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How did you feel about yourself and other people when you were a child?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Matthias, Dec 2, 2021.

How did you feel when you were under 10 years old? Check all that apply.

  1. I felt loved by my family.

    9 vote(s)
    40.9%
  2. I felt like I belonged.

    1 vote(s)
    4.5%
  3. I felt accepted by my peers.

    2 vote(s)
    9.1%
  4. I felt like I was different from other people.

    19 vote(s)
    86.4%
  5. I felt like most people did not like me.

    11 vote(s)
    50.0%
  6. I felt unloved or unwanted.

    7 vote(s)
    31.8%
  7. I felt ignored or neglected.

    9 vote(s)
    40.9%
  8. I felt like something was wrong with me.

    14 vote(s)
    63.6%
  9. I felt like no one understood me.

    13 vote(s)
    59.1%
  10. I felt like other people did not respect me.

    11 vote(s)
    50.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

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    I'm curious how autism affected the way people here felt early in their life when they were less than 10 years old and if things are different now that you're older. The main questions I'm interested in are:

    Did you feel like other people liked you?
    Did you feel like you belonged?
    What did you think was a bigger problem - being disliked or feeling like you did not belong?
    Do you feel differently about the above questions now that you're older?
     
  2. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    People acted as if they liked me very much as they abused me. It was confusing.

    Also, I felt like an alien because my thoughts never lined up with how people behaved and what people said, like there was a significant gap between my perception and reality.

    Now that I'm older I understand the characteristics and behaviors that cause people to want to hurt you, and I'm able to adjust my behavior accordingly so that people generally like me. I hang out with a friend approximately once every three months.
     
  3. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    It is very difficult to tease out the difference between being disliked and not belonging. I learned that I didn't belong because the other kids disliked my behavior.
     
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  4. Shamar

    Shamar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I felt everything at and below "I felt like I was different from other people." I still feel this way (these ways?), only now I know why. Still hurts, though.
     
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  5. Nitro

    Nitro Admin/Immoral Turpitude Staff Member Admin V.I.P Member

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    When I was 10 or younger, I was too busy being a child to worry about what other people thought about me.
     
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  6. Gerald Wilgus

    Gerald Wilgus Well-Known Member

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    I could see that there seemed to be different expectations for me and other kids in school. Sometimes I cried myself to sleep because I wanted to be accepted. Also, I was in the hospital a bit, growing up in an unhealthy environment, so that also made me feel alienated from the rest of the kids.

    I think that this set the stage for a self hatred that continued through adolescence and young adulthood.
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2021
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  7. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    This doesn't really work as a balanced quiz as you have 7 somewhat negative statements and only 3 positive statements. So it's inevitably skewed towards negatives. If you are curious about the way autism affected people in their early lives you would need a more open field than this. The questions you quote in your post are different from those in the quiz, also.

    I'm hoping to be helpful and not negatively critical in pointing this out, and that we don't end up with misleading inferences due to an unbalanced design.
     
  8. Wulven

    Wulven Active Member

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    Different. But, in another world kinda way. Aside from school most things were okay.
     
  9. NB79

    NB79 Active Member

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    Even when i was barely getting first social stuff with other kids at a very early age, i thought bad about myself that i was not like other kids, expressive etc.

    In my own i don't know maybe 4 or 5 birthday, kids were playing with each other i didn't know what to do, i felt isolated, this created anguish in my own fricking birthday, and i retreated to my room, my mom came to me to say why i was not playing with the others and i said that i came to see and play with the presents. UGHH.
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2021
  10. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    About self ? - Not sure I felt any definitive way about myself, that I can remember.

    About others (outside my family) ? - confused.
    Specifically on starting school, definitely confused.
     
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  11. Nitro

    Nitro Admin/Immoral Turpitude Staff Member Admin V.I.P Member

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    I believe that all too often many are too quick to take the victim stance, so indeed, having a negative jumping off point will likely sway the opinions in that direction.
     
  12. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I think what @Gracey said is useful to reflect on, as she alludes to how the behaviours of others affected her. Many people who are untypical in varied ways are affected by the way others behave, and of not fitting in or being the same as others.

    I guess with autism specifically, we may have some communication differences such as different ways and speeds of processing environmental information, that may add additional confusion. Any issues or problems that develop have multiple causes therefore.
     
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  13. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    When I was a small child, I felt others liked me.
    I was thought of as a cute, blonde haired little girl that was quiet.

    No, I didn't feel I belonged except with parents. The world was just Out There.

    After age 5 the feeling of being disliked bothered me more than not belonging.
    I didn't like being made fun of or bullying by other kids.

    Things have changed since I am older.
    I am no longer liked for being a cute kid and I still don't feel I belong.
    At age 64, I don't really care if people like or dislike me that much.
    I don't like feeling I don't belong though as that makes me unable to feel the comfort of
    HOME.
     
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  14. FlowerFlo

    FlowerFlo Active Member V.I.P Member

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    I sometimes thought nobody understood me a. If i wanted to be alone i got very angry, which is a thing i am still struggling wiht. I do had good times like playing together with children i liked at that time and i had some really great friends,sadly i lost contact with all of them. I was a wild child and a quick learner.
     
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  15. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

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    I was the same way. I used to think people disliked me but now I think most people throughout my life neither liked nor disliked me but just preferred to be around people they could understand better and relate to.
     
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  16. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

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    I wasn't sure how to design the poll well. I started doing a more balanced poll but noticed most of the questions were opposites of each other (I felt loved. I felt unloved. I felt respected. I felt disrespected.) and was concerned less people would answer if I asked too many questions. I was curious whether people felt the same way I did when I was younger. I asked about childhood because how I felt changed somewhat after I became an adult.
     
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  17. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    I think it is unreasonable to expect a 5 or a 10 or even a 15-year-old to figure out why they are being rejected by others when most adults haven't figured it out either. It is the duty of parents and teachers and counselors to help them along the way. For me, it didn't happen. They didn't have a clue about high-functioning autism either. All they had were the lessons they learned when they were young.

    LOL!!! The adults were often as much of a problem as the kids were. I didn't meet a supportive adult (including my parents) until 6th grade. (Teacher still didn't have a clue about HFA, though. She was just nice to me.)

    It is equally as unreasonable to expect the peer group of a child to not behave as equally immature children. What happened when I was growing up was inevitable. Not my fault, not their fault, and trying to lay blame now as an adult just makes things worse.
     
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