How do I convince my 8 year old sister to remain cute?

[Ephraim Becker]

Okay, I watched the clip. "Harry Potter" isn't it? Umm... I'm not an actor. Harry Potter is fiction. I don't get it, what's your point?

Your forum name is Bellatrix and the clip I attached in the post is a duel between Bellatrix Lestrange and Molly Weasly. I love making myself believe that Harry Potter is a true story and I thought it was a very interesting coincidence that this insulting quote:

Can't he be both? I simply could not believe what I was reading when I came across this. Talk about being completely misguided and utterly clueless! Wow.

was posted by someone that has the forum name as Bellatrix. So I pretended that you and the Bellatrix Lestrange in the clip is one and the same.

 

[Aspie_rin]

I don't think it's a good idea to antagonize each other like this, even though I understand where everyone is coming from. This is after all what turned this thread into a name calling war when it was meant to be a discussion about a problem.

I don't think Ephraim will ever get what he came for (a way of getting his sister to stay the same), but I think he's still in need of help. He seems to need reassuring and advice on how to keep the relationships he has even if people change, and on how to accept that some people will go away no matter what he does, because that's how life works.

Ephraim, you are way more likely to loose your sister's affection if you don't respect her wish to grow up. How do you feel when others try to turn you into someone you don't want to be? Do you really want to make her feel the same way?

 

[Ephraim Becker]

I don't like when people are mature. Every mature person I know treats me pretty much the same way as Bellatrix treated me.

 

[VioletHaze_03]

Is it possible that you're just sad she's growing up and you can't get past that?

 

[WildCat]

It was a harmless question, folks. No need to go at each other's throats here, nobody's trolling and there's nothing fishy going on here.

@Ephraim Becker - you can't convince her. People change, like it or not, and while she might be cute now, that's also going to change as well. Beautiful, maybe?

No offense here, but you also might want to work on your maturity while you're at it. It's necessary if you hope to make it out there in the big open world; no, it's not going to be easy, I can attest to that, but you still need to take steps toward managing it.

 

[Buzzerfly]

This thread has gone nuts!

Ephraim, I wonder what you meant by "cute" in the first place. You obviously wanted to articulate something (not pick a fight) with what you posted.

Girls in the world are allowed to be cute by their families and environment. But at some age, around your sister's we are prompted to begin "acting" mature and adult like. In fact, this prompting goes beyond encouragement...it is expected of you with a threat behind it. And older women will make fun of how you are not good at/silly at your adult imitations until you're a teenager. At that point, you can either completely devote yourself to an act of creepy "adult" behaviors or suck at it and be still made fun of (even if it's behind your back).

And what does the world expect an adult woman to act like? Apparently, you need to be really self-focused, smart about useless information, learn how to manipulate others with your emotions (instead of just feeling), be less affectionate, and act like you don't care about anything but relationships to name a few. Do those things have anything to do with adulthood? I think not.

Did us girls on the thread have to act like this at times in our lives? Yes. There's no need to be defensive about it. Couldn't we all benefit from the realization that the world demands we act fake? Maybe we could sometimes not do it, if we saw it was there.

But also, "acting cute" has its pitfalls. Have you ever seen the show Masha and the Bear? I liked it at first, but now I won't let my kids watch it anymore. It seems to use a very intriguing, snowy setting to sell to little girls that being cute is their only value. And it's okay that Masha always thinks about herself and treats the bear like her do-boy, because she's a cute sassy girl! Acting all of the time and not being what you are in any fashion is upsetting to someone that really saw you and loved you at some point.

 

[Ephraim Becker]

I think Cutie is starting to get cuter again!!!! She's now a 9 year old cutie!

 

[Ylva]

Or maybe you are adapting to her growing up. Anything can happen.

 

[Ephraim Becker]

Or maybe you are adapting to her growing up. Anything can happen.

I'm never going to get used to people growing up. I'm not in the mood of this "growing-up" thing to remain the norm. I want my immature behavior to become an okay thing. I feel that if I find a way for a lot of people to remain immature, people will stop saying these mean things to me:

Ephraim, you're sick. Seek help. NOW!

 

[Ylva]

Bad strategy. Immature people won't stop saying those mean things because that's an immature thing to say.

 

[Ephraim Becker]

Bad strategy. Immature people won't stop saying those mean things because that's an immature thing to say.

If saying mean comments is an immature thing to say, then why are the people that say them criticize me of my immaturity when their immature themselves?

 

[Ylva]

Because they are immature. It is not the paradox it sounds like. Emotionally mature people don't make mean comments. In fact, you can safely disregard the validity of the opinions/comments of people who do that.

 

[Ephraim Becker]

Because they are immature. It is not the paradox it sounds like. Emotionally mature people don't make mean comments. In fact, you can safely disregard the validity of the opinions/comments of people who do that.

My father makes mean comments to me. Some examples are:

• "You don't have any friends because you don't care about people!"
• "Don't get too comfortable in this house!"
• "Don't take things for granted!"

My father also makes annoying comments to me. Some examples are:

• "Lots of free time!!! Cool beans!!!"
• "Wow. Lots of free time today!"

Does this mean that my father is immature?


My Division Head in my camp last summer also made mean comments to me. Some examples are:

• "You think you are such a tough guy! Huh! Huh!"
• "I want you to tell me what you just said to that kid in your bunk! I don't want to hear any explanations from you!"

Does this mean that my Division Head in my camp last summer is immature?


The other campers in my camp the last few summers also made mean comments to me. Some examples are:

• "You are very annoying!"
• "You are a big piss-off!"
• "You are very creepy!"
• "Grow up!"

Does this mean that the other campers in my camp the last few summers is immature?

 

[Aspie_rin]

These people are acting really mean, and insults are definetly not the kind of thing that comes from truly mature people. If they're worried about you, offering to help you on certain things and trying to figure out why you don't seem to do much by having polite discussion would be much more mature than what you described. (By the way I sympathize with you, my mother always complains about me and tries to force me to do things ''for my own good''. Sigh.)

By the way, how would you define mature and immature?

 

[Ephraim Becker]

By the way, how would you define mature and immature?

I define mature as someone that expects someone to follow rules and is dead serious about everything. I define immature as someone that loves pranks, has humor, silly, etc.

 

[pax]

Why is this still going?

 

[Aspie_rin]

I define mature as someone that expects someone to follow rules and is dead serious about everything. I define immature as someone that loves pranks, has humor, silly, etc.

Ooh! Everything makes a lot more sense now! I'm pretty sure that if we all knew what you meant by these words there wouldn't have been that much outrage.

Well, good thing that she stopped being that way, being serious and following rules all the time seems boring, and trying to fit into a mold means that you can't be yourself.

To me maturity means acquiring independence, having a better knowledge of how the world works and how to adapt to it and having a sense of responsibilities, wich are all great things. I believe integrity is also part of maturity, so trying to fit into a mold would be immature. Expecting people to act a certain way and trying to make them do it is very immature too, with some exceptions, because the belief that you can control the way a person is (and that it's doing them good) doesn't align with reality.

 

[Ephraim Becker]

I'm working on being mature as of a few weeks ago. I'm ashamed of the creepiness and uncomfortable I did on this thread. My family and other people are noticing it and are happy about it. I've sent out apology letters to people in my school and camps. I'm less depressed now.

I think it's best if a moderator takes out the names.

 

[Isadoorian]

I'm working on being mature as of a few weeks ago. I'm ashamed of the creepiness and uncomfortable I did on this thread. My family and other people are noticing it and are happy about it. I've sent out apology letters to people in my school and camps. I'm less depressed now.

I think it's best if a moderator takes out the names.

You can PM a staff member about it and they'll be able to do it for you

 

[Matthias]

My father makes mean comments to me. Some examples are:

• "You don't have any friends because you don't care about people!"
• "Don't get too comfortable in this house!"
• "Don't take things for granted!"

Those aren't mean comments. The first is just expressing an opinion. The second one he's telling you he doesn't want you living in his house forever (which is perfectly reasonable). The third is sound advice.

My Division Head in my camp last summer also made mean comments to me. Some examples are:

• "You think you are such a tough guy! Huh! Huh!"
• "I want you to tell me what you just said to that kid in your bunk! I don't want to hear any explanations from you!"

Does this mean that my Division Head in my camp last summer is immature?

No. It means you misunderstood him. If you act like you're tough, people will point it out.

The other campers in my camp the last few summers also made mean comments to me. Some examples are:

• "You are very annoying!"
• "You are a big piss-off!"
• "You are very creepy!"
• "Grow up!"

Does this mean that the other campers in my camp the last few summers is immature?

No. They were helping you by letting you know how your actions were perceived by others. Nothing mean or wrong about it.