I’m very hesitant to mention this problem because it always irritates everyone and turns people against me, but I am at the end of my rope
When I was a kid, I hardly ever interacted with other kids, because I just was not interested in things most of them were doing. By the time I got to junior high this turned into bullying, like getting books knocked out of my hands and then things like spitballs and being hit in the head in high school. I had a nervous breakdown over this when I was about 15 and psych thought I had OCD since I was doing a lot of hand washing to calm myself down. As a muscular and athletic guy, it wasn’t like I couldn’t fight bullies, it’s just that I found all this very confusing and didn’t know how to react.
The only kid I saw getting harassed as much as I did was this very strange black kid, who was obviously gay. He not only had the misfortune of being the only black kid in my school, but he was also very, very obviously gay and extremely effeminate.
So, despite all this, I get the highest ACT score in my graduating class and go off to college in the big city, which also resulted in a lot of freaking out and me acting badly toward my nice parents over this change.
So when I get to the city, I feel this natural affinity towards oppressed minorities and gravitate towards liberal people. My first girlfriends best friend is this very flamboyant black gay guy, and he seems determined to conquest me. But I keep fighting him off, and don’t take this seriously, because he is an oppressed victim like me. But then one time I get drunk at this party and this guy and his boyfriend sexually assault me. But then when this happens, the initial reactions are like I was cheating with my girlfriend with a gay couple, then my super gay advocate friend ignores this, then I get assigned gay, gay advocate at university counseling and he seems to ignore this. Then I go see liberal gay advocate female psychs and they keep asking questions about whether I am gay or have repressed feelings or whatever. I eventually hospitalize myself and still no interest that a sexual assault had occurred, but now I my brain is malformed or something and so on, so my self confidence is shot
But this is just the beginning of this stupidity. I get somewhat better and this Hispanic immigrant student keeps wanting to talk to me all the time at this security job I work at. Then he tells me his gay roommates have kicked him out and he needs a place to stay. I tell him that I want no more gay things because I suspect that he might be gay, but he tells me all about his story where as a kid in Nicaragua his older male cousin sexually assaulted or raped him and his mother caught one of these times and yelled at both of them, and that he is not gay but a victim of things like I am. So I feel sorry for him and we become roommates, but then he is in love with me and eliminates women I might be interested in and gets dubi and tries to get at me and so on
So, I eventually live by myself and try to figure out the history of the world as it relates to gay things, because this is what I do. And I accomplished this
So then after years of living alone and solving all these things from the past, I decide that I should trade very complex options on furiteres on mainly the S&P 500 and I move in with someone I knew from college who was a genius in different ways from me, having graduated with 2 degrees with close to a perfect grade average two years too quickly, so we could trade stocks. But then, he too has decided he was made gay by developing schizophrenia in his 20s. Then he commits suicide, making me homeless
Like I am now 8 years into trying to sell things online so I can trade stocks, but reality has left me with needing to move things and move things and move things and accusations for my hatred of gays and delusions and obsessions and my ex-gf is gone because trying to explain storage units sounds like dangerous homophobic hate and maybe my obsessions and why I might be a danger to her and might attack her and on and on and on. And still the underlying problems about why Inam like this, have still not even been even addressed 28 years after the start of all this because everything sounds like impossible excuses or homophobic hatred or evidence of my repressed homosexuality or evidence of my brain malfunctioning or as evidence of secret things that I am up to and on and on and on
It’s like I just most likely have some sort of high functioning autism, but with this crazy sensitive subject in the middle, things that should have been nothing to address when I was 21 (I am 48 now) have still never even been begun to being addressed
When I was a kid, I hardly ever interacted with other kids, because I just was not interested in things most of them were doing. By the time I got to junior high this turned into bullying, like getting books knocked out of my hands and then things like spitballs and being hit in the head in high school. I had a nervous breakdown over this when I was about 15 and psych thought I had OCD since I was doing a lot of hand washing to calm myself down. As a muscular and athletic guy, it wasn’t like I couldn’t fight bullies, it’s just that I found all this very confusing and didn’t know how to react.
The only kid I saw getting harassed as much as I did was this very strange black kid, who was obviously gay. He not only had the misfortune of being the only black kid in my school, but he was also very, very obviously gay and extremely effeminate.
So, despite all this, I get the highest ACT score in my graduating class and go off to college in the big city, which also resulted in a lot of freaking out and me acting badly toward my nice parents over this change.
So when I get to the city, I feel this natural affinity towards oppressed minorities and gravitate towards liberal people. My first girlfriends best friend is this very flamboyant black gay guy, and he seems determined to conquest me. But I keep fighting him off, and don’t take this seriously, because he is an oppressed victim like me. But then one time I get drunk at this party and this guy and his boyfriend sexually assault me. But then when this happens, the initial reactions are like I was cheating with my girlfriend with a gay couple, then my super gay advocate friend ignores this, then I get assigned gay, gay advocate at university counseling and he seems to ignore this. Then I go see liberal gay advocate female psychs and they keep asking questions about whether I am gay or have repressed feelings or whatever. I eventually hospitalize myself and still no interest that a sexual assault had occurred, but now I my brain is malformed or something and so on, so my self confidence is shot
But this is just the beginning of this stupidity. I get somewhat better and this Hispanic immigrant student keeps wanting to talk to me all the time at this security job I work at. Then he tells me his gay roommates have kicked him out and he needs a place to stay. I tell him that I want no more gay things because I suspect that he might be gay, but he tells me all about his story where as a kid in Nicaragua his older male cousin sexually assaulted or raped him and his mother caught one of these times and yelled at both of them, and that he is not gay but a victim of things like I am. So I feel sorry for him and we become roommates, but then he is in love with me and eliminates women I might be interested in and gets dubi and tries to get at me and so on
So, I eventually live by myself and try to figure out the history of the world as it relates to gay things, because this is what I do. And I accomplished this
So then after years of living alone and solving all these things from the past, I decide that I should trade very complex options on furiteres on mainly the S&P 500 and I move in with someone I knew from college who was a genius in different ways from me, having graduated with 2 degrees with close to a perfect grade average two years too quickly, so we could trade stocks. But then, he too has decided he was made gay by developing schizophrenia in his 20s. Then he commits suicide, making me homeless
Like I am now 8 years into trying to sell things online so I can trade stocks, but reality has left me with needing to move things and move things and move things and accusations for my hatred of gays and delusions and obsessions and my ex-gf is gone because trying to explain storage units sounds like dangerous homophobic hate and maybe my obsessions and why I might be a danger to her and might attack her and on and on and on. And still the underlying problems about why Inam like this, have still not even been even addressed 28 years after the start of all this because everything sounds like impossible excuses or homophobic hatred or evidence of my repressed homosexuality or evidence of my brain malfunctioning or as evidence of secret things that I am up to and on and on and on
It’s like I just most likely have some sort of high functioning autism, but with this crazy sensitive subject in the middle, things that should have been nothing to address when I was 21 (I am 48 now) have still never even been begun to being addressed