maybe if you focus more on trying to connect with individuals instead of the group as a whole, you would have more success.

I know for me, it would be extremely difficult to feel connected to a group, but I may be able to feel connected to one person in the group.

 

[VictorR]

So I have no job. Blame my autism and me dropping out of college because I had no friends there was the reason for poor grades.

I'm not sure how any of those are related to the others?

There are many autistic persons in this very community with jobs.

There are also many who struggled to make connections in school but yet did okay academically. (and of course, even for those of us who completed one or more degrees, our jobs might not directly related to our fields of studies)

 

[Ursus Chainus]

Tony,

I truly understand this feeling.

I don’t actually understand what a friend is. What does that mean for me? I spent time trying to understand that. Even though I am married, I still spend lots of time trying to find connection.

Understanding what I want and need has helped me to a degree. On some levels, I will always feel alone.

The “NT” world makes us promises that it cannot keep. There are compromises though. Look for those.

 

[SusanLR]

I never really understood what a friend really is either.

I've had a few relationships that might be called by others, friends with benefits?
My definition of boyfriends that I had fun with for a day or a few hours, but I never wanted to be with them for more than just that.

What few I thought were friends, meaning someone who shared same interests and enjoyed their occasional company without any sexual connotations, never lasted very long.
They soon went their own way and that was it.

I could share a few laughs with fellow co-workers where I did have employment.
At the end of the day that was all it amounted to. Never hung out with them or anything.
Friendship was not something I actively seeked. There was always an element of anxiety on my behalf.
The boyfriends were grace notes that just happened.

The only people I felt at ease with and enjoyed were my parents.
After all, I'd known them since birth, and we enjoyed activities in life together.
It was the only time I felt loved and no need to mask.

Now I live with a house companion in a platonic relationship. My tennis partner. Someone for companionship and affordable rent. Still, I feel alone, just as I do with everyone else.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Now after a long thought with all the people that I encounter from my life groups, church, yoga and pathetic attempts to socialize at the park. I actually don't have any friends. I just have acquaintances, people who acknowledge me as a person. They talk to me. They might rarely hang out with me but when I really need them they are not there.

Example was Thursday when I felt depressed after felling socalilly isolated at the park event. Reaching out to my Thursday life group and hearing nothing back. Except when someone else from the group texted something unrelated and they replied in droves. It was so annoyed I put my phone on silent. Then I see the husband on Sunday and see some of them are in a close WhatsApp group.

I also follow a few of them on Instagram who say we are going to hang out yet they go on road trips and flight trips with there real friends cross country all the time but with me we go no where.

So, I guess my acquaintances really suck and I have no friends. Now I don't want to hear that crap like your better off without them and your own friend. I really wanted true friends and a girlfriend. I have neither.

Keep going to church, God loves you and wants to see you happy. Pray and talk to him.
Remember how you said that lady in church was polite to you, there is hope.
Someone will see ur value.
You have a friend in Jesus
I do not know you but I love you.
I see how hard you are trying and you are a good person and a valuable and worthwhile person.
You are a person who is deserving of a lot of love and will find it. God wants that for you too.
Life can be lonely for some, do not give up

 

[paloftoon]

Tony, I would recommend you volunteer at a homeless shelter and maybe try to make friends with people there. Your current situation is most like people who live there, and it's easier to get along with people who are in a similar circumstance to you. Only difference is that Tony, you have a family that gives you meals and a place to stay whereas people in the shelter are depending on the shelter.

By volunteering, this gives you experience. And you can try to apply for a job from there.
Also, while it's more than aggravating, a lot of people don't want to work restaurant or retail jobs. You could pick up maybe a cleaning job or stocking shelves or something like that that is necessary work but where the social interaction might not be too overwhelming. Having a job and making money can command the respect you're looking for possibly, and just make you a better person overall for yourself if no one else. Having a job is also attractive to women.