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I Must Have A Sign Over My Head

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by Emzical, Jan 12, 2018.

  1. yes, all the time

    7 vote(s)
    38.9%
  2. no, never I am treated perfectly equally

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  3. sometimes

    10 vote(s)
    55.6%
  4. not that I am aware of

    1 vote(s)
    5.6%
  1. Emzical

    Emzical Active Member

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    Has anyone discovered the code of neurotypicals? I’m currently very confused about my position in correlation to them.

    I feel like I have always had some kind of sign over my head which makes NT’s feel obliged to leave me out, take the utter piss and treat me so differently than everyone else. Has anyone worked out why they do this?

    As a female I can reflect the social norms and get by (only when I have majorly recouped for a few days), so why when, I don’t do anything out of their norm am I treated so strangely?

    The things these “friends” say are only said to me and I know they wouldn’t dare treat anyone like it. For instance, I know a girl at uni who will shout “racist” (especially in public) because I’ve misheard her strong Indian accent or she’ll call me a ***** for no reason. Behind closed doors I am not interested in a friendship with her but I front this “best friend” persona and put a lot of effort in for someone I see as an acquaintance at best. I have spent endless hours on the phone to her despite hating phone calls, to settle her homesickness and boyfriend problems. Yet she still has the audacity to call me what she wants when I’ve seen her treat other friends with the upmost respect.

    My first friend at uni would always whisper “slut” under her breath but I was always dressed conservatively but fashionably. She decided to avoid me despite living in the same dorm and going to the same lectures. She now hangs round tackily dressed girls who she obviously holds in high esteem as she’s copying their clothes.

    I have a friend who can leave my messages unread for days and when reflecting her behaviour, she has started to message me more. Seems like a game of “ I only want you when you don’t want me”.

    I’ve done the whole adding people I vaguely know that I went to school with on facebook that apparently everyone does yet I end up getting ignored or unfriended for no reason.

    I have been through so many years of “friends” treating me like this and I’m not sure why. I don’t put off a needy victim vibe and they’re all very aware that people don’t upset me, or I just drop them and don’t bother with them again.

    Everywhere I go I feel like a second-class citizen, I even felt beneath my boyfriends group of friends till I taught him how to behaviour towards a girlfriend.

    With uni work, I put in so much effort and the tutors mislead me into thinking I have secured a very high grade, yet when it comes to the grade release I am left disappointed with mediocre grades.

    I also have an alternative or as people mistake me punk image, which just makes people assume I’m some sort of dick that needs to be put in her place. I have had to inform many people of authority who have treated me unkindly about my condition which then corrects their behaviour.

    Why can’t people just be considerate towards EVERYONE not just change to avoid discriminating against a “disability”?

    Why does everyone continually lie?

    Also have not had the pleasure to meet any other 18-25 yr old females on the spectrum and would really appreciate anyone who would like to chat or friend me on here. Please don’t feel forced to.

    Thanks
     
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  2. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I have to say this, I am glad your avatar is not of a fly, otherwise, I would have to have asked you to change it, for I hate them with a passion. Now, you said that you are not upset by people, so I know I can say this.

    They have never been your friends. I learned that enough, early on in my 20's, even though I did not really understand what friendship was, I just knew that those who were so called my friend, couldn't be, for how they made me feel and for those girls to say such horrid things to you, is just NASTY and why I just do not, to this day, as a woman of 48, get on with my own sex or at least, a certain type of female and probably the ones who you are talking about.

    I have actually said those words a few times. I must be wearing a sign on my forehead, for how ones can just speak to me for a few minutes and I feel that I am not treated the same as other females.

    The only one who treats me decently, we have concluded she has at least, some aspie traits, so it is clearly NT females that just do not like us.

    I used to avoid bus stops at school times, just so that I did not have to pass bunch of girls, because I would feel so out of it and inferior, I could not cope and today, I still feel that way.

    I see a group of girls laughing and joking and it freaks me out. I want to so badly be like them, but just am not and never been like it.

    I am clearly a female, but just seem to have nothing in common with nt females at least.
     
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  3. Mr Allen

    Mr Allen Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I've had that for years.

    I know that contrary to popular belief, I am "normal" (define "normal"?!) but I don't feel like a normal British guy in my early 40's, I look a lot younger as well apparently.
     
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  4. Gritches

    Gritches The Happy Dog V.I.P Member

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    This happens to me. I read something on this site that basically said that it's proven that NTs will view us as less "socially worthy", just based on our AS (without knowing we have it). So I guess I understand why. Don't have to be happy about it, but I get it.

    Something you said intrigued me: you tell authority figures you have AS and they improve their behavior? Not doubting that happens, I'm just jealous is all. I have never had that happen (I'm in the US); I find that disclosing just makes it worse than if I just endure whatever they're dishing out.
     
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  5. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member

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    It might be more isolating at first, but I think continued efforts with such mean spirited people is likely wasted. Once someone shows their true colors and its negative, I'd move on and spend any effort trying to locate a new better friend. You don't need lots of friends. Just a few good ones is enough.
     
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  6. Sportster

    Sportster Aged to Perfection V.I.P Member

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    It has been like that my entire life, though I do have three close friends that seem to have accepted me as I am without trying to make any changes or viewing me as entertainment. I had some close friends that kept me around as house entertainment, though I never realized it until I got away from them. They were never concerned about me as a person (my life, joys, fears, etc), but rather delighted in my eccentric mannerisms. After I was diagnosed, I identified those mannerisms and have learned how to curtail them . . . for the most part. Because of that, I am no longer interesting or amusing to those friends.
     
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  7. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Sometimes when I'm out and about, I get judged - either because I'm a foreigner or because my appearance and body language is different - people talk slower to me or are patronizing or treat me like I'm stupid, but mostly people just ignore me - I'm not on their social radar.
     
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  8. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    About the "sign over our heads" I think this is more true than we realize, and people pickup on it, in good or bad ways...

    The ladies at work have a few sayings for me, or about me, but one stands out... "We can see your struggle to sort your thoughts out." That told me a lot about myself...

    To me that is this "SIGN" is that we cant help no matter what we do... I think we focus all our energy at times to get through maybe an unfamiliar situation or subject, or a trying situation and this invisible SIGN exposes itself in our struggle (that we don't notice externally)... and of course they sense that...

    People may not know we are ASD/AS but they KNOW something is different.
    Some will be nice about it, some will use us as entertainment, some will just use us as a means to an end, and some will be mean to us...

    So apparently in all my "masking", "faking", or just trying so hard to fit in... Sometimes the whole thing just shows that I CANT be like them, no matter how hard I try...

    So over the past recent years I am trying to not worry over "faking" anything, just to remove that much chaos from the situation... Then to just smooth out what I can, and if they cant accept the real me I get it, but that never means we don't have feelings and it doesn't hurt to be sort of pushed away or ignored. But that seems to be what people do when they don't get us... : )

    Add on:
    And in all honesty do we not do the exact same thing we do not "get them"?
    We close off, we melt down... We struggle harder...
    Its just a vicious circle sometimes ... : )

    Thats why I like being left alone as much as possible.
     
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  9. Emzical

    Emzical Active Member

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    Hi, i think their behaviour changes basically because the uk are very pc and quite aware of equality
    laws which seems to terrify them into kindness.
     
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  10. Emzical

    Emzical Active Member

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    I agree to be honest I probably wrongly perceive my actions as mirroring theirs but I'd only be sure if I had an outer-body experience or could film myself haha
    And I have also gotten to the point where I am done befriending neurotypicals, I do sometimes slip up and think i'd like a friend but I remember the hardships that entailed from my previous friendships. so its pointless and being alone is better.
     
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  11. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    I think what your saying is brutally true... How we think or feel we act, ISN'T matching up with what others SEE, or FEEL from us...

    Maybe if we could see ourselves from an external view point we could really make some different connections to those mixed up feelings we have inside.

    Then of cousre everyone ASD or otherwise could... : )
     
  12. Emzical

    Emzical Active Member

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    If you ever have the chance to set up a camera while you do daily things let me know if you find anything you were unaware of. I have recently captured footage of me at uni in a room alone and didn't realise how I was acting whilst on my own. I found myself "death staring" at objects and spinning and stimming. I know I control this around people but now im wondering to what extent...
     
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