How do you cope with being snubbed?

[Suzanne]

I personally am unable to cope at all, even if I have a good idea why it is happening! It stripes me of all dignity and I become as though I am dumb; as though I have a blockage in my throat and cannot get the words out and when I do, it is ignored that causes me to go right deep into myself.

I thought that female and male snubbing would be different, but have found that they both have the same impact on me.

I rather not go into detail, but do feel very alone with this.

 

[Crossbreed]

"Snubbed" is such a broad concept. Are you talking about not getting a job/promotion, being ignored/disregarded by someone that you thought was a friend, or something else?

 

[zoedundas]

The more I care about the person the more it hurts but I'm so bad at personal relationships the more I care about someone the more likely I am to mess things up [emoji17]

 

[Suzanne]

"Snubbed" is such a broad concept. Are you talking about not getting a job/promotion, being ignored/disregarded by someone that you thought was a friend, or something else?

As in someone I know, who was very friendly with me and then, virtually ignoring me. Sorry, I did not think that it was such a broad concept, as I do not see that not getting a job is being snubbed!

 

[Crossbreed]

I don't know what kind of comfort to offer, but I'm sorry that happened to you.

 

[laurag9g9g9]

I personally am unable to cope at all, even if I have a good idea why it is happening! It stripes me of all dignity and I become as though I am dumb; as though I have a blockage in my throat and cannot get the words out and when I do, it is ignored that causes me to go right deep into myself.

I thought that female and male snubbing would be different, but have found that they both have the same impact on me.

I rather not go into detail, but do feel very alone with this.

It happens to me all the time. I seem to be functional on an acquaintance level and we both seem to realize that's the limit. I've found it stopped for a reason. Like , I wouldn't have much in common anyway. Or I respect them enough to know I'd be more than their life could handle at the moment. You are not alone

 

[Cosmophylla]

It used to happen to me a lot when I was a teenager and in my twenties. But I also realised I'm guilty of doing a similar thing, albeit for a (probably) different reason: low self esteem and/or anxiety. I just need to escape from people. I don't intend to hurt anyone.

These days I have a very limited social circle by choice. Both to protect myself from being snubbed but also to protect myself from the stress of having to maintain relationships that I eventually tire of, as well as making sure I don't "snub" others.

As for coping with being snubbed: it hurts, a lot. Even twenty-odd years later some incidents still baffle me. One of these was when my best friend saw that my period had started and come through my school uniform, unbeknownst to me. When we got off the bus she ran away to where her elder sister was waiting and whispered something to her, then they both looked at me and smirked. I didn't get it. It was only when I was halfway home, after walking across a busy carpark and main roads, that I noticed all the blood on my uniform. I was mortified and so incredulous that my best friend didn't have the decency to tell me, but saw fit to joke at my expense. I realised she had been using me and I withdrew, never trusted her again.

 

[wanderer03]

I hate the feeling of being snubbed as well. That much said, at some point it is their problem and you should not let them take you from a good place. I've learned to basically give both my middle fingers to anyone whom doesn't like me. It is they who have the problem, not me.

 

[Judge]

Alleged "friends" who suddenly just ditch you for good without explanation.

It's devastating. Happened to me in my middle and high school years and I never really got over it. Probably just another thing to subconsciously keep me at an arms length from the rest of humanity.

 

[wanderer03]

The heavy metal and indie rock seen taught me to tell those who don't like me and put me down where to cram it.

 

[Maelstrom]

I personally am unable to cope at all, even if I have a good idea why it is happening! It stripes me of all dignity and I become as though I am dumb; as though I have a blockage in my throat and cannot get the words out and when I do, it is ignored that causes me to go right deep into myself.

I thought that female and male snubbing would be different, but have found that they both have the same impact on me.

I rather not go into detail, but do feel very alone with this.

Hi Suzanne ,I try to ignore it, mostly out of kindness....I can remember times when distractions and other people made a friend feel snubbed.
There are also times when you try to make a new friend and you realize it just is not going to work out...a bad personality match.
There is no real polite way to explain to someone that you drive me up the wall.

Sometimes people are just having a bad day and feeling anti social.

If it happens too much with one person I just go friend shopping elsewhere there really is not much you can do.
If you really want this friend back Suzanne ,you could ask what is wrong? you really don't have much to lose, and there is always a small chance of fixing it.

Best wishes Mael

 

[danielcollins]

I'm terrible for this, it's totally unintentional but relationships just kind of wilt with me most of the time. So I'm probably unknowingly doing it.

Although when someone does it to me I hate it. But I usually just ignore them, if they're snubbing me intentionally I just think they're not worth me spending time with.

 

[Maelstrom]

It happens to me all the time. I seem to be functional on an acquaintance level and we both seem to realize that's the limit. I've found it stopped for a reason. Like , I wouldn't have much in common anyway. Or I respect them enough to know I'd be more than their life could handle at the moment. You are not alone

I totally get what you are saying laurag9g9g9 ,I have that happen all the time, different poeple have different friendship styles and comfort levels. If they don't match well enough a point is reached were the waters part and dry land stands inbetween you....no friendship match!

I suspect the number of good matches out there waiting for us is a bit lower than normal, but there are some if you keep trying. I actually engage more than the NTs now is starting friendships, but I test gently, it's a numbers game, you have to sort through quite a few people to find a keeper, but all you need in life is one or two to be happy.

 

[FreeDiver]

I'm gonna give you guys some really bad news about getting snubbed. It happens a lot more then you think, A LOT MORE. And I can tell you this from years of experience. I am an electrical engineer and I used to build electronic bug/eavesdropping devices. And I always keep anybody that called themselves "My friend" under tight surveillance. that said. I have yet to this day to ever make a true friend in this world. Every "so called" friend that has come my way has always talked badly about me when I'm not in the room. It's a painful reality that I had to learn(and accept) the hard way. YOU CAN'T TRUST ANYONE!

 

[laurag9g9g9]

I'm gonna give you guys some really bad news about getting snubbed. It happens a lot more then you think, A LOT MORE. And I can tell you this from years of experience. I am an electrical engineer and I used to build electronic bug/eavesdropping devices. And I always keep anybody that called themselves "My friend" under tight surveillance. that said. I have yet to this day to ever make a true friend in this world. Every "so called" friend that has come my way has always talked badly about me when I'm not in the room. It's a painful reality that I had to learn(and accept) the hard way. YOU CAN'T TRUST ANYONE!

Wow, I got shivers thinking that through. I prefer my ignorance.. I couldn't handle their truth. I'm sorry you went through that. Mean people suck.

 

[Flinty]

To answer the question...keep myself out of situations that might involve me being snubbed in the first place.

 

[Suzanne]

I will now reveal the reason for this post, although it embarrasses me to admit it, because I truly hate the thought of being arrogant, but the person who has been snubbing me is a chap and well, it appears he is attracted to me ( he gives such confusing signals to me) but having lived with an nt for most of my life, I have learned to read certain body mannerisms and this guy actually blushes when I have said hello.

I have tried to keep out of his way as much as possible, but pretty difficult when he seems fit to attach himself to my husband and loudly calls him a friend, but even my husband agrees he is a funny friend!

I thought I had seen the last of him, but with shock, he texts my husband and invites him over for a meal and my husband says it means us. I tried to grab on to the part that he did not include me, but sadly, he invited another couple too and I had no choice but go along for a meal and yes, he spent a good deal of the evening snubbing me. On arriving, he kissed the other lady ( much older than him) and formally put his hand out to me to shake, which although I did not mind, I did feel embarrassed.

I had to sit next to him ( a round table) and oh goodness me, did my mask get a good deal of usage that evening! He did lean over and whisper: does he never relax? Meaning my husband, who was still wearing a jacket ( suit), but I could not answer for I felt he had no right to say that to me! I did want to shout: it is not MY fault if you are attracted to me, for I have done nothing to make him feel that way. Yes, I smile and am very friendly. My husband did reveal to me that he had told this guy that I only flirt when it is initated by the opposite sex, which is true enough and it is reckoned that is why he is distant with me!

The thing is that I have had no choice but be in this guy's company and it is the most awful feeling when one feels that they are invisable and yet, my husband said that often throughout the evening this guy was looking at me!

Mostly when I am snubbed by the opposite sex, I keep well away, simply because I hate the idea of inflicting them with my personality, but when I have no choice but be in their company, that is when I fade into a tiny mental ball of distress!

 

[Judge]

My husband did reveal to me that he had told this guy that I only flirt when it is initiated by the opposite sex, which is true enough and it is reckoned that is why he is distant with me!

Quite frankly if someone's husband were to tell me such a thing about their wife, I'd be inclined to distance myself from them in certain ways from the start. It would prematurely put me ill at ease with both of you.

I'd also be preoccupied with wondering if this was some kind of "veiled threat"...wondering if or what I had done wrong. But then I don't process things like jealousy or envy like most people either...which at times can be problematic for other people but not myself as a rule.

Sorry you had to deal with something so awkward! But I'm not sure who I'd be more at odds with under such circumstances. The man at dinner or your husband? Hmmmm.

 

[laurag9g9g9]

The heavy metal and indie rock seen taught me to tell those who don't like me and put me down where to cram it.

I also like looking to stand up comedians... People never knew what's hit em & the little girl in me gets her daily treat

 

[laurag9g9g9]

Quite frankly if someone's husband were to tell me such a thing about their wife, I'd be inclined to distance myself from them in certain ways from the start. It would prematurely put me ill at ease with both of you.

I'd also be preoccupied with wondering if this was some kind of "veiled threat"...wondering if or what I had done wrong. But then I don't process things like jealousy or envy like most people either...which at times can be problematic for other people but not myself as a rule.

Sorry you had to deal with something so awkward! But I'm not sure who I'd be more at odds with under such circumstances. The man at dinner or your husband? Hmmmm.

You're husband broke the man code of honor! He shouldn't have told you. His intent was honorable. I think it's healthy and productive for same gender friends to be honest like that. It's a way to put your thoughts out there and get honest feedback. I've avoided relationships for 40 years and have had a crash course in last decade! I'm not good at it. hahaha...don't listen to me!!! I just realized Ed doesn't bring me around friends n family much anymore!