Hello Elephant: Imposter Syndrome

[Darkkin]

Hello good forum folk:

As the title suggests. An elephant a lot of us, myself included, suffer from.

Impostor syndrome, also known as impostor phenomenon or impostorism, is a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.

Praise or acknowledgement of any kind makes me wish the floor would open up and swallow me whole. Dealing with a compliment or positive feedback is one of those situations I truly don't know how to deal with.

I'm good at diversionary tactics...Let's face it, it is almost too easy to get others to start talking about themselves. This is just normal human nature. It is a topic a lot of people are comfortable with and have no trouble maintaining a steady, albeit one-sided, conversation about. Thusly, allowing the wall to reabsorb me. I hate being 'seen'. It feels almost like a violation of my shell. I don't like people knowing what I can do. It is a vulnerability that can easily be weaponised in the wrong hands.

Online rating systems, those are a bit more buffered than someone saying: 'Hey, nice job.' Fourth wall partitioning, if that makes any sense. I'm thinking this is a side effect of being hyper-independent from a very early age. You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but any positive reinforcement feels like it is meant for someone else. For me, with my writing, logically I know it's articulate, highly unique, and utterly inimitable. It is almost universally well received. Even being able to objectively state this, there is a dissonance present that says, 'No way. There has to be some sort of mistake. I don't do things, can't do things that have merit.'

Yet my projects exist...it is a Catch-22. No one on the planet is more hyper-critical of my work and self than I am, thusly, it can't get any worse, so I don't worry about posting or submitting work. What's the worst that can happen? Rejection. Eh! I'm already there.

As such, I was curious what strategies you guys find helpful in dealing with Impostor Syndrome.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I find this phenomenon quite interesting. On one hand, we often find ourselves insecure, unsure, low self esteem, etc. and on the other hand, when someone tries to pull us up, give us compliments, positive feedback, etc. we don't seem to know how to process it.

I had this situation very recently where my manager and supervisor both seemed to be "massaging my ego" with compliments. It really felt weird, like really uncomfortable. Every time that happens, it's really an awkward situation to be in. I know my response should be that of gratitude and it should make me feel good about myself that others recognize what a good job I do for them, but I really don't know how to respond appropriately in the moment, and I don't know if the other person is feeling weird about my lack of appropriate response or not.

Yeah, I get what you're saying. I have never been able to appropriately process compliments.

 

[Outdated]

Praise or acknowledgement of any kind makes me wish the floor would open up and swallow me whole. Dealing with a compliment or positive feedback is one of those situations I truly don't know how to deal with.

I can relate to this part. Praise for where I have demonstrated skill and talent I'm fine with, in fact I kind of expect it, I have a healthy ego. But when people praise my character it's cringeworthy, I feel embarrassed and ashamed. It's even worse when they do it in public. I have no idea how to respond to that.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I have a track record. Retired now, never doubted myself.

 

[AprilR]

In my case, i don't feel "seen" when others praise me. It rather seems like they are missing a vital piece of information about me, like they can't see how much i don't know about the world and can't understand instinctually. Like any moment, a mishap will happen and people will get angry to ask "how can someone smart like you doesn't know this?"

 

[Darkkin]

The 'How can you not know this' dissonance bubble I cannot get around. It is why I hate anyone knowing what I can do. The work and the creator in parallel dimensions. It is a quantum pocket I can open at will and disappear into because I don't belong in the same dimension as my work. People aren't supposed to SEE me.

 

[Rodafina]

I understand the feelings of not knowing how to respond, but for those of you who are talking about receiving praise, is it uncomfortable not knowing how to react, or is it uncomfortable receiving the praise? Would you truly prefer to be unnoticed?

I wrestle with this myself, so I am just thinking out loud here. My thoughts and questions aren’t directed at anyone, and really they are just selfishly shared in the pursuit of understanding my own feelings.

Being truly unseen can lead to isolation and loneliness, whereas healthy solitude can be maintained when we have some connection to the world. I mean, we are all here on a social forum, right? Especially for artists/writers/creators, in lieu of speaking or following the route of traditional friendships, sharing our craft is a way of communicating with the world. Once it is shared though, it is both for you and for the world, because it may affect someone, touch them, move them.

I’ve gone and confused myself here, so I have nowhere further to go with my comment .

Good topic though. The comments here resonate with me strongly.

 

[330]

I have a very hard time knowing if someone is sincere or not when they compliment me on something I have showed them . How does one know the difference if it just being nice or they truly enjoy it?

This makes my extremely shy to show my musical art . Not sharing is better compared to rejection of showing my musical feelings.

I have no answer and cannot help with this .

 

[Duncan74]

I understand the feelings of not knowing how to respond, but for those of you who are talking about receiving praise, is it uncomfortable not knowing how to react, or is it uncomfortable receiving the praise? Would you truly prefer to be unnoticed?

Ha and this is the next layer, I get upset if I am not recognised for going way over and above what is expected. But then get all freaked and do not receive positive comment well at all, most of the time deflecting to someone else, or trying to point out faults that mean there was still 'better' that could have been done.

I've a great example of imposter syndrome played out. I got an invite to our global leadership conference a couple of months ago. This is obviously a fairly 'big' thing in that it is a small gathering. But I forwarded the invite to the company phishing email account as I assumed it couldn't possibly be real. Led to some 'fun' conversations with my boss. Even then I was explaining to her who else would be better to go.

 

[AprilR]

In my case, i simply think "these people don't know me well, so they are only seeing the surface" when someone praises me. Like being called smart, i am worried that people will start to think i am smart and will later understand i am not, so they will feel disappointed.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

As such, I was curious what strategies you guys find helpful in dealing with Impostor Syndrome.

I try to provide value, to use my power wisely and not to waste my given resources.

When I doub if im providing enougth value for my paycheck I study more/do something more (to provide more value or have better knowledge) and use my money for things that are good for the economy and others. So even if the money I get was unfair, by doing a good use of it it becomes a good thing that I received it.

In the use of my power I try not to hurt others, and if I hurt them with words (which happens a lot) not to abuse of them. As an example, to do as much as possible for my coworkers to learn, to share knowledge, to let them get the best vacation days, to talk with them when they do something wrong instead of firing them, to protect those who may be suffering a difficult situation so they can recover... As with the money, even if I was given power unfairly, by making a good use of it I feel it becomes a good thing that I received it.

 

[MNAus]

I struggle with imposter syndrome too. But in a strange way. It's not that I feel I'm stupid, just that I'm missing something. So when I'm in a situation where there are people competing professionally, I believe I can't succeed at all. I feel like I'm a book, whereas they are a TV show. That I have a lot of ability, but ultimately my inability to articulate and engage will see me lose out. It's like they have a gift that I'm missing.

As a result I get pretty frustrated when I hear people doing public speaking and feel that I have something useful to add, but also feel strongly that I'd never be able to communicate that in the way they do. And it's also frustrating because I assume they know what they are talking about, so when I find out they really don't I could kick myself.