I gained 20 pounds

[Catlover614]

When I first got with my current boyfriend in December of 2009, I weighed 100 pounds at a height of 4'11". I had a really good-looking body. Now, however, I'm 20 pounds overweight and my boyfriend is repulsed by my body ( he won't say it, but his actions surely let me know). He says that I've "let myself go" and he wants me skinny again. I admit that pressures in life have had me turning to comfort food. I didn't realize men could be so shallow as to only want to be with women who look like playboy bunnies. Inner beauty has always been most important to me and no amount of make up can disguise an ugly soul. I'm venting about this while he's gone fishing. I will resume my yoga and diet strategy Wednesday. Do any of you have weight loss tips?

 

[tree]

Catlover614

Do you do yoga at home?
Or do you go someplace else for that?

 

[robertsomerville]

Your boyfriend sounds like an insensitive prick, but I do consider myself an expert when it comes to losing weight fast. I lost 5.5 kilograms in 20 days (12lbs) but my methods are not healthy.

 

[robertsomerville]

and your metabolism is probably different. keep doing yoga, cut out all carbs (bread, butter, sugar) drink only low fat milk, make sure you go for a walk around the block 40-60 minutes a day and drink water

 

[robertsomerville]

and if you drink alcohol only drink vodka (responsibly) or low carb beer

 

[Turanga Veela]

Strict limitation of carbs is what has worked best for my husband, myself, and my sister (in the past two weeks, she's dropped fifteen pounds, and NOT by starving herself!). When I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (borderline, no Metformin or insulin needed), I didn't gain weight during my pregnancy on the medical GD program (well, eight pounds, but that was six pounds of baby, and tissue and water), and sometimes I had to force myself to eat as prescribed, so I definitely wasn't lacking for calories and fat. Lots of non-starchy veggies, meats (lean or no), fish, eggs, some nuts, plain Greek yogurt (full fat, though, never skim), cheese, avocado, limited berries.

 

[robertsomerville]

Strict limitation of carbs is what has worked best for my husband, myself, and my sister (in the past two weeks, she's dropped fifteen pounds, and NOT by starving herself!). When I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (borderline, no Metformin or insulin needed), I didn't gain weight during my pregnancy on the medical GD program (well, eight pounds, but that was six pounds of baby, and tissue and water), and sometimes I had to force myself to eat as prescribed, so I definitely wasn't lacking for calories and fat. Lots of non-starchy veggies, meats (lean or no), fish, eggs, some nuts, plain Greek yogurt (full fat, though, never skim), cheese, avocado, limited berries.

15 lbs in 2 weeks?! wow, I'm really impressed. You must be feeling a lot healthier and better for it.

 

[Turanga Veela]

15 lbs in 2 weeks?! wow, I'm really impressed. You must be feeling a lot healthier and better for it.

Oh, me, I've fallen off the wagon a bit this past year, myself. But, yeah, my sister is really on a roll with it. She's a grad student without a car, so she does walk everywhere, too, on top of the diet.

 

[Crossbreed]

I didn't realize men could be so shallow as to only want to be with women who look like playboy bunnies.

My wife (of 33 years) is a little stocky. Over the years, she has both put on too much weight and taken off too much weight, usually as a side effect of prescription medications (not counting pregnancy). I have never lost desire for her during all of those changes, but the extremes had me worrying about her health, when they happened.

 

[Catlover614]

Catlover614

Do you do yoga at home?
Or do you go someplace else for that?

Home

 

[tree]

Home

That sounds great.
I am hoping that sometime I will be able to
have a place at home where I can work out
on the floor.

It is never warm enough for me to do that
here, on the floor.

I know there are poses/activities that don't
involve being down on the floor, but I really
would like to be able to stuff on the floor.

What kinds of moves do you like doing?

 

[Catlover614]

That sounds great.
I am hoping that sometime I will be able to
have a place at home where I can work out
on the floor.

It is never warm enough for me to do that
here, on the floor.

I know there are poses/activities that don't
involve being down on the floor, but I really
would like to be able to stuff on the floor.

What kinds of moves do you like doing?

I like the bridge pose, the cat and upward facing dog and the tree pose. I just got some green tea fat burners to go along with the yoga. I'm not starting yoga again til this Wednesday because tomorrow is my appointment to get officially diagnosed and I know I'm going to eat some comfort food after being analyzed.

 

[Rayner]

You have gained 20 pounds Over the last 7 years. Your boyfriend doesn't seem to be one of the best guys now does he? If you don't mind me asking,What kinds of pressure have you been under? Because the way I see things it's certainly possible that your boyfriend is putting a lot of unnecessary pressure On you. Does that make sense?

When I first got with my current boyfriend in December of 2009, I weighed 100 pounds at a height of 4'11". I had a really good-looking body. Now, however, I'm 20 pounds overweight and my boyfriend is repulsed by my body ( he won't say it, but his actions surely let me know). He says that I've "let myself go" and he wants me skinny again. I admit that pressures in life have had me turning to comfort food. I didn't realize men could be so shallow as to only want to be with women who look like playboy bunnies. Inner beauty has always been most important to me and no amount of make up can disguise an ugly soul. I'm venting about this while he's gone fishing. I will resume my yoga and diet strategy Wednesday. Do any of you have weight loss tips?

 

[midlife aspie]

It's funny how good looks seem to be SO important for most people (men and women both) when they search for mates. Trust me, many folks would not be happy if their SO put on a lot of weight. That said, it's no secret that men are far more visually oriented than women. I'm inclined to think that this is a subconscious primal thing that your boyfriend is acting on. I think that he may be concerned that he would project the image of a 'loser' by being seen by other males with an 'undesirable' woman. I am inclined to believe that many a person has passed by on an excellent partner because the candidate was 'not cute'.
I am not trying to justify his actions, but I think many folks want to feel some physical attraction to their SO, and when that goes, other (not good) things begin to happen.
YOUR SITUATION IS NOT YOUR FAULT! If you think your appearance is an issue, I would advise that you confront him about it. It's something that needs to be discussed before (bad) things happen. Be prepared for the truth as he sees it. You may not like the answer, especially if your original post is accurate. Don't take a negative answer as a sign that he does not love you. In fact, it may be due to his love that he hasn't been open about this out of consideration for your feelings. The bottom line is that issues that will effect your relationship need to be discussed in a rational manner, no matter how uncomfortable they may be. If he really cares, he will want to be a part of a mutually agreed upon course of action to address the concern. Please try to be rational and calm if you decide to bring the matter up. (VERY important!)

 

[Catlover614]

You have gained 20 pounds Over the last 7 years. Your boyfriend doesn't seem to be one of the best guys now does he? If you don't mind me asking,What kinds of pressure have you been under? Because the way I see things it's certainly possible that your boyfriend is putting a lot of unnecessary pressure On you. Does that make sense?

Yes, your kind words do make sense. My pressures are trying to gain employment as an autistic and keeping fit and maintaining a relationship with an NT....all the while ignoring my own special needs in order to make him happy. I get told that I'm being selfish and immature when I truly NEED "me time". I'm so sorry for not having the quality it takes to thrive in life and be successful. I'm not a strong, career-driven, assertive woman that society expects. I'm a sweet, love-driven woman who gives 100% in standing by my man, but even that is being hindered by my overly sensitive mindset. Things really "get" to me when I should be letting those things go instead.

 

[Catlover614]

It's funny how good looks seem to be SO important for most people (men and women both) when they search for mates. Trust me, many folks would not be happy if their SO put on a lot of weight. That said, it's no secret that men are far more visually oriented than women. I'm inclined to think that this is a subconscious primal thing that your boyfriend is acting on. I think that he may be concerned that he would project the image of a 'loser' by being seen by other males with an 'undesirable' woman. I am inclined to believe that many a person has passed by on an excellent partner because the candidate was 'not cute'.
I am not trying to justify his actions, but I think many folks want to feel some physical attraction to their SO, and when that goes, other (not good) things begin to happen.
YOUR SITUATION IS NOT YOUR FAULT! If you think your appearance is an issue, I would advise that you confront him about it. It's something that needs to be discussed before (bad) things happen. Be prepared for the truth as he sees it. You may not like the answer, especially if your original post is accurate. Don't take a negative answer as a sign that he does not love you. In fact, it may be due to his love that he hasn't been open about this out of consideration for your feelings. The bottom line is that issues that will effect your relationship need to be discussed in a rational manner, no matter how uncomfortable they may be. If he really cares, he will want to be a part of a mutually agreed upon course of action to address the concern. Please try to be rational and calm if you decide to bring the matter up. (VERY important!)

Exactly!

It's funny how good looks seem to be SO important for most people (men and women both) when they search for mates. Trust me, many folks would not be happy if their SO put on a lot of weight. That said, it's no secret that men are far more visually oriented than women. I'm inclined to think that this is a subconscious primal thing that your boyfriend is acting on. I think that he may be concerned that he would project the image of a 'loser' by being seen by other males with an 'undesirable' woman. I am inclined to believe that many a person has passed by on an excellent partner because the candidate was 'not cute'.
I am not trying to justify his actions, but I think many folks want to feel some physical attraction to their SO, and when that goes, other (not good) things begin to happen.
YOUR SITUATION IS NOT YOUR FAULT! If you think your appearance is an issue, I would advise that you confront him about it. It's something that needs to be discussed before (bad) things happen. Be prepared for the truth as he sees it. You may not like the answer, especially if your original post is accurate. Don't take a negative answer as a sign that he does not love you. In fact, it may be due to his love that he hasn't been open about this out of consideration for your feelings. The bottom line is that issues that will effect your relationship need to be discussed in a rational manner, no matter how uncomfortable they may be. If he really cares, he will want to be a part of a mutually agreed upon course of action to address the concern. Please try to be rational and calm if you decide to bring the matter up. (VERY important!)

Thank you for your perfect response! I don't like confrontation and neither does he which is why we're both at fault for not discussing things openly and honestly. I must learn to face the hard truths.

 

[Catlover614]

Oops, didn't mean to duplicate.

 

[Warmheart]

Encouragement: You have choices! Depression and anxiety can understandably have us heading for comfort foods. But, you can make a new choice to treat yourself to better produce in the grocery store, and to move toward a whole foods diet so that you feel better.

What about doing something you've always wanted to do that's active, like swimming at the YMCA? Spend the time and money getting comfy goggles, a great swimsuit, and take an adult swim class! I did, and it helps my mood so much! Or tennis, running, join a barefoot hikers club, a women's softball team, take a gymnastics class, squash, try a kayak or rowing club, it can be something you've dreamed of! The goal ,any be to become fit, but the method can be pure fun!

 

[Butterfly88]

I think being healthy is important but please don't lose weight solely to make him happy. If you want to that's different, but you shouldn't feel required to.

 

[Cali Cat]

Twenty pounds doesn't sound like a whole lot to me. You should be able to lose that if you just cut out refined carbs and exercise vigorously at least three times a week.

I've lost 15 pounds by eating mostly this one vegetable salad I make and very little else. It fills me up, and I love it, so it's been pretty easy. I still need to lose another 25-30 pounds to get to my ideal weight though.

Your boyfriend isn't so different from most men. Most men hope their woman never changes from the girl they fell in love with. My bf doesn't want me to lose weight, if you can believe that! It's a guy thing.