I had enough of faith and belief in God

[Suzanne]

It is very easy to feel our Creator does not care a jot about us; especially when we cry out and feel that He has not answered and the situation has not changed, but that is because of actually not knowing Him very well.

I am a person who can have anyone as a friend; however, somehow, my personality must put many off, for all the affection I do not receive.

Yesterday was a bad day for me. I hate being unwell and have not been rendered in bed for years, but yesterday, found myself not being able to function as normal.

My husband had gone to check on his elderly clients, to see if they needed help, due the recent storm.

My faith has a whatsapp group and often post on there. I am unable to, because I feel too exposed. So, whilst I am in bed, in agony, I read that my husband is a star, because of helping everone out and yet, I am alone, in bed, in pain and he is helping others and yep, I felt very unhappy and whilst sobbing, I went to my God ( who's name in English, is Jehovah) and explained how alone I feel and frightened, because sadly, many year's ago now, when I was in contact with a niece, her gran ( mother) hated always if any member wanted to get close to me and so would say vicious things to get them stop communicating with me. Unfortunately, my niece goes and relates what her gran said about me and at first, I laughed, but sadly, her words echo. She said to her own niece, about her own daughter. I wouldn't contact her. She is evil and only trying to drag you in, because she is ALONE. Nobody cares about her, whereas your mother is never alone, so she is a far better person than your auntie! She also attacked my faith, because my niece was showing interest. However, her unkind words, tend to echo, because in fact, I am mostly alone!

I even said to my husband that if I did not have a husband, I would be able to deal better; but being married, one does expect certain actions from their partner, which adds to my loneliness.

Anyway, the point is, that I cried out for my husband to return, and not long after that prayer, my husband arrived home and said he had the urge to return.

This morning, on my google feed, there is an article from my faith, quoting Galations 6:9 which talks about continuing to do good to others, even if they show no appreciation, because you are following your Heavenly Father.

Bascially, our Creator answers in all different ways, but one has to get to know Him, in order to recognise those different ways, which are often subtle.

He is close to the brokenhearted ones and I know this, because I often feel Him carrying me. He knows us better than ourselves and thus, knows the intentions of our heart.

I also feel often that He must hate me, because of my aspie traits, but in fact, He loves me even more because of those traits.

If anyone is not showing love to the lowly one, than Jehovah does not show love to them.

Message me privately and I will give you our website.

 

[AspieChris]

I am sorry I followed a christian faith. I had enough of a God in the sky that abuses me to find some flaws and pulls me apart on my physical appearance.
I am so against anyone being victimised on their body
I followed a Christian faith to have a God who would love me all the time no matter what because people often fail.
I am sick of being put in compromising situations and hurt and pulled apart by humans and not having a God who understands my struggles
God should love autistics no matter how they think, we are some of the most vulnerable.
I used to love God and feel Him all the time and He used to offer me strength, guidance and love.
I am tired and of not getting the love and things I deserve.

I didn’t read any of the replies here. I hate when anyone responds without reading the whole thread….. but this is the first time I felt selfish enough to just respond.

I suffer constantly. I barely lived through yesterday, and I’ll suffer through today until the day ends. It’s been like this since I learned to walk. I see people who are just ‘happy’ and I’m jealous. I work harder than anyone else and all I get is stress.

God wants me to praise him and THEN he’ll heal me? I have a son who is just as autistic as me. He will suffer in the same ways I have. Sorry but no. I’m done with thinking that there’s a God who just loves me and I should follow what the Church says is in the bible.

I believe in a higher power, even possibly a creator. But the stuff that organized religion has been preaching for thousands of years cannot be true. Not in my life anyway.

 

[The Pandector]

Thank you @The Pandector . However, l never assume a deity would know what is best for me. I am a grown adult, and l don't need a mystical being telling me how to behave, l have been blessed with knowing the difference between right and wrong, and to treat others with kindness unless it's just not a good choice. You assigned us a creator in your blanket statement, and l have to say my mother and father created me. At the hospital, they asked for the father's name, and it wasn't some abstract idea that my mom gave them. However l respect your right to follow your religion, and l thank you for discussing your viewpoints in a friendly matter, and adding value to this discussion. I am happy you find value in being Christian. I find value in examining many religions and respecting them all. 

I get it. You have no faith in God, but instead have faith in your own ability to determine right from wrong and also to live out the life your own conscience dictates. What I hear is that you are satisfied with and confident in your own righteousness. Not intending to put words in your mouth, but hoping to show I get your position.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

These are ideas that resonate more with me and the religion I was born into. That life is more of a test.. not a "what can I get out of it" but "what can I put into it without expecting anything in return". I believe this is what I've learned about living as an "embodiment of Christ" as well, to be selfless. And that if you accomplish this you get 'rewarded' in the afterlife. In Hinduism, you learn from your mistakes, correct them, and have faith you move on to a better life. That is the ultimate test of your faith, the patience of the "waiting game" and looking at the bigger picture. At least from my own learnings.

Well exactly so what would it be a,test of faith?
How many troubles would you have to endure to pass that test in a lifetime, I guess the number is up to God
Hope u would have a good relationship with Him when you left the earth?
What if people with disabilities could not live up to such a difficult test?
Should they not get into heaven as long as they try to be kind humans.
No it is not a test but a gift given through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ
But God obviously does judge the amount faith you show
So therefore I do not believe in a test that discriminates against any person
When it is not about that

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I sometimes wonder if and when a single reincarnation may be intended only to help a certain other soul at a specific time and place. And have only that one purpose intended.

But then as immortal souls, I can see how magnanimous we may actually be. Imagine that at some point of our life, we may have profoundly helped someone, and yet may have no recollection that we did. And that it may have been intended as such. Without any earthy thought of being rewarded.

In any event I enjoy the prospect of being who we really are as immortals, opposed to how we appear as mortals. That when we have earth, we have no need of a "hell". - Yet all by design.

You are right if we go to any length to help any person at times, that person may appreciate it forever.
That is why the number of people you help does not truly matter but I bet someone being helped when they are a grateful person well they are grateful because we all need help at times

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I have a complicated relationship with Christianity, but I was raised Catholic in the Deep South in a church-and-Sunday school-weekly family and your OP gives me the (blunt) impression you’re around Christians that aren’t very educated about autism and therefore things have gone sideways when trying to reconcile it with faith. Nothing I’ve ever heard suggests God dislikes/hates autistic people. He totally loves you. Don’t let people make you believe otherwise.

Maybe you are right?
But I wish God would tell me??
Sometimes u think I need a proper diagnosis as well..
It is hard I am so lonely and am only human so do not always know how to get some love and affection

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I didn’t read any of the replies here. I hate when anyone responds without reading the whole thread….. but this is the first time I felt selfish enough to just respond.

I suffer constantly. I barely lived through yesterday, and I’ll suffer through today until the day ends. It’s been like this since I learned to walk. I see people who are just ‘happy’ and I’m jealous. I work harder than anyone else and all I get is stress.

God wants me to praise him and THEN he’ll heal me? I have a son who is just as autistic as me. He will suffer in the same ways I have. Sorry but no. I’m done with thinking that there’s a God who just loves me and I should follow what the Church says is in the bible.

I believe in a higher power, even possibly a creator. But the stuff that organized religion has been preaching for thousands of years cannot be true. Not in my life anyway.

It is ok to feel that way
It is so hard :/
And we are only human.
It is hard for an autistic with struggles with foresight and trauma to praise before the blessing
I am not sure many people praise before the blessing anyway that is called human
God is faithful when we are not

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

There's no way that a loving God WOULDN"T also love autistics as much as any other person God creates.

"Belief" and "Faith". Very interesting concepts because some people are incapable of just believing something that's completely unverifiable or not logical. Often having a literal and logical mind is an autistic trait; I can certainly say that's the case for me. So....would a loving God punish or exclude people who have a way of thinking that is more logical and literal and as such don't or can't just "believe" or have "faith"? I don't think so. That would make God ableist.

It goes beyond that what if your personality matched with things the bible shuns like...
Sex outside of marriage
Or going out partying and having a few drinks
Or being a bit of a wildchild and doing some deviant acts that did not break the law but could almost?
Or like wanting things in this life that God did not want you to have
Or you liked having a luxury car or living in a mansion
So therefore it is hard if you want to be a nice person and have faith
But you have a different lifestyle and beliefs

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

My opinions...but they are based on facts:


ALL God(s) equal to a paradox, indeed.

God(s) always make so many demands of us - always asking or putting the burden for proof, faith, belief, worship on "us" - we aren't allowed to ask or demand such in return, though..? That's rather narcissistic convenience don't you think? It shouldn't be hard to comprehend that said God(s) doesn't want to give much...instead is constantly making demands and constantly wants, needs, desires, takes... Nothing about such a being should be considered perfect or what any of us should want to be like. "Perfection" in and of itself, the very definition, it will never need or want...ever. It is, always has and always will have everything. It does not and should not need, want or desire your love, your worship, your penance, your tithes, etc. etc. etc. That text's God is beyond a paradox...or just a really powerful asshole narcissist.

Per the bible itself, think of any of the 85 sins listed. Sins...and yet that God does every single one of them and multiple times. Wrath, Boasting, Unforgiveness, Wickedness, Pride, Jealousy, Jesting, Fathers asking their children for wrath, Desiring praise of men, etc. etc. etc. Paradox / contradictions.

The fact that you even question a single thing about God should let you know that it's not perfect, it's not clear to you, it's not in control (unless you consider the chaos of uncertainty controlling your thoughts, which is absolutely not a "good" thing, assuredly), and it doesn't "move in you." Arguably, the only "moves" with you could be seen as making you a pawn...but it's likely this way because of devout / zealous believer types in better standing tend to be that way with the lesser fortunate believers. It's very much grooming and conditioning tactics. Intelligence agencies and high governments use the same methods to get what they want. They learned it from a history of church records dating back to the Vatican on how to infiltrate and take control of whole empires. It's rather tried and true. I want no part of such a thing.

Such a method is exactly stated in this thread. "We are made to suffer." That's horrible - no one should just be so defeated that they accept that, and worse is that it's a sign of abuse - Stockholm syndrome, essentially. Especially when others in this world just happen to be better off in any way, shape or form...I demand to know what's the point? What is the lesson for me? What lesson are the better off learning in comparison? Is the lesson that God likes to be random and let people be snobs with everything...and then others of us get to be angry because we struggle so much that we have trouble finding good spirits? Also, doesn't it come across as the most infuriating contradiction that if you seriously want more good people to die, go to heaven, join the flock and eventually fight armageddon against those souls from Hell....that you would actually do a lot to prevent said people from being miserable, angry and eventually choosing or resorting to hating not only you but also their fellow kind - even going to heinous lengths at times to try getting ahead..?!?!?!?!? Said God is absolutely creating an exponentially greater army against it. Again...a huge paradox. The only way that isn't a contradiction is if it's all being done on purpose, and that would make that God an even bigger, prideful, arrogant A-hole...just building its own challenge to face...like some kid with a video game that gets to decide the map and hardness level. I just can't sit well with that.

Watch the world news this very minute, even. What are these people doing?!?!? The very same races of people who even came up with and originally told Biblical / Judeo stories are exactly who still can't get along at all...ever. I don't see any love going on. I don't see anything but sin. I see a huge paradox going on from the very people who created the major religions in this world and are constantly trying to get more people to buy into them. I see absolutely no proof of their Gods. And I hope no one thinks of pointing out "miracles" like a handful of kids were spared under tons of blasted concrete. What!? That's a pitiful excuse for positive perspective, and yet it happens a lot...always seemingly some small bit of good that comes out of an enormous, heinous act (that no God(s) should have ever let happen in the first place), and "that's" their proof of a loving, caring God...?!?!?!?! Nah. I'm smarter than that.

I'm constantly reading, researching, trying to make it all make sense...but the only sense I have found is that none of them are to be trusted any more than Grimm's Fairy Tales. There are lessons here and there, yes, but they aren't what you should base your entire existence upon because doing so just creates powerful armies that eventually try to eradicate any others for dominance. Break it all back down to its core, though, and you understand that all of it was done because it creates economies...it's about making money...and either you literally bought into it...or like me you refuse to.

It is ok to feel like that.in the sense the world is in very dark times.
And people hearts have turned away from faith a lot
Because it has a lot to do with not feeling welcome in churches or wanting to have faith and a relationship with God in your own way.
It makes me sad people would not want to go to church
But some churches are fairly old fashioned and backwards but I love some rites of passage and tradition as well.
It is hard to suffer immensely and not understand
In my own life I struggle to understand how I can not feel more loved by people in my life or have a full picture of being very loved
Or feel supported in struggles
I have trauma, have really struggled, gotten mad and blamed God a lot
God is good, I believe He has a good plan for all of us
But so hard for us autistics in challenges when we cannot see
Seeing how it is good has been an insurmountable mountain I am unable to climb
I just get overwhelmingly fearful and doubt because all my feelings make me not see it.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

And I heard it over and over and over and over and over from here and all my married acquaintances I am tired of it. I just heard it today and my married acquaintance even said my odds of getting an girlfriend are slim to none.

That is rubbish
You will find someone, you are a good guy
Do not listen to that person.
You are going to find someone good, good things come to those that wait the longest.

 

[The Pandector]

@The Pandector l do feel that you have no right to tell @Tony Ramirez that he will be subjected to a life of loneliness, this actually seems very uncaring, and very upsetting. As a beacon of the Christian faith, as you propose yourself to be, l would expect a more uplifting message delivered with kindness and love. Sorry, you have disappointed me.

Please reread my post, friend. I was not consigning @Tony Ramirez to a life of loneliness. I was suggesting that Tony is doing that to himself, in that he persistently asks for help out of his misery then shoots down all advice. If any potential corrective action is automatically taken as useless, then he has consigned himself to a lifetime of loneliness. My comment was intended to point out that he is doing this to himself.

You disappoint me, @Aspychata . You accuse me of presenting myself as a beacon of Christianity. I often admire you as a dispassionate critical observer, but you’ve stumbled here.

Maybe you can make a case for that assertion, but from over here that is an emotional slur. Did I ever say that I am a beacon of Christianity, or anything remotely like that? Did I say I am an example by which you should live? At what point did I set myself up as an example, let alone propose myself to be a beacon of the Christian faith?

What I believe you hear is my attempts to state common Christian doctrine. Frankly and without rancor, a lot of what is presented here as truth about the Bible and the Christian faith is far from true, but is subjective commentary made in ignorance. Don’t get mad; ignorance isn’t a bad thing, it’s the settled state just prior to obtaining knowledge.

While my understanding is that we’re not allowed to talk about religion in general, nevertheless a great deal of commentary is made on the subject. So, when I encounter ignorance or untruths about the faith, I try to toss a Biblical perspective into the mix. I assume I’m allowed to do this because Admin recognizes that people are regularly feeling free to make derogatory statements about a faith of which they have little knowledge. (Of course, there are many who study religion but have not experienced faith.)

To me, and to millions of others, it is folly to discuss Christianity without looking into the document that literally defines the faith. I don’t set myself up as a beacon, my accusing friend; I acknowledge the only source that I know can be trusted as authoritative. If, theoretically, people are allowed to blather on in ignorance, then I feel justified in making a few educated assertions.

If you catch me presenting myself as a beacon, reach right through and slap me, okay? But if all I’m doing is giving the Biblical perspective when it’s being misrepresented, then maybe it’s the Biblical perspective itself that disappoints you. Many around here feel free to pontificate on how a loving God SHOULD act; I prefer to point out how he DOES act… using the Bible as my source material.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

@Dagan , yes, everything is you are inferior, and will be inferior until the end of your existence, it's basically a giant guilt message to keep you in your place, trying to achieve the gold ring, which you will never get, otherwise you wouldn't need the doctrine of you are a failure. It's a brilliant marketing technique and has ensnared many. The cosmetic industry uses the same you are inferior message. I like that thought process of how do you know you are guaranteed a happy afterlife when you can barely get thru this one. And if the God is so judgemental now, who's to say l won't get kicked out of the afterlife for just being a idiot? Knowing me, l would say something stupid and get kicked out. So l think l will just try to be a good person, and attempt to keep striving to be better and respect other's rights to be Christian, Catholic, atheist, etc.

You are right, I do not want to be told I'm inferior all the time either but just going in and being a good person.
It is hard before often it feels like when you follow a faith system you are always told you are inferior so you stay humble
At times I am generally like why am I told that but get scared of trying to forget it
And that reason may be complicated
And it is easy for people especially autistics to question why life is so hard
We should get into heaven for free if we have faith.
Because we have a disability.
And it is true you could do something stupid and be kicked out
Especially for an autistic
It is hard
If we want to be good, we should be able to be and just do our best

 

[LadyS]

Well exactly so what would it be a,test of faith?
How many troubles would you have to endure to pass that test in a lifetime, I guess the number is up to God
Hope u would have a good relationship with Him when you left the earth?
What if people with disabilities could not live up to such a difficult test?
Should they not get into heaven as long as they try to be kind humans.
No it is not a test but a gift given through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ
But God obviously does judge the amount faith you show
So therefore I do not believe in a test that discriminates against any person
When it is not about that

I think as @Judge has previously mentioned, you might still be looking at the situation through very B&W, mortal eyes, through the lens of your own experiences. Because things aren't going well for you, you're questioning God's reasoning and from what I've learned about Christianity is that God does things for reasons beyond what our mortal minds can reason and to continue to believe in Him even when things are not going your way IS a test of your Faith. That's the whole point in faith after all. You believe because you look at the big picture, not just when it benefits you.

Being agnostic I look at it this way: if there is a God, I highly doubt he is actively making certain people's lives miserable and rewarding others. God isn't punishing anyone, you're just a victim of others' sins which is just life unfortunately. Humans are just being humans. Humans can be vile, selfish, vindictive, and ignorant and we all eventually become victim to someone else's shortcomings. The ultimate test is how you respond.. do you follow suit and become vindictive yourself or do you follow the "grace of God". That is the test between being Christian vs being Christ-like. It becomes a question of: are you in it just for yourself or are you willing to look past that you will not be immediately rewarded? Just my opinion anyway.

 

[chincey_james]

I am not religious. I prefer to know that I don't know. That being said, this quote from Frederick Douglas seems relevant to this thread: "When I was a slave I tried praying for three years. I prayed that God would emancipate me, but it was not till I prayed with my legs that I was emancipated."

 

[Wolfnox]

B

Because it offers peace unspeakable and helps you trust two gifts I do not have.
This all began when I started my spiritual journey on Proverbs and understood it and gained the spirit if wisdom but dropped it.
And my whole life would be better if I had no started in the chapter proverbs.
What chapter did u start on?

I was brought up in the faith. So can’t recall which i started on. I’ve read from Genesis to Revelations.
Though my actual faith in God began before reading the Bible.

 

[Wolfnox]

Because religion is basically based on some magical beliefs, with the final message of don't do bad things. So to push the message is the marketing aspect of hell or heaven as a reward or punishment. So God does have to be magical concept, because you aren't going to worship Joe Blow who lives next door and has the same issues as you. God has to be held in higher esteem then the average person, then we need to feel guilty, because his son gave up his life for our sins or something like this. So the whole concept is to help us believe and not question what is presented. I take a simpler approach, just be a kind person. I don't have any issues with religion because there are others who struggle with the why this, why that, why do l exist. Religion serves a very important need in society and some churches truly practice helping those in need, and l try to support these types of organizations if possible.

Wasn’t sure if you were believer or not. Always felt you kinda walked a middle ground.
No criticism intended just an observation.

 

[Wolfnox]

Why does anyone want to believe in a god that is supposedly good, loving and caring when they clearly are none of those things? A god that lets horrible things happen to innocent people for no good reason or brutally punishes them for trivial reasons? Like for example people during the Black Death would go to church and basically be like, "Hey Lord, can you please take away this horrible plague you gave us because you're such a good and loving god? I don't know what exactly we did to deserve such a horrific disease, but whatever it was, we're sorry already, okay?"

And that's all I can say.

There are definitely reasons. Read “or is it red?” enough to know.

 

[Judge]

Why does anyone want to believe in a god that is supposedly good, loving and caring when they clearly are none of those things? A god that lets horrible things happen to innocent people for no good reason or brutally punishes them for trivial reasons?

Because that's how most mortals inherently view things. That they are logically unable to relate to or truly believe the concept of immortality based on their own sense of pain and anguish. Yet not everyone looks at such things in same vein. That there are some amazing alternatives to consider:

That as horrible as life on earth may be for most mortal souls, once they transcend back to the immortal soul they truly are, such memories are significant, but only in terms of enlightenment. It's why we reincarnate- to better ourselves for who we really are as immortal beings. That such tragic memories only serve immortal beings to offer a sense of perspective for continued spiritual growth without the pain and anguish we suffer while living a mortal existence.

In essence, there is "no harm and no foul" in whatever terrible things are manifested upon us while we are mortal souls. That when we transcend back to our natural state, there is only spiritual gain- without any pain, and without judgment or retribution. After all, we get enough of that just being a mortal. - By design.

This is how I interpret not only this secondary existence on earth, but our primary existence "on the other side".

 

[Dagan]

I could point out several contradictions and pieces of proof that I am not the childish one at all. I'm tired and annoyed, though. I have proven to know what I'm talking about. So, I contend that, that's the best thing to be - actually knowledgeable, actually listing facts / details / research - as it's assuredly the only way to have a foundation and not be "truly" ignorant or get "honestly" ridiculed. It's also the only way I could logically ever have the questions that I present.

In fact, isn't the entire point of such threads, "well, yeah, it's written or said...but where's the actual proof?" And then it's irritatingly never given or revealed because it's either not existent, whomever doesn't know the base text enough for real discussion and/or a staunch defensive "attack" occurs to just derail everything.

The age of claims / blind theories / unresearched assumptions / uneducated guesses / have faith / just trust me on it ...it's done. It's not good enough, or there wouldn't be a growing amount of folks asking for actual proof (in and of all things). And it's the least of anything...the simplest of requests...that we could have for any person or any God(s). So, how arrogant, spiteful and prideful a person or God must be to refuse such simplicity. And we are to aspire to be like them? Nope. I'm good.

 

[Magna]

A shift for me occurred in relation to prayer. One of many spiritual practices in Christianity includes the unofficial keeping of a "prayer journal". That can mean different things to different people, but often a "prayer journal" is to keep record of your prayers which in the process allows a person to make note of prayers that were "answered". It's a tool that can be used to affirm and nurture their continued belief in God and God's ability to answer prayers.

In the past 3-4 years I've made mental note of things that have happened to me that have been good, but even more so, things that seemed miraculous and seemed to be an "answer to prayers"...even though I did not pray for any such intentions.

Just today I was replacing the carbon water filters in our house. Mission accomplished. However, our pressure tank for our water system has been faulty for a long time. I had a plumber come out to give me an estimate and he wanted a crazy amount of money to do the job. Totally unexpectedly, replacing water filters has miraculously seemed to fix the pressure tank issue, seemingly (hopefully) solving the problem and saving literally thousands of dollars in repair costs.

A few years back we had some medical bills that totaled in the thousands of dollars. Money became a more serious concern and worry. Completely random, completely unrelated, our accountant told us that an internal audit was performed on our taxes we'd filed for the year...FIVE YEARS PRIOR. There was a miscalculation and the government was going to be refunding us...thousands of dollars and was enough for us to use it all to pay off the medical bills. "Miraculous", but...no prayer.

Actually, instances like that and so many more nice things that happen unexpectedly were both welcome and appreciated, but they also had a sense of loss with them in a way. Thankfully now I can appreciate the unexpected randomness of life, when it's good, for its goodness alone.