Five Love Languages Quiz

[SameStars]

You got: Words of Affirmation. I had the same problem with the options, I went with the one that was sort of the closest.

 

[As sweet as-pie]

You got: Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

This does sound like me but I didn't like the way the quiz was set out :S I feel like there should have been maybe 5 options per question instead of just 2. On some questions I agreed with both statements or neither.

 

[StephF]

I didn't take the quiz. The page was flooded with ads, the layout was poor with text flowing over the buttons.
There was no option to say neither. Very poorly designed and puts one off from the first moment.
Sorry for the criticism but it is meant as constructive criticism.

 

[tree]

I didn't get ads or any text flowing over the buttons.
It's true the little quiz was forced choice.
It's also true that the choices weren't necessarily between
two things anybody might, in real life, care to chooser between.
To add the 'neither' option would introduce another categorization
element that this small instrument was not designed to measure.

For what it is, the small quiz isn't bad, although very
obvious in the forced choices. I have been a paid lab rat, taking
many academic surveys, quizzes, evaluations. Psychometry was
an interest of mine in school. This quiz definitely wasn't the
worst I've seen. Better than the amateur items purporting to
tell you secrets of your personality based on what pizza topping
you prefer, for instance.

 

[On the Inside]

Apparently some people make coupon booklets
to formally present to other people, in lieu of tangible
object-gifts.

http://www.suzanne-brown.com/HERBS/BFF COUPONS.pdf
https://img1.etsystatic.com/036/0/9729328/il_fullxfull.626163823_8vdt.jpg
http://s57.photobucket.com/user/liz...stockings-cool-mom-picks_zps81bb500c.jpg.html

Lots of others, if you google 'coupon ideas for friends,'
for instance.

A teacher in grade school had us make a coupon book to give to our moms for mother's day. My mom never redeemed a single one, bless her heart.

 

[On the Inside]

I agree that the quiz was filled with choices between rocks and hard places.

 

[Maelstrom]

Does anyone have thoughts on how a Quality Time person would fair dating a non quality time person. I find this test alarming as I could be expressing my love 100 % and the other person may think I am doing nothing to show love at all.
I may come out okay with (acts of service) as I am helpful, but with (words of affirmation) or (gifts) I might end up looking like a Horses butt, if I forget to make mental notes to do certain things.

 

[theminx]

I took this quiz, and it got me to wondering how much being on the spectrum affects the way we express and recognize "love" in our daily lives. Typically, one expresses love in the same way one expects others to express it, and this can lead to misunderstandings if two people don't speak the same love language.

If you have the desire, please take the quiz and post your results. I'm curious to know if there is a pattern. I don't want to skew potential data, so I will wait before disclosing my results.

http://www.proprofs.com/quiz-school/story.php?title=whats-your-love-langugae

This one was hard for me. I like to say I gauge a person more by their actions than the words they use. Yet I got Words of Affirmation as my result. And I think the reason why is the stress caused by the NT based rules of reciprocity.

For instance, I do enjoy getting presents...but when I think about it...the rules of reciprocity flood my brain...which hurts my head just thinking about it.

I don't like the reciprocity rule, because I prefer receiving a gift when someone gets the urge to give me a gift (or do something for me) because they want to do it or think I deserve it...without the expectation of getting anything back.

Just as I very much enjoy giving gifts (and sometimes doing things for people), because I truly get excited seeing that surprised look on their face when they receive it (or cuz I really think they deserve it), without the expectation of getting anything back.

Cuz it's been my experience people don't give gifts or do anything to help you without the expectation of getting something in return, which often stresses me out.

Case in point: when I was about 10yrs old, I told my sister (13 months younger) and brother (3 yes younger) that I didn't want us to be like the adults in our family; I didn't want there to be an expectation to give gifts or money or do things for each other that causes strife between us. So, I made a pact with them that there was no expectation to do anything for each other.

I thought this meant that we were free to give each other presents and do things to help each other only if we wanted to.

Since then, neither my sister or brother has ever done anything for me...or bought me any presents. Yet I've done many things for both of them over the years, which often included buying them presents.

I once asked them about this. They were like...you made the pact...we just chose to adhere to it. That's your problem if you didn't.

But I made the pact with them so we never felt obligated to do anything for each other...not to keep us from doing things because we wanted to. But their answer told me everything I needed to know: they only did things for people when they were obligated to do so...when the reciprocity factor was in place.

This was a difficult lesson for me to swallow. But it is one I'm constantly being reminded of.

So, I like the concept of this quiz, but I feel like there should be qualifiers. Like do you prefer receiving a gift over spending leisurely time with friends and family if you're not forced to adhere the reciprocity factor?
But then that could lead to selfish people just saying they like to receive presents.

So, I do prefer doing things for people or having people do things for me, but I like doing things for people cuz I want to do it for them. And I want to feel like people do things for me...cuz they want to do things for me...cuz they truly like me and think I deserve it...

...NOT because they feel obligated to do so.

So, the NT based rules of reciprocity stayed my hand from selecting this option on many of the questions.

Don't get me wrong; I do very much enjoy words of affirmation. But I've learned the hard way...

....that many people say what you want to hear...

...then act contrary to their words.

Apologies for the diatribe. But I was wondering if anyone else encountered this while taking the test?
I've not read any more of this thread than to read Cali's original post. So...it will be interesting now to see how people respond to the quiz.

 

[theminx]

In all honesty this quiz made me quite uncomfortable. One too many questions where neither option really seemed to apply.

I felt the same!

 

[theminx]

Aren't we all.

Not a problem, Judge. I'm just curious and gathering data to either prove or disprove my hypothesis.

I very like the concept of these sorts of social experiments though. I'm curious to see what your theory is.

 

[theminx]

I believe that is maybe the most profound aspect of HFA. I've rarely met an Aspie who did not think deeply about everything. I suppose there may be some shallow Aspies, but I haven't personally encountered any so far.

It is a pity that for all our inner consideration, we lack the "appropriate" means of expression to be fully understood.

I get told this often...that I'm too deep. That I need an off switch. That I read too much. Think too much. Etc.

It is amazing to find a community with others similar to myself.

 

[Maelstrom]

I felt the same!

My difficulty was more on questions like choosing between helping with the dishes or getting or giving a hug....I wanted to mark both...I love hugs and helping both.

I don't mind giving presents or compliments but...I have trouble receiving them I struggle to show the right response and emotion....I feel like I ruin the moment somehow.

 

[Nitro]

....that many people say what you want to hear...

...then act contrary to their words.

.

When people as me how I am doing,my reply is generally do you want the truth or what you want to hear

 

[theminx]

When people as me how I am doing,my reply is generally do you want the truth or what you want to hear

I used to do the same thing. I'd ask...is that a rhetorical question or do you really want to know?

Then I got sent to a communication seminar.

 

[theminx]

My difficulty was more on questions like choosing between helping with the dishes or getting or giving a hug....I wanted to mark both...I love hugs and helping both.

I don't mind giving presents or compliments but...I have trouble receiving them I struggle to show the right response and emotion....I feel like I ruin the moment somehow.

I totally get that.

 

[Ylva]

Apparently I'm really into spending time with people.

 

[Maelstrom]

Apparently I'm really into spending time with people.

I like just being with someone I love...no fancy date stuff just have close time together a picnic, a walk, sit by the river and talk and toss pebbles in the water..etcetera!

 

[Nightingale121]

You got: Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Like some others in the thread already mentioned I had trouble with some of the questions as well.

I feel like there should have been maybe 5 options per question instead of just 2. On some questions I agreed with both statements or neither.

I agree with that.
That would have been better and maybe would also improve the quality of the result, I guess.
I mean, if there are two options and you have to choose one although you don't think any of them fits, how can that be very accurate?
I just anwered something on those questions because I had to choose one option. I tried to figure out which of them is less terrible if I didn't agree with any of the options and choose that option.
I know that it's probably impossible to cover the options for everyone who might take the test perfectly, but a few more options might make it easier to find one that fits.

 

[On the Inside]

For instance, I do enjoy getting presents...but when I think about it...the rules of reciprocity flood my brain...which hurts my head just thinking about it.

This caused me to Google "rules of reciprocity" and much to my surprise, there is such a thing, though I always suspected there was, I've just felt too overwhelmed by it to put it in practice.

It turns out (surprise, surprise) that this rule is exploited by marketing, which leads me to believe it has been exploited by others, to get more in return than they gave in the first place.

One article also went into how the rule is involved in the concept of revenge, simply the rule of reciprocation in negative terms. It tells us how conflicts can spiral out of control. I don't think I've really felt the need to get revenge, I will try to set someone straight if they do something harmful to me, but it would take a great deal of something negative to get me to retaliate.

 

[theminx]

This caused me to Google "rules of reciprocity" and much to my surprise, there is such a thing, though I always suspected there was, I've just felt too overwhelmed by it to put it in practice.

It turns out (surprise, surprise) that this rule is exploited by marketing, which leads me to believe it has been exploited by others, to get more in return than they gave in the first place.

One article also went into how the rule is involved in the concept of revenge, simply the rule of reciprocation in negative terms. It tells us how conflicts can spiral out of control. I don't think I've really felt the need to get revenge, I will try to set someone straight if they do something harmful to me, but it would take a great deal of something negative to get me to retaliate.

I think that's the problem. I don't think the "rules of reciprocity" applies to us neuro-a-typicals. At least, not until NTs force it on us. I think usually when those of us with (neuro) atypical thinking do things for someone we like, we do so because we want to...

...not with any expectation to get anything in return.

Which is why I think such rules are difficult to use against us. I think this is also why marketing and advertising doesn't often work on us. And why - even when we like fashion - our fashion sense is typically uniquely our own.

I think we have difficulty following the herd.

The only reason I know it's called the "reciprocity rule" is because my brother once told me I was very inconsiderate. This bothered me (this is way before I knew anything about my ASD). I asked my mom why my brother said this. She said it's cuz when people do stuff for me...I don't do things in return for them.

I argued that I do things for people when I like them or feel they deserve it.

She said this didn't matter. That people do things for people when people do things for them.

It's the rule.

She gave me an example of how one of my cousins only gave my sister $50 when my sister got married, but my mom gave this cousin $250 when she got married. So, now the rule says my cousin is in a deficit with her.

That was my mom's explanation almost verbatim.

I remember thinking this was foolish. And if it was truly a rule...so...like you I also looked it up, except I didn't know it was called "reciprocity" at the time. So, my search took me on a rather circuitous route. Which finally led me to the rule. Among other things, such as herd mentality. How advertisements and marketing companies use many of these rules to influence the masses.

I remember thinking back then that these rules were silly and didn't seem to apply to me.

Again, I didn't know I was on the spectrum at that juncture.

But everything I've learned since tells me that most of this type of thinking applies to NTs (neuro-typicals), and not usually to us. It usually only seems to apply to us when it's been forced upon us. When we've been forced to view the world thru NT based filters.

Now, I've no true empirical evidence to support this theory. But much of what I've read...anecdotal stories and such, seem to support if not truly confirm it.

I know that I often have difficulties due to the reciprocity rule.

Case in point:
I recently was reprimanded for giving my cousin's daughter a gift. I did this because she had been hanging with my niece and nephew often while I'm there. So, we ended up bonding a bit. Which spurred me to spontaneously give her a gift...without truly thinking it thru...or applying the reciprocity factor. I got in trouble because I'd not given my cousin's other children any gifts...and I was told this wasn't fair, that it was rude for me to give one of my cousin's children a a present...and not the others, cuz it showed favoritism.

Which confused me, cuz I don't know her other children at all, so I do favor her.

Why is that wrong? Again, see the "rules of reciprocity" for clarification.

Sigh...

The reverse is even sometimes more confusing. My mom took me to her favorite salon to get my hair cut. I guess the owner really took a liking to me, so she bought me a purse. Which I thought was very sweet, even though I didn't like the purse, so I let my mom keep it.

But my mom is now on me to buy this woman (a woman I don't know) a present to return the favor of her gifting me with a purse I don't even like.

Again, see the "rules of reciprocity" for clarification.

Sigh... Grrr... blah.

I've other stories, but I feel these give you the gist of what I'm trying to convey.