I can't let go of wanting a girlfriend

[Markness]

Can the discussion about farming please go somewhere else?

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Can the discussion about farming please go somewhere else?

Sorry we are getting side . I hope my uncle and my example gives you an idea how to attract someone, What do you like doing that would get you out in public enjoying yourself. i t could be music, sporting event, I like taking my wife to tractor pulls.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I feel like a failure when I realize I don’t have the abilities as well as when I don’t acquire them despite practicing for them. It makes me want to commit suicide quite often.

I’ve attempted things like going to social places in Austin and seeking out a matchmaking service (Which I paid $100 something dollars for but it went nowhere.)

So, you tried things and perhaps learned from them. Welcome to the school of hard knocks, that does not mean you are a failure. You may be that if you give up. Look at Ronald Zeeman or myself, who prepared ourselves, our outlooks, and engaged with life by putting ourselves forward in interesting ways and recognized when lightning struck us unexpectedly. I daresay that has happened to us of both sexes here who have managed relationships. Why haven't you expected your psychiatrist to counsel you socially and prepare you, changing your outlook and building your agency? If YOU don't change, ain't nothing changing.

 

[Markness]

I can’t handle it when I am told to not look for a relationship and that there is more to life than romance. I don’t know how I can establish one if I don’t look for one. To me, that’s like wanting to learn martial arts but not attending a dojo. I really don’t get the logic behind not looking for a relationship to be the path I need to take to finally have one.

I also find it baffling that it’s usually people in relationships who discourage me from romance and even behave hostilely to me in that regard. They are also the ones telling me the most there is more to life than romance.

 

[Markness]

I used to have an online contact back when I truly became depressed over not having a girlfriend. She would constantly tell me things like “Stop thinking about women! Focus on your education!” as if she didn’t want me to have a girlfriend. I was about to attend college for the first time as well.

I couldn’t focus on my studies because I saw couples everywhere on the campus. That’s partly why I don’t have a college degree.

 

[tree]

@Markness

You may have seen squirrels on campus, too, but
you weren't telling yourself the same story about them
as you did about the human couples.

 

[Markness]

@Markness

You may have seen squirrels on campus, too, but
you weren't telling yourself the same story about them
as you did about the human couples.

I was too overwhelmed by depression to even notice anything else.

 

[tree]

But not too overwhelmed to focus on couples
and tell yourself how terrible it was not to be
partaking of that experience.

Selective attention.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I used to have an online contact back when I truly became depressed over not having a girlfriend. She would constantly tell me things like “Stop thinking about women! Focus on your education!” as if she didn’t want me to have a girlfriend. I was about to attend college for the first time as well.

I couldn’t focus on my studies because I saw couples everywhere on the campus. That’s partly why I don’t have a college degree.

So? without the social skills I knew a relationship was out of the question, but I was friendly with some and one, a petite ginger, seemed to notice me, though I was still clueless. At that time my goal was to be able to live independently, so I took things seriously. There was nothing stopping me from gaining the knowledge and skills to get out on my own and be able to earn a living. Plus, I enjoyed the stimulation of the humanities that I was required to study.

What are YOU doing to move ahead with your life, or do you enjoy the stagnation of your self flagellation?

 

[Markness]

So? without the social skills I knew a relationship was out of the question, but I was friendly with some and one, a petite ginger, seemed to notice me, though I was still clueless. At that time my goal was to be able to live independently, so I took things seriously. There was nothing stopping me from gaining the knowledge and skills to get out on my own and be able to earn a living. Plus, I enjoyed the stimulation of the humanities that I was required to study.

What are YOU doing to move ahead with your life, or do you enjoy the stagnation of your self flagellation?

I am currently practically broke so I really can’t do anything right now.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I am currently practically broke so I really can’t do anything right now.

The solution to that will give you a chance to grow.

 

[tree]

I am currently practically broke so I really can’t do anything right now.

Money is not a magical solution.

 

[VictorR]

Hi Markness,

Here's a selection of your posts from the past month:

I’ve lost my motivation to do hobbies of any sort, the heat is killing me, and I feel trapped by my life’s circumstances.

I feel like a failure when I realize I don’t have the abilities as well as when I don’t acquire them despite practicing for them. It makes me want to commit suicide quite often.

I fear I will continue to feel this way until I die. My thoughts are stuck on the beliefs that I am indeed alone and there is no solution for me except to give up and somehow purge the desire for a girlfriend out of my system.

I can stop thinking about how I don’t have a partner and I wish people here didn’t dislike me.

I can’t even meet anyone through forums or Discord.

It really hurts that I can’t figure out something most people can and that time is running out for me.

I feel like crying at work.

My body hurts all over.

I feel very low right now. I keep getting pushed to the wayside socially and I don’t have any goals nor dreams. I feel like I need to commit suicide.

And here's page 149 "Don't Miss These Possible Signs of a Mood Disorder" from Chapter 5 "Know These Psychiatric Conditions Associated With Autism" from Temple Grandin and Debra Moore's recent book Navigating Autism. (I'm currently reading the book and once I've done reading it and have a review ready - likely by this weekend - I'll add it to the resource section)

 

[Markness]

Money is not a magical solution.

Not having enough does prevent me from doing certain things, though.

 

[tree]

Not having enough does prevent me from doing certain things, though.

Like what?

 

[Markness]

Like what?

Certain social events such as music shows and pop culture conventions.

 

[tree]

Certain social events such as music shows and pop culture conventions.

How would more expensive social functions enhance your life?

 

[tree]

The best kind of fun isn't necessarily the most expensive.

People can enjoy themselves in ways that don't have to cost money.

I think it's a mistake to pin *happiness* to a price tag.

Simple activities are pleasurable with people who can enjoy
what they are doing. Talking, playing games, taking walks,
fixing things, picking up trash by the side of the road....
any of those can be fun, if you let them.

 

[Markness]

My father attracts those who are called “gold diggers” due to his status as a doctor. He even dated someone who was my age at the time (Early 20’s) while I couldn’t even get a coffee date.

 

[Markness]

Don't worry about trying hard. Love will find you. It'll fall into your life one day and surprise you. It's not this thing that happens when you're trying really hard. It's more of a thing where you meet someone by chance, and you just click.

It's not a cheesy "Hey ladies, are you available?" type thing, that people try for. Real love happens by accident.

Make sure everywhere you go, practice good grooming, and be polite, yet assertive/ confident. Open doors for women, children, and elders. Grab stuff off high shelves for ladies at the store. Say stuff like "Let me get that for you". And smile.

If a man likes a woman, often he makes assertive eye contact with her. And you'll know a girl likes you, because she will look away a little bit, in a shy way. Learn nonverbal cues. A lot of us brush right past people who have true affection for us because we don't recognize the signs.

Good luck.

I’ve read horrifying stories of people who are twice my age and they never had love come into their lives. I’d rather commit suicide than wait another 34 years.