Does anybody know of links between hypersexuality and autism. I have always had strong sexual urges, and have often engaged recklessly in sexual behaviour and this goes back to a young age, before I should have been interested in such things. I also have issues if looking at women and having sexual thoughts. The women don’t even have to be attractive. But I get strong thoughts. In the past I have had temptations in voyeurism. And have paid for sex acts. I have also had problems with too much porn viewing. I hate this behaviour but it’s like a compulsion.
I have started dating a girl. And I am crazy for her. I don’t want sexual activity with anyone else and won’t engage in it but the thoughts and fear of her catching me staring at another woman is worrying. I don’t want to do that to her. She deserves better.
Anybody got any advice.
There's a couple of things going on:
1. Autism is one of the low dopamine neurological conditions. As such, behaviors that raise dopamine are going to "reward the brain". For some, it is going to be sexual activities. For some, sexual activity is "self medicating".
2. Autism is often associated with low oxytocin and vasopressin, the "love hormones" responsible for social bonding and initiation. For myself, I don't bond through verbal communication, it has to be physical touch. It could be simple hand holding, cuddling, a hug, a kiss, whatever, but this is how I have to bond with my wife.
3. With regards to looking at other people, whether it be her, or yourself, this is something you do have to discuss, and best if there is a sense of humor. Some people have very low self esteems and for their partner to look at another is seen as a threat, and will upset them. Some people do not have low self esteems, and just laugh at the behavior and tease their partner when they catch them. The later, being my wife and I. We both understand we are fully committed to each other, but more importantly, we are human beings. Being married is a social construct for many important reasons, but on the other hand, there are also primal urges and desires because we are three hairs from being chimpanzees. The key thing is to have the self control and discipline NOT act on those urges and desires. You have to be able to step back and realize that you can love your partner
and it's human nature to be attracted to other people, and it can happen without it being seen as a threat to the relationship because you have committed yourself to your partner. However, if one or the both of you cannot get past your low self esteems, controlling behaviors, trust issues, etc. and the relationship is important to you both, then establish some fair "rules of conduct". Communicate with each other.
