How do you cope with being snubbed?

[Maelstrom]

I'm gonna give you guys some really bad news about getting snubbed. It happens a lot more then you think, A LOT MORE. And I can tell you this from years of experience. I am an electrical engineer and I used to build electronic bug/eavesdropping devices. And I always keep anybody that called themselves "My friend" under tight surveillance. that said. I have yet to this day to ever make a true friend in this world. Every "so called" friend that has come my way has always talked badly about me when I'm not in the room. It's a painful reality that I had to learn(and accept) the hard way. YOU CAN'T TRUST ANYONE!

Well I don't know on that have you ever stopped to count passing negative comments on a friend to a third party? We all vent some times out frustrations or just to process things, yes it is a bad habit it is better to only say nice things, but sometimes life gets the better of us. I phylosophy is if you want mercy in life...you had better be willing to offer it too.

People who don't forgive much....don't end up with friends much.

So I try to let things slide, but it is a two way street some times I have to just walk away too! Maelstrom

 

[garnetflower13]

Suzanne; you may remember when I posted about a so called good friendship of nearly 20 years duration abruptly ended when I told her I was planning to move back to my prior home state? It took me many months of grieving before I got over that. So I can relate to your pain, most definitely.

 

[FreeDiver]

Well I don't know on that have you ever stopped to count passing negative comments on a friend to a third party?

No! I don't tell anyone that I've been spying on then or anyone else. That intelligence I get, I keep to myself and I don't pass rumors around ether. That intel is just for me to use for my own personal decision making.

We all vent some times out frustrations or just to process things, yes it is a bad habit it is better to only say nice things, but sometimes life gets the better of us. I phylosophy is if you want mercy in life...you had better be willing to offer it too.

That's why I don't jump conclusions. Believe me, I do my homework and I don't judge a book by it cover.

People who don't forgive much....don't end up with friends much.

So I try to let things slide, but it is a two way street some times I have to just walk away too! Maelstrom

I try to forgive and let thing slide. But most of the time that doesn't work and in the end. You end up being the jester of the party.

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="FreeDiver, I try to forgive and let thing slide. But most of the time that doesn't work and in the end. You end up being the jester of the party.[/QUOTE]

I know FreeDiver ,I understand, I have been there too....but at least you walk away with knowing your hands are clean and you did your best.....it lightens the heart a little....but it always hurts some.

 

[music.forlife7]

I have learned to ignore being snubbed by other people in the past. I feel that women do it more than men, even though both genders can snub, because women are known to be catty in general. I went up to give my sister's cousin a hug and a friendly greeting at a baby shower, and she gave me a pretty icy response. I know I can't judge and I don't know what was going on in her mind, I just wish she would have been more open. It also depends a lot on how the person was raised, if the person was taught to be friendly, he or she going to be friendly. If the person was taught to be reserved, he or she is going to be reserved. I never like to hate other people so I'm friends with her on Facebook, because even the people who I don't necessarily hit it off with have their good points, it's just not close.

 

[Darwin162]

I personally am unable to cope at all, even if I have a good idea why it is happening! It stripes me of all dignity and I become as though I am dumb; as though I have a blockage in my throat and cannot get the words out and when I do, it is ignored that causes me to go right deep into myself.

I thought that female and male snubbing would be different, but have found that they both have the same impact on me.

I rather not go into detail, but do feel very alone with this.

I cuddle my dog

 

[Mads]

This happens to me all the time, in general. Even relatives lose interest, but they come back because they're stuck with me.

I make friends with somebody, whoosh. They're gone. There are a some people who I am very lucky to know, and that haven't totally left me. But for the people that do, I have a bad habit of revealing myself to them. That made me decide to just give up talking about my issues to them.

 

[Maelstrom]

This happens to me all the time, in general. Even relatives lose interest, but they come back because they're stuck with me.

I make friends with somebody, whoosh. They're gone. There are a some people who I am very lucky to know, and that haven't totally left me. But for the people that do, I have a bad habit of revealing myself to them. That made me decide to just give up talking about my issues to them.

That is why God made cats

 

[Mads]

That is why God made cats

That is quite true.

 

[paloftoon]

. . .. My husband did reveal to me that he had told this guy that I only flirt when it is initated by the opposite sex, which is true enough and it is reckoned that is why he is distant with me!

. . .

For your husband to do that is a big indication that he is not happy with the marriage. I am sorry you are facing this. He does not value you (anymore.) It sounds like he got attracted to you by looks, but now feels like he has to use too much energy to enjoy the relationship.

I would highly advise on marriage counseling. If you are able to initiate with your husband and stand your ground at a moment's notice when appropriate, this might help too. Hard for anyone to figure that out. I wish you the best.

 

[Warmheart]

Suzanne, you are a wonderful, kind, thoughtful lady with some amazing insights to offer. Anyone who snubs you is missing out!
Soon the sting of this snub will be past, and you will be back to knowing that you are someone valuable and worthy of kindness.

How do I react to bei9ng snubbed? I'm basically oblivious to it. If I am ever aware, I usually do not mind at all. I am happy with my own company. However if it is a group I have been included with and THEN get snubbed, that hurts very much, though only for a short bit.

 

[granolaturtle]

I just kind of expect it to happen at some point. Whenever I am friends with someone, I always feel like they'll get tired of me at one point, or they'll realize how terrible my personality actually is, and they'll decide they don't want to interact with me at any moment. Whenever I talk to someone I don't know, I think they must think about how annoying I am - this way I don't get my hopes up for anything, whether friendships or relationships. If I get my hopes up, it just hurts even more in the long run.

 

[Suzanne]

For your husband to do that is a big indication that he is not happy with the marriage. I am sorry you are facing this. He does not value you (anymore.) It sounds like he got attracted to you by looks, but now feels like he has to use too much energy to enjoy the relationship.

I would highly advise on marriage counseling. If you are able to initiate with your husband and stand your ground at a moment's notice when appropriate, this might help too. Hard for anyone to figure that out. I wish you the best.

My husband does value me; he is just a very busy man and has preconceived ideas on what it means to be there for someone. It is true that he was attracted to my looks, but hehehe that has not changed at all and he is showing that he does appreciate me for who I am. He even teases me about being aspergers and deliberately mimics my being literal; trouble is he does not get the point that I am taking him literal and that I do not do it to be contrary. I think, he is gradually understanding and I guess it is because when others give insight to working with someone with aspergers, he nods his head avidily to say: that is exactly like my wife.

The above comment I made, was because this other guy truly has confused me and often talk about it with my husband and he came out and said: well he could be cold toward's you, because I said you react to flirting and so, he stays away, because he does not want to cause conflict. He did actually flirt with me when I first got to know him ( when I was much younger, I had no idea if someone was flirting with me, but somehow have learned how to read that). I told this guy to begin with to not make suggestive comments to me, for I will join in and he did not listen and did and stupidly found myself responding.

My husband and I tried councelling many year's ago, but it is quite impossible now, since we live in France. But our faith actually helps us out enormously. My husband is beginning to appreciate all the hard work I do at home and really does go out of his way to help.

Anyway, this other guy is no longer in my life, so to speak and I want to keep it like that. So if suddenly my husband gets a text from him to say: come over for a bite to eat, I will not go, for I refuse to be invited, only to be snubbed virtually the whole evening!

The thing is that I know why this guy behaves this way with me, but at the same time, I feel so arrogant to suppose it is for that reason and so, get confused and have meltdowns!

Oh and we have been married 25 year's this year and I tell you, even before we got married, we clashed, but circumstances caused us to get married anyway ( my background) and so, from day one, we have argued and struggled and we often say that if it were not for our faith, we would be divorced, but we keep going and I have to say, I feel tender feelings towards him right now and hate it lol hate feeling vunerable with this type of emotion.

 

[Suzanne]

Suzanne, you are a wonderful, kind, thoughtful lady with some amazing insights to offer. Anyone who snubs you is missing out!
Soon the sting of this snub will be past, and you will be back to knowing that you are someone valuable and worthy of kindness.

How do I react to bei9ng snubbed? I'm basically oblivious to it. If I am ever aware, I usually do not mind at all. I am happy with my own company. However if it is a group I have been included with and THEN get snubbed, that hurts very much, though only for a short bit.

I so appreciate you amazing words to me, warmheart. I have figured it out that it is plain jealousy, which is just so bizarre to me, because these women who snub me, seem to have a much better life than I do! But unfortunately I do acknowlege with shame that their husband's seem to like me a bit too much and instead of looking to their husband's, they attack me via snubbery! I do nothing to encourage these guys at all, but I am a smiler and laugh easily and I guess that draws men. But I much rather be at ease with the women.

Sadly, never does pass, because it happens all too often and my memory is very long! What is crazy is that I finally figured it out that I snub or should say: I stay out of their way. So if I see them, I walk in the opposite direction and thus, it is perceived as snubbery on my part but what also shocked me, was I do not actually like this women anyway! I have spent so much agony of them not liking me, that it never occurred to me, that actually I do not like their personality.

I do not like artificial people who are loud because they want to shine ie look at me, am I not great? Sort of thing.

 

[garnetflower13]

I struggle with jealousy from other people too, Suzanne! So I can relate. Remember when I posted about the wife of my husband's boss? The way she kept disrespecting me at the company Christmas party? Women are always jealous of me, and it makes me confused and uncomfortable because I can't understand what there is to be jealous about.