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I messed up again

Markness

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
I had to get some things from Walgreens and the person working the cash register was a pretty gothic lady. Unfortunately, since my social nerve is still damaged, I didn’t even try to make a conversation with her. I just simply greeted her, paid for my things, said farewell, and left. It wasn’t until I got back into my car that I realized that I dashed a social opportunity. I thought of going back in but didn’t and now I am beating myself up for not trying earlier.
 
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Not necessarily.

Make a plan to meet her outside of work. People working as checkers can't afford and stop to socialize with customers other than on a rather standardized, meaningless basis. Otherwise you may be putting her job in jeopardy, which would be no way to start off trying to get to know someone.

You see someone who interests you, and under such circumstances you just need to be a little more creative about meeting her after work. The trick being short and to the point so you don't get her into any trouble while she's behind the counter.
 
Really stop beating yourself up over nothing. When I meet this girl at the coffee shop because I meet my friend and she approached us I did not think anything of it. I just remained calmed and talked to her. I expected to never see her again instead not to get her number later at a prayer group and for me and her to message each other. I also did not even ask for her number. I only got it through a group chat then asked her on her way to the subway if I can text her and she said yes. So I did and now we occasionally text each other. I hope to see her soon in person.
 
Cashiers are usually very busy. You're not going to get a great deal of social interaction even with a large shop for them to scan and for you to bag.

There's nothing to stop you going back.

Ed
 
Markness said:
I had to get some things from Walgreens and the person working the cash register was a pretty gothic lady. Unfortunately, since my social nerve is still damaged, I didn’t even try to make a conversation with her. I just simply greeted her, paid for my things, said farewell, and left. It wasn’t until I got back into my car that I realized that I dashed a social opportunity. I thought of going back in but didn’t and now I am beating myself up for not trying earlier.
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Instead of beating yourself up, you could come up with something friendly to say next time you see her, which is likely.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Really stop beating yourself up over nothing. When I meet this girl at the coffee shop because I meet my friend and she approached us I did not think anything of it. I just remained calmed and talked to her. I expected to never see her again instead not to get her number later at a prayer group and for me and her to message each other. I also did not even ask for her number. I only got it through a group chat then asked her on her way to the subway if I can text her and she said yes. So I did and now we occasionally text each other. I hope to see her soon in person.
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Way to go, Tony! That must make you feel good.
Added - and living in NYC there are diversions for every taste and budget. Find out her interests and plan a little outing. Shared experiences is the cement of relationships.
 
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I met my wife for first date by going upstairs in my rooming house knocked on her door asked her if she would like to join me watch my cousin play at a bar down the street. So nothing ventured nothing gained. What did not know was a number of my female tenants were hoping I would ask one of them for a date.
 
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I can't tell what you messed up. I've been purchasing things all my life without socializing with the cashier. Have I been messing up for over twenty years?
 
Realistically speaking from the aspect of frontside retail having people flirt or try to elicit contact information can leave an individual feeling very uncomfortable.

Being on the clock and in a public space it puts a lot of unfair pressure and attention on said individual. It isn't usually a pleasant exchange simply because it is highly personal in what should be a professional arena. It deviates away from the social scripts a lot of retail minions use.

It doesn't usually leave a very good impression because the playing field is very uneven. The minion is almost always at the mercy of the person they are assisting because the minion is being paid to perform their job. The customer unfortunately holds enormous power in that situation because the higher ups know on which side their bread is buttered.

Employees can end up in a ludicrous amount of trouble if a customer complains the employee was 'rude' for providing a diplomatic answer to a personal question. The employer isn't likely to give the minion the benefit of the doubt in such cases.

Not putting an individual on the spot is not a social failure. It is basic respect and an indicator of a decent person.

Retail is a tough path and most people don't choose to follow it because they like it. They do so out of necessity.
 
Markness said:
I messed up yet again today.
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This implies you have a long history of successfully establishing social contact during brief structured interactions like paying for groceries. Successful being e.g. "getting her (real) phone number".

How many times has this happened?
 
Stop trying so hard. I did and I still ended up getting a nice girls phone number I meet at a coffee shop the later after she joined our church because of it at prayer group through coincidence without even trying, without even asking who I text. When I tried too hard over the summer last year with another girl I am still friends with I was so nervous I failed multiple times and I still don't have her number.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Stop trying so hard. I did and I still ended up getting a nice girls phone number I meet at a coffee shop the later after she joined our church because of it at prayer group through coincidence without even trying, without even asking who I text. When I tried too hard over the summer last year with another girl I am still friends with I was so nervous I failed multiple times and I still don't have her number.
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I am happy to see that you are now more relaxed and I bet that shows as you interact with women. They want to feel safe, so relaxed rather than needy really helps. I hope the relationship will grow for you!
 
Markness said:
Maybe I should’ve died back when I was 17 and was becoming truly clinically depressed?
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Markness said:
I don’t understand the meaning of this.
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It's an item used when fishing.

Your question looked to me that you were tossing
out bait, ( "Maybe I should’ve died back when I was 17 and was becoming truly clinically depressed?" )
hoping to reel in some assurances that dying at age 17 wouldn't have been
a great solution.
 
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