Hiding behind the smile

[TSS]

There is this man at work that will walk by my desk and tells me to smile. I guess I look serious or blank a lot.

 

[Judge]

You'd never see a woman go up to a man and tell him to smile.

Quite to the contrary, it's happened to me several times.

 

[Shawn D]

Well, color me corrected [emoji14]

 

[tree]

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I try to compensate for my lack of social skills by trying to be extra nice and smiley. My husband points out that I come across as disingenuous and "fake". Guess acting isn't in my future [emoji13]

I think you have a pretty smile in your picture.

 

[Shawn D]

I think you have a pretty smile in your picture.

Why, thank you [emoji2]

 

[Judge]

Well, color me corrected [emoji14]

Any particular preference on color ? Sharpie or Crayon ?

 

[watersprite]

Moving right along.....
I was getting something today at the store and they asked as, they are wont to do, "how are you today?" I answered, as I am wont to do, with utter sincerity, "eh, I am not that great." They said, "but you are smiling." I said, "yes I am it is my automatic fake smile." The woman was pretty cool and said she did that all the time too.

 

[Shawn D]

Any particular preference on color ? Sharpie or Crayon ?

What color is humble pie? [emoji13] Sharpie. It's more permanent.

 

[Naturalist]

Penguin,

Often my faces don't match up with my feelings. I can certainly relate to UmbrellaBeach who commented that people were always saying "cheer up", I recall that a lot in my childhood. That felt invasive to me and I realized that not smiling drew attention, so I learned to smile quickly whenever I saw someone, as a way of greeting. But when I feel very threatened by someone's presence I find myself not smiling but GRINNING, which sends the wrong impression and makes the people hang around me more. I wish I could fix that habit. But my boss reminded me that in many other primates as well as other mammals, grinning is not a friendly gesture but a defensive one, baring one's teeth. Maybe that is why it surfaces when I feel threatened.

I really like Tree's poem, it absolutely communicates the way I feel about "the smile". It feels very false and makes me upset inside, but on some level I suppose my younger self decided the deflective potential of smiling was better than the attention I got when I didn't smile. That said I often find people asking if I am angry when I am really just thinking, somehow scowling became my "thinking" face. Learning mindfulness now so I am trying to consciously convey what I really feel, especially avoiding the compulsion to smile. My face is hyper-expressive even when I have no emotions to convey, maybe it's a tic of some sort. Modulating that expressiveness does take a lot of effort, don't know if I will ever get very good at it.

 

[tachyon]

Does anybody else hate it when someone taking a photograph calls out 'SMILE'?
I feel totally unnatural smiling on-demand & have to force it. If I see the photo afterwards I think my smile looks fake

 

[watersprite]

Does anybody else hate it when someone taking a photograph calls out 'SMILE'?
I feel totally unnatural smiling on-demand & have to force it. If I see the photo afterwards I think my smile looks fake

I no longer allow my picture taken. When I was young I simply spun around and faced the other way as soon as they'd call 'smile'. Annoyed the heck out of people, but it's what I did.

 

[tree]

How to identify a fake smile? | Leading Personality
Can You Spot a Fake Smile in a Photograph?
Offered with a two-fold intent.
A. To distinguish between fake and real smile
B. For Personal use, if applicable

 

[GhostWriter]

I don't put on a fake smile for anyone and find it incredibly difficult to do so. I usually carry sort of a neutral expression, looks as if I'm bordering on fed up even though I'm not, and it can and does change rapidly. It gives off a certain vibe, one that says, "you probably shouldn't approach me" when in reality I'm not THAT misanthropic!

I used to do that until I realized how phoney it was. Just like people greeting you by saying, 'How are you?'- they don't really care, it's just considered good manners to say that. My sister felt the same way- it made us angry- so she would reply 'Functioning Normally, thank you!'

 

[GhostWriter]

All phoney behavior really annoys me, especially those things that are done or said because they are considered to be 'polite' or 'good manners'. In high school I used to try to fit in by mimicking the behavior of my peers ( the In Crowd) but all it ever got me was a feeling of duplicity- I was completely ignored by those kids & spent those 4 years alone & miserable! Even 50 years later the way I was 'shunned' still rankles.
I still despise phoney behavior & distrust anyone who displays it!