Don't feel too bad. I tried to be nice to my wife's friends and they went to her and told her that I was trying to have an affair. WHAT? I was blown away by this. How could people misinterpret my intentions so badly? Anyways, since we found out that I have Aspergers and my wife did some research, she realizes that it was not at all what it seemed. I would never do something like that and her friends were busy bodies that made a practice of talking behind peoples backs, and apparently were flattering themselves. Things worked out in the end, but I do not associate with those ladies at all.
DISCLAIMER: A "generalization" is "a proposition asserting something to be true either of all members of a certain class or of an indefinite part of that class."
By its definition, the proposition does not
necessarily apply to all parts of that class but to an "indefinite" part.
So please don't jump on me for making the following generalization about women, as I intend this as an generalization of the latter variety, being true in an indefinite or unknown number of cases. I acknowledge that there will be many women who do not fit the proposition below, and I am only asserting the proposition based upon my own personal experiences, which is in turn based on an understandably limited data (no man has communicated with or observed all women). /DISCLAIMER
I have observed that women (and some men too) find it VERY easy to believe the worst about men (am I the only one who finds it humorous that I am generalizing about how women tend to make unspoken generalizations pertaining to men? Probably...). If a man is accused of flirting, cheating, or even doing unspeakable things to children, then the female (and sometimes male) mindset is often "guilty until proven innocent."
My wife is an exception to this generalization. More accurately, I am an exception to her internal generalization of men, since she would not believe such things about me unless they were proven (though she might have the opposite perspective concerning other men). However, I still avoid speaking to her friends alone for the same reason that I don't let strange kids pet my dogs at the park unless their parents are present - you need a witness as a man to disprove any unexpected false allegations.
This may sound like a silly or sexist observation. However, I have personally observed normal, ordinary, and seemingly honest men indicted on flimsy evidence where, if it had been a woman who was accused, the grand jury would not have returned an indictment.
Now, imagine when you are accused it is learned that you are a man who was Dx'd with AS/ASD in a world filled with people who are totally ignorant about AS/ASD. Those same ignorant people are potential jurors. If a man with the Dx is accused of anything, either in real court, the court of public opinion, or just by his wife's friends, then he faces a serious dilemma. Our constitutional right to be regarded as innocent until proven guilty will mean precisely jack.
I say all this because you never know, as a man (especially a man on the spectrum), how your actions will be perceived, especially by women and parents. Peace, you were lucky that these women (who you have observed to be gossips) only accused you of attempted cheating. I am pleased your wife was able to understand. However, you made the right decision to cease associating with them.
I like kids - not in a creepy way, but I don't have any children of my own, and so I enjoy chatting with kids for some reason. I often like them more than adults (so long as they are not screaming or making loud noises that drives me away in pain). However, my wife observed that I tend to stare at them (and adults too) and that talking to kids when there parents aren't around is a "weird" thing for a guy to do. I disagree, but she is right that many NT people see it that way, so I avoid being alone with children and women (now that I am married there is no woman I need to be alone with other than my wife). When a kid approaches me walking my dogs in the park, unless there is a parent present to supervise, I walk away as quickly as my dogs allow.
Some (certainly not all) men with AS/ASD present as being naive or even gullible at times. I know I have an instinct to assume people are being straight and honest with me, and I have to fight that instinct. We are all, once Dx'd, at heightened risk of both unfounded accusations followed by ignorant assumptions based on the Dx. I hope you will all take my advice and be wary about who you are alone with. It's not fair, and it's not "right," but it is wise.
