Stella Nordica
Well-Known Member
I registered, I think, last weekend, had troubles with the confirmation email, retried it a couple of times until it finally worked. Since then, I have been reading and exploring, trying to figure out where I am now and whether or not I would feel comfy here. But I guess you never you until you try.
So here’s some hard facts about me:
I’m 45, not (yet) diagnosed but interested in the Autism sprectrum since I was a teenager. Long story, let’s just say I only knew the more severe cases with several side diagnoses, so I never fully related myself to it.
About a year ago, I was recommended videos on youtube about Autism, Apergers and a lot more. My resting interest grew, I watched them with interest but still couldn’t relate that much to it.
However, I’ve been dealing with this “alien” feeling all my life, had some very typical symptoms and traits as a child (some were treated by ergo, others ignored or put aside because back in the 1970s/1980s everyone might have connected them to a severe illness I had as a baby), some still remain.
And I’ve always had a hard time keeping a job for a longer time, no matter what I did.
During lockdown, I realised that, contrary to almost everyone around me, I truly enjoyed working from home and being on my own all day without seeing anyone. In some ways, it was almost a relief. Finally I could be myself without restraint.
Last year, I had the holidays of my life time, and that finally gave me the needed ego boost in interaction with my team manager. It also enabled me dive back into one of my oldest special interests. I came back and was changed. I was finally feeling fulfilled, myself, and could go on a bit better.
However, a few smaller things happened in the last few months, and at one point I was reminded that I knew someone in the managing are of a local group for Autistic people. I asked her for a confidential talk and quite bluntly blurted out the question if they could see me on the spectrum.
The answer was neither a “100 per cent YES, of course you are” nor a laugh in the lines of “how silly, how did you come to this conclusion, of course you’re NOT” but rather a “there’s a good chance you are, though I would say that you’re quite high functioning”. They have no idea how much of that is masking!
I’ve forgotten which online test it was but it was one where they say that you’re probably on the spectrum if you scored 32 points or above. I scored 35.
I am not yet sure where I journey will lead me, whether or not I would want the official diagnosis. So far, I am willing to learn what it means, some strategies to cope with everyday situations and get to know others who feel similar.
However, in the last few weeks and months, I have discovered that I quite like the label “Autist” and that I can relate to the autistic world more than to the NT’s world. So I hope you’ll still accept me in your ranks and files.
Looking forward to getting to know you!
PS: Sorry for the rant! Sometimes, I simply can't stop myself and get quite wordy!
So here’s some hard facts about me:
I’m 45, not (yet) diagnosed but interested in the Autism sprectrum since I was a teenager. Long story, let’s just say I only knew the more severe cases with several side diagnoses, so I never fully related myself to it.
About a year ago, I was recommended videos on youtube about Autism, Apergers and a lot more. My resting interest grew, I watched them with interest but still couldn’t relate that much to it.
However, I’ve been dealing with this “alien” feeling all my life, had some very typical symptoms and traits as a child (some were treated by ergo, others ignored or put aside because back in the 1970s/1980s everyone might have connected them to a severe illness I had as a baby), some still remain.
And I’ve always had a hard time keeping a job for a longer time, no matter what I did.
During lockdown, I realised that, contrary to almost everyone around me, I truly enjoyed working from home and being on my own all day without seeing anyone. In some ways, it was almost a relief. Finally I could be myself without restraint.
Last year, I had the holidays of my life time, and that finally gave me the needed ego boost in interaction with my team manager. It also enabled me dive back into one of my oldest special interests. I came back and was changed. I was finally feeling fulfilled, myself, and could go on a bit better.
However, a few smaller things happened in the last few months, and at one point I was reminded that I knew someone in the managing are of a local group for Autistic people. I asked her for a confidential talk and quite bluntly blurted out the question if they could see me on the spectrum.
The answer was neither a “100 per cent YES, of course you are” nor a laugh in the lines of “how silly, how did you come to this conclusion, of course you’re NOT” but rather a “there’s a good chance you are, though I would say that you’re quite high functioning”. They have no idea how much of that is masking!
I’ve forgotten which online test it was but it was one where they say that you’re probably on the spectrum if you scored 32 points or above. I scored 35.
I am not yet sure where I journey will lead me, whether or not I would want the official diagnosis. So far, I am willing to learn what it means, some strategies to cope with everyday situations and get to know others who feel similar.
However, in the last few weeks and months, I have discovered that I quite like the label “Autist” and that I can relate to the autistic world more than to the NT’s world. So I hope you’ll still accept me in your ranks and files.
Looking forward to getting to know you!
PS: Sorry for the rant! Sometimes, I simply can't stop myself and get quite wordy!