How do I convince my 8 year old sister to remain cute?

[zurb]

I am shocked! Autistic people are supposed to be more immature than NTs.

Who said they are 'supposed' to? That sounds like an NT perspective. One thing I didn't like about NTs when I was young was how immature they seemed. For example, I didn't like their pettiness about nothing and bullying. I didn't like their cliques or judgmental attitudes. I preferred to hang out with older people. I don't think that's uncommon.

 

[OkRad]

I think the original poster is trying to make a point. He is saying that his social workers are trying to make him mature by just talking to him, as if somehow , he will grow magic maturity sprouts because they, the stupidest of all in the mental health field (sorry, just my own experience and opinion), tell him to.

I don't think he has any real intention of forcing his family member to "stay cute." He is saying that, THAT is absurd as telling an autistic person stuck at ten or twelve or whatever age to, "Act Mature!" "Grow up!"

When I was in my twenties, I told a therapist (a PhD) that my goal was to mature. He stopped and asked what I was . I said 12. Which is where I am still. He got it.

Conversely, if I had a penny for everytime a social smoked in my face, ate lunch in front of me, hit on me, told me to grow up, act my age, quit reading so much, take responsibility for myself (as if I were too stupid to be trying that already), well, I 'd be rich.

I see what you are saying, Original Poster. I do get it. You are cheeky and your point is not lost on me. You just have a roundabout way of bringing your ideas to the forum.

Enjoy the forum and welcome.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I am shocked! Autistic people are supposed to be more immature than NTs. I'm also shocked that you have INFJ, which is similar to what I have, INTJ-T. Are you trying to bully me?

Nope, just saying my honest opinion.
And again, STOP STEREOTYPING AUTISTIC PEOPLE. You are shooting yourself in the foot.

 

[pax]

You don't. End story.

 

[Ylva]

Don't objectify her.

Eta: But DO flip your social workers off. They sound awful.

 

[Katherine Rawstron]

She's growing up, and what was appropriate when she was 3 isn't appropriate now she's 8. I know the feeling, children grow up so fast and you want to recapture your favourite moments from the past, but you can't. The past is the past and your sister has to develop and grow just as you do, even though the pace may be different. You want to be accepted as you are, so do try to accept your sister as she is and let her grow up naturally.

 

[ksheehan88]

Even at 8 children are becoming little individuals, developing into people in their own right. You keep pushing her with this subject, she will likely push you away.

My daughter is 8 and she hates being called a nickname her Dad gave her when she was smaller, so we stopped calling her it... Just because she's little does not mean she shouldn't have the right to decide whether she likes being something or not.

If she doesn't like being called "cutie", don't call her "cutie" just as you might not like being called something and would expect others to respect your wishes.

Some of your comments also come across quite uneducated... Being autie/aspie you would likely already know we are all different and individual, we don't all share the same behaviours and traits and thoughts, and those that we do share vary from person to person...
Insinuating someone is NT because they have a different opinion to you or says something you wouldn't, is downright rude and disrespectful - people on the spectrum already get enough of that kind of crap without having to have it flung at them from fellow auties/aspies.

I am giving you the benefit of doubt when responding here, because part of me feels you may be a bit of a troll... But another part feels as though this could be genuine and I want to help, not just for your sister, but also for you.

 

[Bellatrix]

You're either a troll, or a horribly bigoted person.

Can't he be both? I simply could not believe what I was reading when I came across this. Talk about being completely misguided and utterly clueless! Wow.

 

[Ephraim Becker]

Can't he be both? I simply could not believe what I was reading when I came across this. Talk about being completely misguided and utterly clueless! Wow.

I'm not surprised your name is Bellatrix. You're just as bad as Bellatrix Lestrange. Oh... Wait a second. You are Bellatrix Lestrange. It's you that's both a troll and a horribly bigoted person for ruthlessly killing muggles and trolling and being mean to me on this forum.

 

[pax]

Grow up Ephraim

 

[Bellatrix]

What?! I don't even know you. What are you talking about? I've never 'trolled' anyone here. You obviously have me confused with someone else.

 

[Ephraim Becker]

What?! I don't even know you. What are you talking about? I've never 'trolled' anyone here. You obviously have me confused with someone else.

Wasn't this following quote referring to me?

Can't he be both? I simply could not believe what I was reading when I came across this. Talk about being completely misguided and utterly clueless! Wow.

It really insults me.

 

[Aspie_rin]

Wasn't this following quote referring to me?

It really insults me.

I guess some of us are in disbelief that a (probably, but I don't know you) good person would ever want to control someone like that, so for them there is no way that you aren't either a troll or a biggot...

However, I believe I understand that you want your sister to remain the same because you're afraid that she will not like you anymore once she becomes more mature. Am I right about this? Is it also because you don't want things to change? I think that your need to control your sister comes from suffering and fear more than from selfishness, am I right about this?

 

[Bellatrix]

Ok, now I get it, you can't take criticism (you think it's 'trolling'). Well, get used to it, because your attitude towards others really sucks. You only care about yourself, don't heed the advice of others (ex: 'don't call me cutie'), and you're just plain rude, selfish and controlling.

 

[Bellatrix]

One other thing, and this is a perfect example of what I mean: autistic people are not "supposed to be more immature than NT's". Where did you get this bizarre idea from? We are NOT all the same, so stop assuming we are, and we don't like to be infantilised like this. It's extremely insulting and disrespectful.

 

[Ephraim Becker]

I guess some of us are in disbelief that a (probably, but I don't know you) good person would ever want to control someone like that, so for them there is no way that you aren't either a troll or a biggot...

However, I believe I understand that you want your sister to remain the same because you're afraid that she will not like you anymore once she becomes more mature. Am I right about this? Is it also because you don't want things to change? I think that your need to control your sister comes from suffering and fear more than from selfishness, am I right about this?

Yes, you're right

Ok, now I get it, you can't take criticism (you think it's 'trolling'). Well, get used to it, because your attitude towards others really sucks. You only care about yourself, don't heed the advice of others (ex: 'don't call me cutie'), and you're just plain rude, selfish and controlling.

You're basically saying to me to get used to people being mean to me. You're more and more making me think you to be like this:

If you think what I did was rude, what you did, Bellatrix, in this video is 1000x worse.

 

[tree]

Personal attacks on AC members are against forum policy.
General Rules & Guidelines

I am asking everyone to refrain from making direct comments
about individuals. It should be possible to discuss the topic
without anyone resorting to name calling. Thank you.

 

[Ephraim Becker]

Personal attacks on AC members are against forum policy.
General Rules & Guidelines

I am asking everyone to refrain from making direct comments
about individuals. It should be possible to discuss the topic
without anyone resorting to name calling. Thank you.

She made a personal attack on me.

 

[Bellatrix]

She made a personal attack on me.

Okay, I may have been too harsh with you, but when I first came across this thread it brought back some very unpleasant memories. Memories of being taken for granted, being bossed around, having my wishes ignored, being patronised, insulted, and generally treated like crap, and by people who had the very same attitude that you display here towards your younger sister. Maybe I was "triggered" as they say these days.

In any case, and as others have already pointed out here, you should NOT try to bully your sister like this. Yes, it is bullying, and I recognised it as such straight away. Many people who visit this site - in fact, I would bet MOST of the people who visit this site - have had their wishes and needs ignored by others who thought they knew better, who thought they knew what was "best for them". To be quite frank, I, and many others like me, have had enough of it and will simply not tolerate it anymore.

Final word: RESPECT your sister's wishes. She has a mind of her own, she can decide herself what she does, and does not, want to be called.

 

[Bellatrix]

Okay, I watched the clip. "Harry Potter" isn't it? Umm... I'm not an actor. Harry Potter is fiction. I don't get it, what's your point?