• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Hi, I’m New Here.

Choosekindness

Active Member
Hi everyone, I knew I was different, and life never made sense. I knew I was on the spectrum quite some time ago. Being married to an abusive spouse, I was deterred from getting diagnosed. It’s been a difficult journey to get diagnosed, and no one cares. One of the hardest pills to swallow was that everyone in my family, anyone who met me, could tell I was different. And instead of being kind, they all took advantage of me and teamed up and gaslighted me. They were making it like it was me. Then now, after weeks on Quora and reading more about ASD and how we get treated. I came to realize it was never me. I am crying as I share this. My entire life, sometimes daily, I get hurt by people I trust—the constant bullying. The blame is shifting. And, of course, I believed them all; I tried and tried and could never change. And could never understand what I kept doing wrong. NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING. I did nothing wrong. They took advantage of me. They knew more about me than I knew of myself.
Sorry I really needed to vent. And thank you for reading.
 
I'm so sorry for all you've been through. Your spouse and family are awful for putting you through that and abusing you. I hope you'll be able to find solace here. People here are kind and understanding so feel free to vent any time you need to! Make any threads you need if you need to vent again.

Or if you don't want to make your own thread I could also suggest making a post in the Muttering thread or the Ranting thread.

I do hope you're able to find some comfort in being here and I hope you'll feel welcome here.
 
welcome to af.png
 
Hi and welcome. You'll find friends here, people that understand because they've been through the same things.
 
@Choosekindness, I second that with @Outdated.

Human behavior can really be destructive when it comes to interacting with anyone that is perceived, consciously or unconsciously, as "different". At the very least, you will be passively marginalized, softly pushed out to the periphery, often left without a support system of friends and family. After spending some time on here, reading some of our member's posts, I get the sense that what you are experiencing happens quite a bit. It seems many of us have some similar story.

Not everyone is in a position in their life to escape it, though, which really makes things rough. However, if you can, I highly recommend it. Life is way too short to be constantly dealing with the toxic personality traits of your inner circle. Sure, there's a bit of guilt, but then, after a short while, it is like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. There are the pros and cons. Often, the trade-off is loneliness and isolation, if you are able to deal with it, as opposed to be dreading repeated interactions with an inner circle of people that, at the very least, will never understand what you are going through, will never have any empathy, and have created an unfair and inaccurate "moral diagnosis" of you. That's a choice you have to make.

Most of us go through this transition in our lives where when we are young, we want to be "just like everyone else", to fit in, to be liked, to be loved. When we realize after many failed attempts, it probably isn't going to work out, we go through a phase of hopelessness and depression. Later, acceptance and a realization that "I DON'T want to be like everyone else." because the world is a pretty messed up place because of how humans treat each other. You realize there is a better world for you if you just start being independent, rise yourself above it, and ignore the chaos, toxicity, and pain in this world. You sort of take on this "visiting, observing alien" persona, where you may physically look like everyone else, but you're sort of an imposter, doing your own thing and screw everyone else because all they are going to do is give you a headache if you let them into your world.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. ;)

Autism: from the Greek word "auto" or "self". Pretty fitting. I think many of us would be much happier if we just took care of our "self" by stop fighting our natural inclination to want to be our own person. Stop worrying about what others are thinking and doing. It's not you, and be grateful for it. I am.
 
Last edited:
Hello and welcome. It sounds like you’re in a tough spot right now. I hope we can support you.

I LOVE your username. I wholeheartedly agree, and try to make that choice whenever possible.
 
@Choosekindness, I second that with @Outdated.

Human behavior can really be destructive when it comes to interacting with anyone that is perceived, consciously or unconsciously, as "different". At the very least, you will be passively marginalized, softly pushed out to the periphery, often left without a support system of friends and family. After spending some time on here, reading some of our member's posts, I get the sense that what you are experiencing happens quite a bit. It seems many of us have some similar story.

Not everyone is in a position in their life to escape it, though, which really makes things rough. However, if you can, I highly recommend it. Life is way too short to be constantly dealing with the toxic personality traits of your inner circle. Sure, there's a bit of guilt, but then, after a short while, it is like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. There are the pros and cons. Often, the trade-off is loneliness and isolation, if you are able to deal with it, as opposed to be dreading repeated interactions with an inner circle of people that are, at the very least, will never understand what you are going through, will never have any empathy, and have created an unfair and inaccurate "moral diagnosis" of you. That's a choice you have to make.

Most of us go through this transition in our lives where when we are young, we want to be "just like everyone else", to fit in, to be liked, to be loved. When we realize after many failed attempts, it probably isn't going to work out, we go through a phase of hopelessness and depression. Later, acceptance and a realization that "I DON'T want to be like everyone else." because the world is a pretty messed up place because of how humans treat each other. You realize there is a better world for you if you just start being independent, rise yourself above it, and ignore the chaos, toxicity, and pain in this world. You sort of take on this "visiting, observing alien" persona, where you may physically look like everyone else, but you're sort of an imposter, doing your own thing and screw everyone else because all they are going to do is give you a headache if you let them into your world.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. ;)

Autism: from the Greek word "auto" or "self". Pretty fitting. I think many of us would be much happier if we just took care of our "self" by stop fighting our natural inclination to want to be our own person. Stop worrying about what others are thinking and doing. It's not you, and be grateful for it. I am.
Thank you for responding! I appreciate everyone on here already. It has been a lonely existence. I've taken steps to start a new life after 25 years of marriage to a covert narcissist. I've lost everything, including most of my kids. I was naive and never saw the abuse the way it was; as long as I was told whatever it was, I trusted and believed. It's been a lonely and sad space, and no one understands. Even my therapist doesn't believe me. But that's the truth. Why would I lie to make my life harder? The frustration, as though I woke up one day finally realizing who I am and the world around me excluded me for good.
 
Thank you for responding! I appreciate everyone on here already. It has been a lonely existence. I've taken steps to start a new life after 25 years of marriage to a covert narcissist. I've lost everything, including most of my kids. I was naive and never saw the abuse the way it was; as long as I was told whatever it was, I trusted and believed. It's been a lonely and sad space, and no one understands. Even my therapist doesn't believe me. But that's the truth. Why would I lie to make my life harder? The frustration, as though I woke up one day finally realizing who I am and the world around me excluded me for good.
I was not diagnosed until 52. A fair amount of us were diagnosed late, with life stories that would just drop you to your knees. Like you, when that epiphany happens, we MUST look at the world through a totally different lens. There are times when I can be quite giving with my time, knowledge, patience, and general good will. There are other times when the people you are interacting with are nothing more than an obstacle emotionally, intellectually, or physically. You will learn to gain some "thicker skin" and realize that more people than not would rather see you fail than to succeed, will discourage you, will see you as "stupid", will put up roadblocks every step of the journey. Their insistence upon "sameness" is their downfall, as they don't see value in things that are "different" because they love the safety, security, and predictability of sameness. You are a threat at a subconscious level. Like I suggested, once you realize what is going on, you can anticipate to some extent, prepare for the worst, hope for the best, rise above them as they are nothing more than "boat anchors" in your life.
 
Hello and welcome. It sounds like you’re in a tough spot right now. I hope we can support you.

I LOVE your username. I wholeheartedly agree, and try to make that choice whenever possible.

I was not diagnosed until 52. A fair amount of us were diagnosed late, with life stories that would just drop you to your knees. Like you, when that epiphany happens, we MUST look at the world through a totally different lens. There are times when I can be quite giving with my time, knowledge, patience, and general good will. There are other times when the people you are interacting with are nothing more than an obstacle emotionally, intellectually, or physically. You will learn to gain some "thicker skin" and realize that more people than not would rather see you fail than to succeed, will discourage you, will see you as "stupid", will put up roadblocks every step of the journey. Their insistence upon "sameness" is their downfall, as they don't see value in things that are "different" because they love the safety, security, and predictability of sameness. You are a threat at a subconscious level. Like I suggested, once you realize what is going on, you can anticipate to some extent, prepare for the worst, hope for the best, rise above them as they are nothing more than "boat anchors" in your life.
The "thicker skin" is a correct and lonely space I've been in. It's a mask I wear until I get into my car or home, then the tears come. Crying myself to sleep is a new thing. I'm hoping this stage will leave soon.
 
The "thicker skin" is a correct and lonely space I've been in. It's a mask I wear until I get into my car or home, then the tears come. Crying myself to sleep is a new thing. I'm hoping this stage will leave soon.
One thing about the discovery of being on the spectrum: it can tell you a great deal about your uniqueness and strengths, because when you discover who you really are, you begin to discover what you can really do, and the difference you can actually make.

The way we are treated by others can be the lowest point of our lives. Marginalized, abused, victimized and belittled, even by those we care about and who should care about us. But the things it is possible for us to bring to the world, that only we could, is a more truthful measure of who we really are.
 
The "thicker skin" is a correct and lonely space I've been in. It's a mask I wear until I get into my car or home, then the tears come. Crying myself to sleep is a new thing. I'm hoping this stage will leave soon.
Well, I hope you are not crying because you, somehow, miss the people around you that have caused you pain. I can understand feeling lonely. Sometimes we just need new people in our lives, people that are accepting and can understand you. I know there is this weird thing where the biological family is, in some people's minds, is a sacred bond that cannot be broken and we must accept them. My typical response to that is that if they are not accepting of you, "I love you, but,...", repeatedly, day in-day out, then they really don't love you. It's a death from a thousand cuts. They don't love you, frankly, they don't like you, as they've demonstrated they are not even accepting of you as a person. At best, they are tolerating you because you're family. Who needs that? Get some new people. Life is too short to be unhappy. Be yourself, rise above them, and stop letting people knock you down.

Someone once said, "We can't choose our family, but we can choose our friends." This is true, but we can also choose our friends over our family if family is a source of pain. Even if we are alone, this is still better than dealing with a toxic family.
 

New Threads

Top Bottom