I feel awful... But I can't handle other aspies

[Chance]

I feel so typical in this way because while it's hard for me to understand others all the time, other aspies or autistic folks unnerve me.

Typical people are weird because I can't ever trust what they're saying is how they feel. I take it at face value, but I know that I should be reading for other cues I've learned.

Emotional people are easier because they are hyper expressive. I can understand how to respond to them because they are loud, with body language if not actually being loud.

Aspies and other autistic people... Especially higher on the spectrum, make me straight up defensive. I'm looking for an out of the interaction immediately. They do not follow the rules, they do not behave how they're supposed to, and I can't help but feel uncomfortable.

Part of this is due to early childhood trauma with the daughter of my mom's friend. She is very high spectrum autistic and prone to violent outbursts. She dislocated my thumbs when I was 4, because I wouldn't play "Itsy-bitsy spider." Obviously some of that trauma has been burned into my survival instincts like a phobia, but no matter how much I try, how much I disconnect my emotions from thought, I cannot feel comfortable around the sort of people. I feel awful, like I'm a Jew affraid of Hasidic people (I was raised Jewish).

Is there anyone who also feels this? Any helpful suggestions? Do you think it's the early trauma that I just can't escape without therapy?

I mostly understand how you feel. I personally interact with as few people as possible in just normal settings. I dont have much experience with other Aspies or ASD people so I cant single them out. I do know AS/ASD people can do and say some odd things... Maybe this is one very real reason I try so hard to keep my Tourettes at bay, or vanish if it starts rearing itself. I dont want to be seen as weird or cause other people to be uncomfortable.

My issues are with loud forceful people... that would be on or off the spectrum.
I dont think you should beat yourself up over it.
I dont like to talk and people try and make me feel bad for that, but I just don't worry over it so much any more. I do whatever is best for my life experience without trying to offend others. : )