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I can't let go of wanting a girlfriend

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@Markness
Just as an exercise, for a week or so, you could try balancing every negative thing with one positive thing. Just to get practice noticing and putting in writing the positives that are there.
 
I thought by now I would either be in a long term relationship or married. Instead, 2006 keeps repeating itself. :(
 
Markness said:
I thought by now I would either be in a long term relationship or married. Instead, 2006 keeps repeating itself. :(
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Okay, you could try it now if you want to… That’s one bad thing. But what is one good thing that has happened since 2006?
 
Just stop looking. That is what I am trying to do. I know it can be difficult seeing couples everywhere and no single woman, but I am trying to keep myself occupied.
 
@Tony Ramirez, I understand, in the opposite direction.

@Markness, even though I am firmly uninterested in finding a partner right now, it can still spark feelings of loneliness to see a seemingly happy couple together.

Maybe you can think of us in those moments. When you see a couple and it makes you feel sad or whatever, think of the rest of us who are in the same situation. Think of friends.
 
Rodafina said:
@Tony Ramirez, I understand, in the opposite direction.

@Markness, even though I am firmly uninterested in finding a partner right now, it can still spark feelings of loneliness to see a seemingly happy couple together.

Maybe you can think of us in those moments. When you see a couple and it makes you feel sad or whatever, think of the rest of us who are in the same situation. Think of friends.
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I actually have two male friends I know in person who aren’t dating any women. However, they willfully don’t. One’s ok with being a hermit and the other thinks most American women aren’t worth getting to know.
 
I understand what you are going through. After my cousin got a divorce he was depressed and angry. Yet in 2007 he meet his soul mate and got married again in 2008. I keep wondering how the heck he meet her so easy. My grandmother said at a American football game. I saw the only thing I meet in crowds was a headache from the noise and couples everywhere.
 
Markness said:
Someone literally told me in all caps to GIVE UP on wanting a girlfriend. This person hated me and didn’t want me to have a girlfriend so she expressed her anger at me whenever she could. I wanted to prove her wrong but I never could. She probably still hates me and hopes I never have a lover.
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I'm sorry you've had to deal with someone negative like this. I hope you experience gets better.

When I was younger, I coveted the idea of relationships. I so desperately wanted a girlfriend. Part of autism for me was always feeling...left out and lonely for reasons I just couldn't identify. I was hell-bent on getting a girlfriend because deep down, I wanted to be understood, loved, and accepted. I never had this sort of fulfillment from my parents.

Eventually I found the perfect, special someone who understands me. Is our relationship wonderful? No. am I perfect? No. Some folks may spout 'no one can love you unless you love yourself!" for years, I didn't believe in that idea either, because I really don't love myself. But I do accept myself; the good, the bad, and the ugly, and so does my significant.

You know--I'm probably rambling needlessly at this point. sorry for the wall of text. I...I hope things get better for you soon.
 
@Markness
Sorry you still feel crappy about things. Did you get a chance to talk to anybody at college or was this online?
Putting ourself out for rejection is tough but it's what we got to do. And it hurts. I thought this guy eventually would dump me even though we hit it off. And we are still friends to this day. But l had the mindset of he is smart, sensitive, great looking, he won't like me. It wasn't a good way for me to march into a relationship.
 
Aspychata said:
@Markness
Sorry you still feel crappy about things. Did you get a chance to talk to anybody at college or was this online?
Putting ourself out for rejection is tough but it's what we got to do. And it hurts. I thought this guy eventually would dump me even though we hit it off. And we are still friends to this day. But l had the mindset of he is smart, sensitive, great looking, he won't like me. It wasn't a good way for me to march into a relationship.
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I talked to the instructor of the course I am supposed to take in March. She said she would get back to me about the syllabus but she hasn’t yet.

Apparently I shouldn’t even put myself out according to some people here.
 
This "putting yourself out there" isn't going to be
useful if you continually berate yourself for what
you view as constant failure.

You are quite non-supportive of yourself.
aka "mean"
 
Markness said:
I suppose I can give it a try.
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You might also consider to reach out being supportive to others here, rather than spending so much time dwelling on yourself. There a lot of people in pain here in so many ways.

You may help someone, you never know. And in the process perhaps feel a little better about yourself, apart from others feeling better about you too.

"Pay it forward" as they say. It's a start, where you have nothing to lose and something to gain.
 
Judge said:
You might also consider to reach out being supportive to others here, rather than spending so much time dwelling on yourself. There a lot of people in pain here in so many ways.

You may help someone, you never know. And in the process perhaps feel a little better about yourself, apart from others feeling better about you too.

"Pay it forward" as they say. It's a start, where you have nothing to lose and something to gain.
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Yes! We don’t have to be perfect to help others. Also, I find it very helpful to put my focus outside of myself sometimes. Good call, @Judge.
 
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