@Choosekindness, I second that with
@Outdated.
Human behavior can really be destructive when it comes to interacting with anyone that is perceived, consciously or unconsciously, as "different". At the very least, you will be passively marginalized, softly pushed out to the periphery, often left without a support system of friends and family. After spending some time on here, reading some of our member's posts, I get the sense that what you are experiencing happens quite a bit. It seems many of us have some similar story.
Not everyone is in a position in their life to escape it, though, which really makes things rough. However, if you can, I highly recommend it. Life is way too short to be constantly dealing with the toxic personality traits of your inner circle. Sure, there's a bit of guilt, but then, after a short while, it is like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. There are the pros and cons. Often, the trade-off is loneliness and isolation, if you are able to deal with it, as opposed to be dreading repeated interactions with an inner circle of people that are, at the very least, will never understand what you are going through, will never have any empathy, and have created an unfair and inaccurate "moral diagnosis" of you. That's a choice you have to make.
Most of us go through this transition in our lives where when we are young, we want to be "just like everyone else", to fit in, to be liked, to be loved. When we realize after many failed attempts, it probably isn't going to work out, we go through a phase of hopelessness and depression. Later, acceptance and a realization that "I DON'T want to be like everyone else." because the world is a pretty messed up place because of how humans treat each other. You realize there is a better world for you if you just start being independent, rise yourself above it, and ignore the chaos, toxicity, and pain in this world. You sort of take on this "visiting, observing alien" persona, where you may physically look like everyone else, but you're sort of an imposter, doing your own thing and screw everyone else because all they are going to do is give you a headache if you let them into your world.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Autism: from the Greek word "auto" or "self". Pretty fitting. I think many of us would be much happier if we just took care of our "self" by stop fighting our natural inclination to want to be our own person. Stop worrying about what others are thinking and doing. It's not you, and be grateful for it. I am.