FOOD FIGHT

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Spritzes the entire room with 7-11 Slurpees and Big Gulps.

 

[maycontainthunder]

Pretends to be out of ammunition and lures people in closer but what they don't know is that I have a bottle of champagne and spray them with it.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

After being sprayed with said champagne, I stagger around like a divorcee at a winery.

As I pass each of you, I make sure to splatter you with nacho cheese.

 

[maycontainthunder]

With you unable to defend I put a cream swirl on your head with a cherry on the top.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

a giant balloon is floating in the middle of the room, above everyone's head. i pull out a needle and pop it. suddenly, sprinkles collapse onto the whip cream.

 

[maycontainthunder]

Ducking the sprinkles I discover a whole box of donuts. My joy turns to annoyance when I discover they contain cornflour. In a rage I rip open the box and start throwing at random distracted people.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Corn donuts? Are you daft, man?

Enraged by the sheer audacity of your purchase, I in turn also visit the gluten free depressing aisle and find brownies made with cauliflower that are chocolate-free, and instead contain carob and soybeans.

I unleash my fury upon the lot of you, yeeting the infinite brownies of sadness upon the crowd.

 

[maycontainthunder]

(the jam has cornflour in it as a thickener. Very, very common trick. It is even found in packets of sliced meat. No, I am not joking.)

Finds a large bottle of fizzy drink and a packet of mentos. I dump the whole packet in the bottle and throw it.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

This room is getting quite messy, and ya'll are covered in food! I spray everything and everyone with seltzer.

 

[tree]

Empties a box of baking soda on the puddles
of seltzer water to see whether it will fizz.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Empties a bottle of vinegar on top of the baking soda, to ensure it will fizz.

 

[maycontainthunder]

*stands in the middle of the chaos out of ammunition with mouth open hopeful of a tasty projectile coming my way*

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Sends you a tasty projectile of vinegar, selzer, and baking soda. (It's all we got today)

 

[tree]

Here's a splash of olive oil to mix with the vinegar.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Opens a skylight and pours down anchovies, to make a nice Caesar dressing.

 

[tree]

Tears apart 15 heads of lettuce and
strews the leaves everywhere.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Pulls out one of those parmesan shredders they use at Olive Garden, and grates parmesan indefinitely, for hours and hours, watching the mountain grow and grow, laughing maniacally.

 

[tree]

Splats a few containers of baby food mac & cheese
around the place, because, why not?

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

opens a hatch and fifty gallons of jello cubes schplarf across the floor.

 

[tree]

To honor the moms, aunts, and grandmas
of the 1950s, I respectfully offer two bushels of
miniature marshmallows and a wheelbarrow full
of sliced bananas.