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Featured Getting along better with the opposite sex.

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by disconnected, Mar 13, 2019.

  1. disconnected

    disconnected Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I have read blurbs about people with ASD getting along better with members of the opposite sex. I googled to try and learn the dynamics, but came up with nothing. I’m thinking I’m using the wrong wording.

    My favorite co worker is a female, we get along well. She is married to a woman, I just said that to establish no one is flirting etc.

    Thinking back, I get along well with women. But why?

    I’m thinking male to male could tend to be more obnoxious to establish an imaginary line?

    Any links would be helpful.
     
  2. Monachopia

    Monachopia ...spiral out... keep going. V.I.P Member

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    Unfortunately I don't have an answer for this... All I know is that I find women very confusing and men are easier to get along with as they're more straight forward. Maybe there's a quality in the opposite gender that resonates with how we internally process things? Or it's something we wish we understood better?

    Maybe it's an avoidance in dominance establishment, same gender friendships have a subconscious rivalry in them and ASD people tend not to play those games and avoid them completely. That's a theory I'd probably lean towards.
     
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  3. disconnected

    disconnected Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I’d lean towards the same sex rivalry too.
     
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  4. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    A thread on this topic was made recently. Maybe if someone can find that it would have information you're looking for.

    I get along better with males, though. Women make me uncomfortable, and I don't know why. If I were straight, I'd be a virgin forever.
     
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  5. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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  6. Rexi

    Rexi owo uwu owo ProbablyAspie Atheist Science=<3

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    Friendships with girls seem more likely to feel superficial to me, theres not much closeness, except with aspie girls. There seems to be a depth to them, and it seems retaliated. Maybe the male brainness is more comfortable and interesting to me.

    0x0 I thought you have a wife. Maybe when i saw 'married' i thought itd be a girl. xP
     
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  7. Kevin1968

    Kevin1968 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    When I was younger I was scared of girls, but once I got past that I found I prefer talking to women. Men talk too much about sports!

    I tend to bore my work colleagues as I tend to talk about work.
     
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  8. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

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    The proportion of people who identify as transgender or agender, as well as those who are not heterosexual is measurably higher in the autistic than allistic population.

    A large proportion of us don't fit into stereotypical gender roles which are themselves constructs of societies we often feel alienated from. Many of the preoccupations of the typical "alpha" models of male & female seem ridiculous wastes of time to lots of us, and have little relevance to those of us who have no care to be popular, powerful or even famous.

    Consequently, since we often don't meet the expectations of our gender's peer group, we can find ourselves excluded. We also identify commonalities with the opposite sex that we don't often see presented in our own because in general people gravitate towards the social norm. It can lead to autistic women who don't follow the unwritten rules of femininity feeling kinship with men and vice versa. Conversely it can also mean we don't fit the appropriate criteria for being good partnership material in the more shallow minded perspective shared by so many outside the spectrum. That's why the "friend zone" cliché sounds familiar to so many of us. We are good friend material but not macho enough to be a husband or feminine enough to be a wife.

    Thankfully not everyone is so easily led or as lacking in depth, so plenty of us do find suitable partners at some point, however that tendency to be friendlier with the opposite sex still remains.
     
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  9. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    I do as well. Guess it could also come from growing up in a house of all females, my college classmates being all females and being in a female-dominated industry.
     
  10. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    I believe that gender thought processes tend to be more polarized, culturally speaking. I think that is where most of us start based on our hormones.

    NTs seem to guard that, as a convention, where auties do not feel the need to do so. As a caregiver to my adult daughter or when I draw/pose female characters,* I find that I must adopt a more womanly mindset.

    I believe same-sex NTs are offended by a gender-centrist frame-of-mind,** where opposite-sex NTs welcome it. My default inclinations still skew masculine, but I don't feel that I need to prove my manhood to anyone (and maintain a socially-approved mask as such).

    *Being a man, my female characters tend to lean more tomgirl/tomboy [i.e. Cy Girl/GI Jane] than girly-girl [i.e. Barbie].
    **They seem to see it as a betrayal (much like how polarized political advocates view political centrists).
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2019 at 12:57 PM
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  11. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    Which one?
     
  12. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    You just got me to check my profile to see if it says "married"! Is that what you said? You must be confusing me with someone! I'm not married and didn't put anywhere that I'm married! :eek:
     
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  13. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Just another person V.I.P Member

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    This gets so difficult with dyslexia...
     
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  14. some/aspies/need/hugs/13

    some/aspies/need/hugs/13 New Member

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    I get along way better with females than males, also most guys don't understand how I think and all but typically see me as nonthreatening to a relationship they have with a female friend of mine.
     
  15. inkfingers

    inkfingers 19 year old Aspie artist and Jesus follower

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    Hmmm. As a female aspie, I have gotten along quite well with boys in my childhood. I would play with nerf guns and play capture the flag with the neighborhood kids. I especially enjoyed playing with the neighbor boys. They played more and talked less, which I like. More action, less talking!
     
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  16. Fantasia

    Fantasia Active Member

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    Urgh, one of my female friends just dumped me over some trivial misunderstanding. I suspect it's more her problem than mine, she seems to have trouble with women in general. Still, it's an uncomfortable reminder that interpersonal relationships suck, doubly so with women.

    Men are - speaking very broadly - less tetchy and more likely to let things go. That said, I've certainly met several men who take every little slight far too personally.

    Women are social climbers and grudgers. This is likely an evolutionary thing - not being able to wield the physical power in society, means women are specialised in social power. This is why women are 'bitchy', because they have to constantly tussle for status. It doesn't help that society in general is so much more judgemental of women. Stay at home with the kids? You're letting the feminist side down. Prioritise your career? You're an icy *****. Women have to be eternally conscious of the image they portray.

    Men are problematic in their own way, however, because I have to be constantly on my guard for romantic advances. I am totally blind to flirting and the idea of sex makes me utterly uncomfortable, so this is a threat to my friendships. Even flirty jokes or 'banter' makes me feel threatened.

    Hell is other people, indeed.
     
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  17. SeanDIdgeridoo1996

    SeanDIdgeridoo1996 New Member

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    Hmm, this is interesting. Growing up I'd say I got along better with girls than guys, I've always gotten along well with older women (think 30+) but overtime the opposite is true. I get along A LOT better with guys, I find that more often than not I don't have anything to say to a girl (and vice versa) and I find that I never have any common interests with them. When I'm talking to another guy, even if we don't share much common ground, I just find that they ENGAGE better in conversation than girls seem to. I don't know, I guess I haven't met many interesting girls but most of what they spoke to me about was completely vapid and mundane and I find myself drifting off more often than not.
     
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  18. Glytch

    Glytch Active Member

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    I know exactly what you mean. I find that I get along much better with females than I do with males. I have several female friends, including my best friend, and one, maybe two male friends. Most of the guys I know are... basically every current masculine stereotype you can think of. It’s like some kind of disease, and one that I have partial immunity to. Now, as for the girls... they definitely seem more open to accepting things (and, more specifically, people) that are different or “weird.” I’m not sure if it’s something about the way their minds are wired, or the way mine is wired, but all I do know is, the compatibility is there.

    ...Not sure if anything I just said was helpful. Just figured I’d put it out there...
     
  19. Jackson

    Jackson New Member

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    I find that I get along with men and women on a much more equal scale nowadays, and I attribute that to society weeding out some of the male chauvinism that dominated western cultures. As a society, we are starting to teach people that they can be above their base instincts.

    That being said, I tend to understand women more, because I'm a semi-feminine gay man, so I see a woman's point of view on more things. Not in every aspect, but I definitely tend to understand women more... I don't suspect that my autism is the cause.
     
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  20. Rexi

    Rexi owo uwu owo ProbablyAspie Atheist Science=<3

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    There it is! :eek:
     
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