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Grandson

M

Marvin Jacobs

New Member
I have a wonderful 14 (almost 15!) year old grandson who in the last two years has become increasingly worrisome. Some background information...four years ago, his drug addict mother (my ex daughter-in-law) essentially chose a life with drugs over recovery and motherhood. Three years ago he was sexually molested by a friend of his oldest brother (actually an unknown friend) of his friend. His father is a very good and loving dad but sadly has very brittle diabetes resulting in their moving from WA to live with me in IL. Almost two years ago, we came very close to losing him with sepsis and osteomyelitis (fighting a very high fever in the process). So, for the last year, we've seen increasing signs that something is wrong. It is now hard to have any kind of normal conversation with him. His responses...your mom...your dad...rhyming, obsession with chickens, etc). We cannot persuade him to wear jeans (insists on sweat pants), He is in constant motion, tapping things, pulling things, rubbing things. He is quickly becoming a very serious detraction in school and, while teachers are trying to remain patient, they are close to losing their patience. We are at a loss. Is this an emotional response to what he's experienced in the past? Could it be a response to a high fever that affected his brain? Or...is it an indication of some level of autism? Despite his aggravating traits, he seems liked and tolerated by his classmates (but I think that is being tested more and more). Any advice or wisdom you can offer, would be greatly appreciated. We just don't know where to start! Thanks
 
Hi Marvin :)

welcome to af.png


I'm sure you will find many if not all of the answers that you seek here.
 
I agree BraidedPony and we do have an appointment Dec 4 with the Doctor at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago...but still looking for as much feedback and information as we can. Plus...time seems to be of the essence. Definitely seems to be getting worse quickly!
 
Sorry, I wish I had some insight or advice for you, but I don't. I am glad you have the appointment made for him to see the doctor.
 
Marvin Jacobs said:
I have a wonderful 14 (almost 15!) year old grandson who in the last two years has become increasingly worrisome. Some background information...four years ago, his drug addict mother (my ex daughter-in-law) essentially chose a life with drugs over recovery and motherhood. Three years ago he was sexually molested by a friend of his oldest brother (actually an unknown friend) of his friend. His father is a very good and loving dad but sadly has very brittle diabetes resulting in their moving from WA to live with me in IL. Almost two years ago, we came very close to losing him with sepsis and osteomyelitis (fighting a very high fever in the process). So, for the last year, we've seen increasing signs that something is wrong. It is now hard to have any kind of normal conversation with him. His responses...your mom...your dad...rhyming, obsession with chickens, etc). We cannot persuade him to wear jeans (insists on sweat pants), He is in constant motion, tapping things, pulling things, rubbing things. He is quickly becoming a very serious detraction in school and, while teachers are trying to remain patient, they are close to losing their patience. We are at a loss. Is this an emotional response to what he's experienced in the past? Could it be a response to a high fever that affected his brain? Or...is it an indication of some level of autism? Despite his aggravating traits, he seems liked and tolerated by his classmates (but I think that is being tested more and more). Any advice or wisdom you can offer, would be greatly appreciated. We just don't know where to start! Thanks
Click to expand...
It's a combo as usual of trauma from molestation ,a degree(he's not paralysed so lower your heart rate) of brain damage from bacterial infections ,all communicated by an individual who can't communicate in an age appropriate way ,would the world end if he didn't wear jeans ,communicate via pictures !if you don't already! you can get autism visual aid apps he can point ,if he avoids eye contact watch where he points ,communication is shattering if you're traumatised, in dog psychology you don't look a dog directly in the eyes for a long period of minutes ,use body language, just sit sideways close by, even humans don't like to be stared at,I can't give you advice about autism as I'm not a licensed diagnostician ,all can give you is the psychology I've memorised ,if he doesn't like to be touched use very light touch,I have PTSD from various situations and I avoid sound from synthesised music ,anything post the 1980s,don't love everything about the 1980s or 1970s can't high pitched sounds,I'm hypervigilant so listen to conversations which are medium speed,avoid news programmes ,watch craft channels calming as it's a calming subject for hours,I've bought young childrens books to help with PTSD apparently it helps to begin socialisation again.
I also take an SSRI but you need a psychologist to discern what would heal not harm
 
That's a difficult combination of factors. Seems more the realm of professional doctors/therapists. One thing I can say is I've had low/moderate level fevers lasting almost 2 months and a high one that lasted a week (for a short period of time it was about 109 degrees). I didn't notice any effect on brain function or change of behaviors - except being more crabby during the long lasting one.
 
Hi Marvin
What you describe sounds pretty typical for a teenager that's led as complicated a life as he has so far. There's little doubt he will be suffering anxiety and likely PTSD after the trauma he's been through. Whilst it's possible he may be on the spectrum, it wouldn't be my first instinct.

If your grandson is autistic he would have been so from birth so you would almost certainly have noticed differences in him all his life, assuming you've been in regular contact. If that's not the case and what you observe recently is a marked change from what you're used to, autism would not be a likely explanation. Despite the hysterical & ignorant stories so beloved of the tabloids and populist media, autistics are born, not made.
 
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A diagnosis of Autism may help inform your approach, but may not be necessary for you (and others) to address the issues you mentioned.

1) If he appears to be having difficulty coping with having been molested, please get him to a counselor. A counselor may also suggest approaches to the other issues you mentioned.
2) Don’t worry about him wearing jeans. That’s the smallest of the issues. Save your worry for the bigger issues.
3) Being constantly in motion is common with autism. But don’t worry about the label just yet. Consider finding a way for him to be in motion, or stim, that is less distracting. Fidget spinners or other fidget toys is one option. There are plenty of other options, too.
 
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