I had nightmares of the rapture ever since I was a child

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

I remember when I was about eight or nine years old (when I was still going to church), I was alone when my pastor walked up to me and asked if I was saved. I said no. He lectured me over how if I don’t repent to God, my body will suffer and rot in hell for eternity. My parents would also tell me about the rapture that it’s all about being saved and obeying God. My family is strongly Christian, but I’ve grown into an atheist in my adult years.

A lot of nights, I have nightmares of me falling and burning in hell and me screaming and crying to mom and dad “help me! Help me!”, only for them to tell me “you can’t go to heaven because you’re not saved! You belong to Satan now!” and fly away. I never questioned the rapture until I grew up.

I told them I had rapture anxiety and felt uncertain about sincerity, since I felt nothing I did, no matter how much effort I made, was sincere. I was told that I am making a big deal out of nothing and that rapture anxiety does not exist, and its purpose was supposed to be about comfort. Problem: how is it comfort when you, an innocent child, are threatened by authorities regarding death and hell and Satan and expected to react normally?

I kept the secret for years until I finally told my mom today. I also told her that a woman told me the pastor molested two teenage girls. Mom got all furious and replied “that is not true! WHO told you such a thing?!”. I told her her name. I was expected to be more specific, but I didn’t want to sound like I’m lying.

I feel guilty telling anyone about this, only I was to know about all this because of my experiences. I no longer go to church anymore for several reasons, the fear of the rapture is one of them. I know what you may be thinking: I shouldn’t be judging Christians and the religion in whole by their cover. But I have a hard time learning that. For many years, I was too harsh on myself, judging my every move, doing dirty things in secret without getting caught.

I am currently 23 years old, I’ve just moved out, and still suffering from the teachings of the rapture. Attempting to unlearn the lessons regarding this along with other bigoted beliefs such as slavery and homophobia.

No advice needed, just support. Thank you.

 

[Rodafina]

Nightmares are the worst, and yours sound dreadful. Well done opening up and taking about it and bringing to light some of the terrible things from your past. I hope talking about this more brings healing and peace of mind.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Maybe take a moment to visualise when that pastor traumatised you. In that memory, revisit it as your adult self. To console the child you were, but also to say what you want to say to that pastor in the hear and now.

Unfortunately there's a lot of scare tactics in religion. Vehemently religious types often seem to have quite an unstable, and unpleasant nature to them. Threatening a child with eternal damnation is despicable behaviour. Although I'm sure he thought what he was doing was from a place of good intention, his approach and energy sound like the complete opposite.

If God is love, then what is a pastor who rants, raves and threatens children?

Ed

 

[Progster]

I agree with @Raggamuffin . Yes, religion shouldn't be about fear, it should be about caring and helping a person become a better person. Fear is all about controlling, and in the past has led to persecutions and terrible crimes against humanity. That's a red flag, as far as that priest is concerned, he shouldn't have been practising if he is scaring children in this way. The fault of the priest, not the religion; I'm sure not all priests are like that, though I'm not a huge fan of organised religions.

Take a few deep breaths and tell yourself that everything is alright.

 

[SusanLR]

My parents were very Christian and tried to put that fear of in me too.
It didn't work.
Nothing they or the churches taught ever got through me.
Even as a kid, I thought my own thoughts and beliefs.

 

[Crossbreed]

Yes, religion shouldn't be about fear,...

Fear is healthy at the beginning,* but once committed and you see how cool God really is, that fear is quickly replaced by awe.**

God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be Saved through Him. John 3:17

* “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,
And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." Proverbs 9:10 NKJV

** "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,

for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and​

you will find rest for your souls.​

For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NKJV

 

[Gerontius]

I remember when I was about eight or nine years old (when I was still going to church), I was alone when my pastor walked up to me and asked if I was saved. I said no. He lectured me over how if I don’t repent to God, my body will suffer and rot in hell for eternity. My parents would also tell me about the rapture that it’s all about being saved and obeying God. My family is strongly Christian, but I’ve grown into an atheist in my adult years.

A lot of nights, I have nightmares of me falling and burning in hell and me screaming and crying to mom and dad “help me! Help me!”, only for them to tell me “you can’t go to heaven because you’re not saved! You belong to Satan now!” and fly away. I never questioned the rapture until I grew up.

I told them I had rapture anxiety and felt uncertain about sincerity, since I felt nothing I did, no matter how much effort I made, was sincere. I was told that I am making a big deal out of nothing and that rapture anxiety does not exist, and its purpose was supposed to be about comfort. Problem: how is it comfort when you, an innocent child, are threatened by authorities regarding death and hell and Satan and expected to react normally?

I kept the secret for years until I finally told my mom today. I also told her that a woman told me the pastor molested two teenage girls. Mom got all furious and replied “that is not true! WHO told you such a thing?!”. I told her her name. I was expected to be more specific, but I didn’t want to sound like I’m lying.

I feel guilty telling anyone about this, only I was to know about all this because of my experiences. I no longer go to church anymore for several reasons, the fear of the rapture is one of them. I know what you may be thinking: I shouldn’t be judging Christians and the religion in whole by their cover. But I have a hard time learning that. For many years, I was too harsh on myself, judging my every move, doing dirty things in secret without getting caught.

I am currently 23 years old, I’ve just moved out, and still suffering from the teachings of the rapture. Attempting to unlearn the lessons regarding this along with other bigoted beliefs such as slavery and homophobia.

No advice needed, just support. Thank you.

The "rapture" is one of those things Protestants do that I will never quite understand.

Hang in there. The recent phenomenon of "deconstructing"one's religion is filled with similar stories; if you read Reddit there is a subreddit called r/Exvangelicals.

I can't speak for the rapture anxiety personally, being a Catholic, but I can certainly speak for a lot of other religious weirdness (and the embarrassing aspect of being in the same church as a lot of molesting priests.)

 

[Suzanne]

No wonder, is all I can say ie that you experience nightmares.

I was raised a catholic and one time, I was speaking to this higher status church woman about what I was going through ( having to go to the police about male birth parent sexual abuse) and her response was, on me saying I cannot forgive him: he will reach the gates of Heaven and be accepted by God and you will rot in hell for your sins of not forgiving. From that moment, I turned my back once and for all with that supposed faith.

Let me reassure you that there is no hellfire. In the bible, there are two renderings: Hades and Ghenna. Both mean the same, One is Greek and the other is Hebrew. Anyway: they both mean the common grave of mankind ie death. I learned this, on studying with Jehovah's Witnesses and have been one for over 20 year's now.

For the sake of non believers, I will say: MY Creator is a God of Love and thus, it is UNTHINKABLE of Him to even entertain such filth. Why, in the Bible, He hated ones passing their children through fire, as a ritual.

 

[MNAus]

A figure in authority threatened a minor with eternal, excruciating agony unless they fulfilled an unending set of subjective, ambiguous goals which shifted according to the elder's whim. It's basically abuse in my eyes. No wonder you had nightmares. I feel for you @2Fragile2TakeCriticism. If this is still troubling you, would you be able to speak to a professional?

 

[oregano]

I was a Mormon as a kid, and while I have lots of problems with it, at least they don't do the "Rapture". Joseph Smith (the founder) lived and died long before the idea of the Rapture existed, actually, so he and his successor Brigham Young said that Mormons would live through the Tribulation like everybody else. That's why many Mormons store and grow their own food-they believe they will need it because during the Tribulation there will be no food and the "Gentiles" (non members) will starve, but Mormons will need to stay alive to meet Jesus at the end. In the 70s the church's then leader, Spencer Kimball, declared that the energy crisis was the start of the Tribulation, and members were advised to start food gardens. However, the little kids (like me) weren't directly told that the Tribulation was happening, instead we sang hymns about growing food gardens. I had plenty of trauma growing up, but at least I was fortunate not to have religious trauma too.

 

[tree]

The "rapture" is one of those things Protestants do that I will never quite understand.

The Rapture is one of those things some 'Protestants' do.

Not all, by any means.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I consider the old and new testaments to be written by a people profoundly ignorant about how the Cosmos works. Superstition about things like the rapture have no power over me any more than I take fairy tales as reality. It is corrupt to take the words of ignorant goatherds as truth.

Plus, I consider teaching children religion by groomer clergy to be child abuse.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Historically, in Judaism, the age of personal accountability, when they joined the adult society, was always twenty.

It wasn't until the middle ages, with plagues and wars cutting the life expectancy down to thirty or so, that the age of accountability in Jewish culture (and in Gentile society as well) was lowered to thirteen.

Biblically it's twenty. God is a God of mercy and love, so, for low functioning people, it may be higher.

A man didn't even leave his parents' house and go live on his own until he was thirty (fully mature). For women it was a couple years younger.

Children have nothing to fear of Hell. God delights in children.

In fact, it says in the bible, three quotes that I think are pertinent to this (paraphrased):

"Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven"

"Train up your children in the way that they should go, so that when they are old, they will not depart from it."

"If an adult should cause a little one to stumble, it would be better that they had a weight tied around their neck, and were drowned in the depths of the sea, than if they should have ever been born."

********

This all has profound implication.

We are still living in the system, that was formed during the trauma of war and epidemic during the middle ages.

Mary, the mother of Jesus, was older than twenty, and possibly closer to thirty. The teen mother that many see her as in today's society is a result of the worldview borne of the traumatic culture shift of the Middle Ages. God would have chosen a woman. Not a scared little girl.

At all times, we are to model to children what right living looks like. We are to teach them charity and responsibility. And also teach them the love of God. They should be free to play and run, and also to learn right from wrong. It's a long process. They are innocent. Any bad things they do as they grow are because a wicked adult put a stumbling block in their way, confusing them through trauma or lies.

********

No child goes to hell.

Our entire system of forcing kids to do things before they are developmentally ready, and punishing them severely if they fall out of line, is borne from a legacy of epidemic and constant war that reduced life expectancy after the fall of Rome.

 

[tree]

No advice needed, just support. Thank you.

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