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Hello

Lola_Daydream

Lola_Daydream

Active Member
Hi, I am new here and I am hoping to meet some people who are more like me, maybe make some friends. Also to learn about Aspergers more.
I am 35, female, from Ohio. My interests are writing, photography, and esotericism. Music helps me cope with life more then anything else.
I am not sure I have Aspergers, I have taken the AQ test and I scored a 39, which indicates I might because the score for aspergers was 32 and above.
I have been diagnosed as major depression, bipolar, schizoaffective, to date. Seen many doctors, been on many different medications. So I am very skeptical now of everything, because my treatment has been a nightmare in the past.
My husband who wants to be able to communicate better with me and help me when I have meltdowns did research and he came up with the idea of me having aspergers, I am prone to believing him more than a doctor I see once a month because he lives with me day in and day out for six years and he I feel would be a better judge.
He took me to a therapist in another city because all of the therapists in my area do not deal with aspergers at all, and this therapist asked me questions and said that he also too believed I have aspergers. I have only seen this guy three times now.
Anyhow, I am sorry I rambled on about all that, I guess I just wanted to clue everyone in about me incase you write or reply or what not.
I am currently going through a very hard time in my life, I have lost two close friends, my grandmother passed away, my grandpa is getting closer to death, and my father has been in the hospital with a stroke. I am very lonely, with the exception of my amazing husband.I just feel like I put to much on him, with all of my emotional needs since I have no one else friend wise.
I have struggled my whole life with social situations. Everyone just said it was because I was an only child, and moved around a lot. I thought that myself for the longest time. However looking back now I see how different I was from other kids, I played with barbies til I was seventeen, and pretended to be someone else like a rock star with my headphones all the time. My father always just said that I was stuck in la la Linda land. Honest words his words. But now I wonder, I thought what I did was just coping, but now I wonder if it meant more.
I also apologize in advance if I offend anyone on here I don't mean to at all, I am just confused and I don't know if or what I am.
 
Hi Lola, welcome to AC.

Sorry to hear of the difficulties you're having right now, hopefully with the support of a loving partner you will find the resources you need.

Here you will encounter aspies from all parts of the spectrum, so one would hope that some of your questions can be answered regarding your own diagnosis. I look forward to seeing you on the threads, enjoy your stay.

Oh, I'm the loony one, also into esoteric mysteries ;)
 
Harrison54 said:
Hi Lola, welcome to AC.

Sorry to hear of the difficulties you're having right now, hopefully with the support of a loving partner you will find the resources you need.

Here you will encounter aspies from all parts of the spectrum, so one would hope that some of your questions can be answered regarding your own diagnosis. I look forward to seeing you on the threads, enjoy your stay.

Oh, I'm the loony one, also into esoteric mysteries ;)
Click to expand...


Oh yeah? Awesome:) What particular subjects do you study in esotericism? I always enjoy a good conversation about that.

I don't know a lot about the spectrum and all that yet. Still learning got a few books to read in the mail. I had never considered this until two weeks ago. Before I just thought depression, anxiety. However my husband is a smart cookie, he is very intelligent, high IQ, runs two businesses from home, lives with me 24/7. So I believe him if he perceives aspergers in me over doctors, to many different diagnoses each Dr I see says something different.

Anyhow, I enjoy studying Enochian, Kabbalah, astral projection, shamanism, ceremonial magick, seering, Gnosticism, mysticism, Golden Dawn. Etc.
 
Lola_Daydream said:
Oh yeah? Awesome:) What particular subjects do you study in esotericism? I always enjoy a good conversation about that.

I don't know a lot about the spectrum and all that yet. Still learning got a few books to read in the mail. I had never considered this until two weeks ago. Before I just thought depression, anxiety. However my husband is a smart cookie, he is very intelligent, high IQ, runs two businesses from home, lives with me 24/7. So I believe him if he perceives aspergers in me over doctors, to many different diagnoses each Dr I see says something different.

Anyhow, I enjoy studying Enochian, Kabbalah, astral projection, shamanism, ceremonial magick, seering, Gnosticism, mysticism, Golden Dawn. Etc.
Click to expand...

I'm half Tibetan half Scottish and been on the planet 61 years, so have travelled the paths you have listed at some point. Generally pm any talks on them as some people can get twitchy if they are discussed openly ;)
 
Well I bet there is a vast world of knowledge then up in that noggin of yours;) Very intriguing. Yeah I make people twitch here when I go on about it, most people find it interesting and will discuss for a short while but then at some point I lose them and they start looking for the door lol. Because I can just go on and on down the rabbit hole with it. I think when I start in with communicating with your higher self aka HGA, or rituals I think I think that is when they look for escape routes.lol
 
Hi Lola! Welcome to AC. No need to apologize. We all sometimes say something off-colour: happens to the best of us. It is always nice seeing newbies join in & begin posting actively as it keeps the forums interesting. Glad you found us!
 
Thanks Vanilla....I will check those out.
I have sense looked up aspects and traits in females with aspergers. I do have quite a few of them but not all of them.
So it is still kind of confusing.
 
Hi soup. Nice to meet you too. I just apologize anymore in advance to everyone, because I always end up doing or saying something stupid.I annoy people with my "I'm sorry," and my "Are you mad at me?"
Lol...so expect me to annoy you occasionally with that. I don't mean to, I just use it as a way to gage how someone is feeling about me in conversation, I guess. To make sure I am not screwing up, because I don't know if I am.
 
Lola_Daydream said:
Thanks Vanilla....I will check those out.
I have sense looked up aspects and traits in females with aspergers. I do have quite a few of them but not all of them.
So it is still kind of confusing.
Click to expand...
That's fair enough. The traits are typical of females, but does not necessarily mean you will have all of them. Everyone with AS is different, so it's more of a guide, than anything else :)
 
Yeah I read that it said that you will not have all of them.
I do think I have enough of them though to qualify.
It has just been rough this past week because I have done some intense self examination of my past, childhood, and my behaviours trying to diagnosis myself here.
I introspection a lot, but not to this extent because honestly I hate looking inwards at myself. Because I hate what I see...it makes me feel like shutting down. Yet I kind of have to go within and work this out if I want things to change for the better. So it is really uncomfortable toped off with my obsessive impulse. I feel honestly like shutting down today...I don't feel well at all.
I think I am trying to hard to understand something so big so fast.
 
What Vanilla says about Aspies is very true. We are all quite unique, despite sharing many of the same traits. We have a few members here who are very sociable; others are hermits. Many people here have meltdowns they can be quite spectacular. I have no idea what that is like: I have shut-downs, where I just shut off like a robot with the batteries out.

You may discover that you have some of the traits, some of the time, depending upon the circumstances. Other Aspie traits might be core traits you find are true for you at all times. I am hypersensitive to fabrics, prints, textures & patterns at all times. Just seeing certain patterns can make me want to flee or trigger a headache or nausea. Textures that only bother some people when they touch them, have the same effect on me if I even look at a picture of them! Noises are another one of my big issues. Some Aspies are only bothered by a very narrow range of noises & those are similar to the ones that irritate most NTs. I am hypersensitive to a variety of sounds many others find innocuous.

I am fortunate in that I can structure my life & routine to minimize my exposure to such stimuli. Others who can't get more exposure to conditions that are hostile to them & they, as a consequence, experience significant levels of anxiety & often depression. So much about HOW our traits become 'symptoms' involves our life circumstances. That is why I think it is so important for Aspie parents (& NT parents with Aspie kids) to know their traits & triggers intimately & help them to direct their life & career goals into compatible fields. Many Aspies thrive, not just 'function', when they are matched with the correct circumstances.
 
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