I can't let go of wanting a girlfriend

[Markness]

Someone literally told me in all caps to GIVE UP on wanting a girlfriend. This person hated me and didn’t want me to have a girlfriend so she expressed her anger at me whenever she could. I wanted to prove her wrong but I never could. She probably still hates me and hopes I never have a lover.

 

[AprilR]

Just because someone said this, doesn't mean you have to care about it. Or that you don't deserve a girlfriend.

 

[tree]

@Markness

So?
Somebody told you something.

"Never"????
You "never could."

That is not accurate.
You are living, therefore the end of your experiences has not yet come.

What makes this person so important?

I know it's the weekend, I know you're uncomfortable from heat.
No need to make yourself more miserable by reciting these tried
and true renditions of *crummy stuff people have told me that I'm
kinda afraid might be true*....is there?

Or do you love doing that?
How much do you enjoy tormenting yourself?

I am asking because you do it so well, and so frequently.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

You cannot control what people say, BUT you can choose how you will react to it.

 

[Shaddock]

Someone literally told me in all caps what is in the title of this thread.

self-fulfilling prophecy. it feels like you waited for someone who said this and now you are like "YES, someone did! all my thoughts were true! here, look! that´s the proof!"

the probability that someones says something like that after you mentioned that you want a girlfriend around 300 times here in this forum is really high and it does change nothing.

you could keep the forum busy forever with your posts, but I don´t know what this would change in your life. even so many people answering your posts and try to help you, I´m not sure if anyone besides a therapist really could help you.

I don´t want to be mean, but it´s stressing that you ask every day (nearly) the same question and you always get answers, but still ask the same questions.

it makes the impression that no matter what someone says, it´s impossible to change your thinking and maybe some people loose their patience or energy and give up.

you seem to be in a time loop. I could set my alarm glock to you. it would always ring each day. every day the same question:

"why I don´t have a girlfriend?"
"why I don´t have a girlfriend?"
"why I don´t have a girlfriend?"
"why I don´t have a girlfriend?"
"why I don´t have a girlfriend?"
"why I don´t have a girlfriend?"
"why I don´t have a girlfriend?"
"why I don´t have a girlfriend?"

sure I don´t have to read and to answer and did not in the beginning, even when I not dislike you.

but slowly I get a stroke when seeing these question every day. but you can write what you want.

I wonder if some people loose their mind when they see this question every day. it´s like hypnosis.

"is he asking these question really every day or is something wrong with my mind?"

maybe it´s a long coordinated secret psychological strategy to demoralize the mind of the members and to powder it to dust, just by asking the same question every day. so subtile and noone conscious realize it´s.

I think in my case it works.

I´m not sure if I should either hit my head repeatedly against my desk or if I should go into the city and should scream "WHY MARKNESS GET´S NO GIRLFRIEND! WHY!", until the police catches me up and puts me in a psychiatry.

and they would say "who is this markness he is talking about the whole time?" and the other police officer would say "he is just crazy. this markness only exists in his mind. poor guy."

 

[Slime_Punk]

She sounds like a real debbie downer if she said that. I personally think you shouldn't give up, unless you truly want to.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Or do you love doing that?
How much do you enjoy tormenting yourself?

I used to torment myself being so afraid of rejection because that would validate myself as being undesirable. But I got through that and started asking women I knew, out. So, of course, I had one memorable rejection. It was unusual because of the kindness with which it was given and she ended recommending a woman I should ask out. I took her advice and had a very nice day trip to see King Lear at the Stratford, Ontario, Shakespear Festival with the woman she recommended.

 

[Metalhead]

People want romantic partners who are comfortable being alone. Be your own best friend, Markness, and that will make you more attractive to others. People are attracted to confidence and self reliance, generally.

Telling you this because I sometimes have to tell myself the same thing. Heh.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

People are attracted to confidence and self reliance, generally.

Amen, Brother!

 

[Metalhead]

Markness, if I can give up something like booze, that means there is hope for you to build yourself up. You need to learn to be both your own loving parent and your own best friend, and that really is not as bad as it sounds since it will make more people want to spend time with you.

 

[Fino]

It might not be such bad advice. If you did give up, you would focus on other things, and that would make you more open and attractive.

 

[Markness]

It might not be such bad advice. If you did give up, you would focus on other things, and that would make you more open and attractive.

I don’t take advice from people who hate me.

 

[Metalhead]

I don’t take advice from people who hate me.

Try taking advice from people here who do not hate you. Not everybody in the world is out to make sure you remain single forever. But you do need to work on yourself, be kind to yourself, believe you are worth the effort. Women can tell when a guy does not believe he is worth the effort. You are worth the effort, but you have to believe it and act like it.

 

[VictorR]

Many of us here wish you well... but you don't make repeated posts about the support you're getting. Why not?


Separately, are you getting enough sleep and rest? Not being well rested can lead to increased irritability and anxiety.

 

[Metalhead]

There once was a movie I saw called Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and the central character was obsessed with finding his other half in another person. At the end of the movie, he grows up and realizes he was always perfectly complete the way he was, and he became a kinder person because of it. Think on that for a few seconds.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Women can tell when a guy does not believe he is worth the effort. You are worth the effort, but you have to believe it and act like it.

A lot of the time it's just in the person's actions, too. Someone who doesn't think they're worth it won't ask somebody out, won't try to meet people, and will generally just wallow in it. Plenty of women would give that guy a chance, imperfections and all, but it's never going to happen if he doesn't stick his neck out and try.

Not directed at you, OP. But I think it's a similar idea.

Ever heard of a book called Rejection Proof, or a game called Rejection Therapy? It's worth looking into.

 

[Misery]

Someone literally told me in all caps what is in the title of this thread. This person hated me and didn’t want me to have a girlfriend so she expressed her anger at me whenever she could. I wanted to prove her wrong but I never could. She probably still hates me and hopes I never have a lover.

Out of curiosity, who told you this? Who said that?

Is it, uh... without using names, is this the individual we've talked about before?

Or was this someone else?

Was this recent?

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

You will get a girl friend when you end the internal dialog, of not being worthy of having a female friend.
that's what I said Friend, that's how it starts. friendship first. Women are not strange creatures first find a common interest, the rest will follow naturally. This is not something that can be forced, or somehow willed into existence.
make yourself presentable and put your self out there, the target rich environment would be your like minded community; fellow Aspies if you have interesting interests, you would be surprised how interesting you become to some one who shares those interests.

You cannot control what others think, so just let it go.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

A lot of the time it's just in the person's actions, too. Someone who doesn't think they're worth it won't ask somebody out, won't try to meet people, and will generally just wallow in it. Plenty of women would give that guy a chance, imperfections and all, but it's never going to happen if he doesn't stick his neck out and try.

Not directed at you, OP. But I think it's a similar idea.

Ever heard of a book called Rejection Proof, or a game called Rejection Therapy? It's worth looking into.

So True! For the longest time I did not feel worthwhile because of the lies I told myself. I felt isolated yet I contributed to that isolation. I was afraid of asking out any woman I knew while seeing them disappointed in jerks they got involved with, bemoaning not finding a good man. That is when I realized that I never approached them to give them a choice. Rebuilding myself and deciding on @Ronald Zeeman 's idea of friends first, I started asking out women, to plays, to see fireworks on the Detroit River (from a park in Windsor), hiking, and just to have fun. It was thrilling just to finally share experiences with a woman. One ended up in a short term relationship, but that ended when we were ultimately incompatible.

It all starts with liking yourself and stepping up to ask somebody out.

 

[Markness]

@Markness

So?
Somebody told you something.

"Never"????
You "never could."

That is not accurate.
You are living, therefore the end of your experiences has not yet come.

What makes this person so important?

I know it's the weekend, I know you're uncomfortable from heat.
No need to make yourself more miserable by reciting these tried
and true renditions of *crummy stuff people have told me that I'm
kinda afraid might be true*....is there?

Or do you love doing that?
How much do you enjoy tormenting yourself?

I am asking because you do it so well, and so frequently.

I don’t love it. I do it because I have to get my emotions out of my head.