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Five Love Languages Quiz

I guess the difference with me is that I have always been a leader and not a follower. I think that interfacing with others is more like a game where you have to be in command of a situation and not let what others think rule how I handle them. We as a stereotype are supposed to have an intellectual handle on the world,not let the "rules of engagement" determine how our day will be spent.

In my past,I was terrible at the romance game,playing an imitation of what I saw others do,which was in effect wearing a mask that did not fit my own protocol. It got me nowhere except booted out of the game in the bigger scheme of things looking back on it. The real me is fun loving and will provide those around me with an education if they take the time to listen to me. Those that don't want to listen have no right to be a part of my life and are cast aside with their peers who are more like sheep who only follow commands to avoid the wolves.

The autism spectrum isn't fair to any on it as some get the goods and others only get the trauma or somewhere in between if they are lucky enough.I was one of the fortunate ones who got a boatload of goods with only a slight amount of social impairment that was easy enough to overcome due to my being aware of my surroundings from an early age. The NT is actually quite predictable in my honest opinion if you are already expecting the unexpected,besides that,they are the majority here and that is how it will always be.

I maybe have shared too much of my thought process in this post,but what you see is now what you will get as I have promised in another posting a while ago... comments?
 
I like to give gifts but really do not much care about receiving them. I often give people things I have that I know they would like.

If someone gives me a gift I appreciate it but I do not ever expect gifts. My son never gives me anything for Father's Day nor even says happy Father's Day and it does not bother me a wit.
 
Nitro said:
I guess the difference with me is that I have always been a leader and not a follower. I think that interfacing with others is more like a game where you have to be in command of a situation and not let what others think rule how I handle them. We as a stereotype are supposed to have an intellectual handle on the world,not let the "rules of engagement" determine how our day will be spent.

In my past,I was terrible at the romance game,playing an imitation of what I saw others do,which was in effect wearing a mask that did not fit my own protocol. It got me nowhere except booted out of the game in the bigger scheme of things looking back on it. The real me is fun loving and will provide those around me with an education if they take the time to listen to me. Those that don't want to listen have no right to be a part of my life and are cast aside with their peers who are more like sheep who only follow commands to avoid the wolves.

The autism spectrum isn't fair to any on it as some get the goods and others only get the trauma or somewhere in between if they are lucky enough.I was one of the fortunate ones who got a boatload of goods with only a slight amount of social impairment that was easy enough to overcome due to my being aware of my surroundings from an early age. The NT is actually quite predictable in my honest opinion if you are already expecting the unexpected,besides that,they are the majority here and that is how it will always be.

I maybe have shared too much of my thought process in this post,but what you see is now what you will get as I have promised in another posting a while ago... comments?
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It is interesting that you say this...as I actually say in my introduction message to these forums, "This is why sometimes I need to view my interactions with people as a game. Not to be won. But to be viewed logically, with a tangible set of rules my brain can more easily sift thru, order and solve."

But I say this for the same reasoning you wrote here.

I actually had on my Facebook profile background meme pic from the 1980s film War Games, "Shall we play a game?"

When people asked me why I quoted this film...I couldn't put into proper words they could understand that human interaction often feels like that movie to me...a tic-tac-toe game that...everyone is trying to win...but no one ever does. One I'm in constant fear will explode in my face.

Cuz I don't want to win. I just want to understand how to play...so I'm not always inadvertently upsetting people...or getting upset or frustrated myself.

More like a puzzle. To be solved.
 
theminx said:
It is interesting that you say this...as I actually say in my introduction message to these forums, "This is why sometimes I need to view my interactions with people as a game. Not to be won. But to be viewed logically, with a tangible set of rules my brain can more easily sift thru, order and solve."

But I say this for the same reasoning you wrote here.

I actually had on my Facebook profile background meme pic from the 1980s film War Games, "Shall we play a game?"

When people asked me why I quoted this film...I couldn't put into proper words they could understand that human interaction often feels like that movie to me...a tic-tac-toe game that...everyone is trying to win...but no one ever does. One I'm in constant fear will explode in my face.

Cuz I don't want to win. I just want to understand how to play...so I'm not always inadvertently upsetting people...or getting upset or frustrated myself.

More like a puzzle. To be solved.
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To me,the win is recognition for what I am capable of...who doesn't like a good atta boy every once in a while ;)
 
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Nitro said:
To me,the wins is recognition for what I am capable of...who doesn't like a good atta boy every once in a while ;)
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This is true. But I see "winning" so differently than most people I know.

Case in point:
My sister who is 13 months younger than me has been in competition with me my whole life.

Once I got a promotion. I called her and her response was to she ask how much money I made, then point out she made more than me.

This initially...hurt me.

Then suddenly it hit me...why there had been so much strife and animosity between us our whole lives.

I wrote her a letter. I told her that she had done it. She had "won" the sister competition of the world. She was married. Two children. A house. Two cars. The title of "Director" in her career.

So, now that there was tangible proof she "won", could we go back to just being sisters?

It changed everything. Well, at least for a few years. We got along better than we ever had before.

This, of course, didn't last. Such things never do (I'm learning) when it comes to the NT based mindset. I'll inadvertently end up doing something she'll take to mean something it's not...and the competition will begin again in her head.

This has made me rethink my whole stance on "winning and losing".

I do very much crave validation sometimes. And I also often need to prove I'm capable if excelling at certain things. But it is not so important anymore to compare myself to anyone but...me.

If it is important to my sister to think she is better than me, then why deny her this?

The things she wishes to excel in are not even important to me.

What is important to most people is not important to me.

I paint. I like sharing pics of my art online. But I've never sold an original piece. I've never even tried. Selling my art is not important to me. Beautifying people's lives my sharing it in hopes it resonates is important to me.

I don't think this makes me any less of an artist.

Just different.

I don't have formalized training in either art or philosophy. I started a Masters in organic Chem, but didn't finish and worked in biotech for 13yrs. Yet I proclaim myself a philosopher on my website and post many of my theories

Does the fact I have no formalized training or qualifications in either make me any less of an artist or philosopher?

I'd argue it doesn't, cuz us Aspies/Auties tend to be autodidactic. We become obsessed with a thing until we know it inside and out. Until learn it. We conquer it. We make it our own.

Is this "winning"?

Perhaps.

I do know I don't need to feel like I've done something better than anyone else to feel like I've "won", which definitely doesn't fit what seems to be the NT based filter of "winning".
 
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theminx said:
This is true. But I see "winning" so differently than most people I know.

Case in point:
My sister who is 13 months younger than me has been in competition with me my whole life.

Once I got a promotion. I called her and her response was to she ask how much money I made, then point out she made more than me.

This initially...hurt me.

Then suddenly it hit me...with there had been so much strife and animosity between us all our lives.

I wrote her a letter. I told her that she had done it. She had "won" the sister competition of the world. She was married. Two children. A house. Two cars. The title of "Director" in her career.

So, now that there was tangible proof she "won", could we go back to just being sisters?

It changed everything. Well, at least for a few years. We got along better than we ever had before.
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One of my brothers is that way he even started doing art..I was a art major at the time...and he had no use for art. I really don't know what to make of it on a certain level. It is annoying and offensive to have some one trying to run a race against you un-invited. But sometimes I wonder if underneath all the bravado of those types is a unquenchable hunger for approval and affermation...they want to be told they did good.
Anyways now days I try to compliment someone if they are doing something well, it makes me sad to think that they may try their whole lives to earn a few words of praise and never get it.

The sins of un-intended Omission may actually actually cause as much or more suffering to people we love than other mistakes. I think all of us miss endless chances to say something nice not realizing how much it would mean to the other person.
 
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tree said:
People have said to you that you 'over analyze/overthink,'
and they complain that you talk too much.

You would feel naked without your words.
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Yes! They say this to me all the time. Like with many other things, this used to hurt me. Now I try to look at it from a different perspective...and it doesn't bother me as much.

Does this happen to you...or do you understand one such as myself?

It is strange, cuz you are correct: I would feel naked without my words, but these same words are misinterpreted or misconstrued so often...you'd think I'd grow to be silent.

Which I often do.

Or become tentative and unsure or myself...and how to express myself in a manner that won't cause me or others strife.

But that doesn't change the fact the thoughts and ideas and theories and speculations are broiling, percolating and boiling inside of me...surging...just bursting to find a way out.

So, I'm always searching...seeking people who might understand.

I think...perhaps...here I have found a voice. As well as a few other places.

Is it like this for you? For anyone else?
 
I got acts of service. That is not surprising. I pretty much already know this. =p

Quality time is probably a close runner up. Both words and touch are waaaaay off. I am awkward with giving and receiving either as a form of affection and I generally prefer to keep those to a minimum. The occasional one here and there, sure, like how it's nice to have my boss give me a pat on the back and say "you did a great job, you're a valuable employee, etc" twice a year during performance reviews. Just to be used as reminders that we're still on the same page about the relationship; no more.
 
You got: Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

I felt uncomfortable answering some of the questions too. Some I liked neither answer, some both. I thought I would get acts of service or words of affirmation actually.
 
I noticed something. Of the five love languages described, I actually enjoy all of them. My preferred one, Physical Touch, can occur at any time, but the others are constrained by time and resource limitations.

I like thoughtful gifts, but if that were my primary, how would I feel loved between gifts? If they run out of resources, would I stop feeling loved, when the stuff stopped coming in?

Likewise, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time & Acts of Service would be punctuated by their available time to do or say those things. Physical Touch is the only one that can occur in just about any setting, at any time.
 
I got Quality Time. I'm not surprised as I really like having someone to pay attention to me and try to listen. I don't get it from anyone.
 
You got: Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

I also wanted to do another one there (How American Are You?), but I got a 404 error message. I'm not American, but it would have been interesting to see the result. In this quiz there were many questions to which I thought "neither"; having just two options to choose from isn't optimal.
 
Lena_C said:
well, sometimes a random gift without any reason, saying "just thinking of you" is romantic.
But who on earth will appreciate this every day??? Ah, maybe NT will.
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Every single day would drive me crazy. I wouldn't think that being entirely predictable, and doing things because you feel you must in order to bolster someone's fragile ego, would be considered by anyone to be romantic.
 
I got Quality Time.

I guess I could have guessed that: full undivided attention is something really important for me and it is also how I show affection outside romantic relationships.

Explain my parents, for example, that when I come back home and I spend a full half-day presenting them with my latest theory about this or that topic I am expressing affection for them and I am not just nuts! :D

Probably Acts of Service would come second, but more as something that I am willing to give than to receive, while I love to both receive and give quality time.
 
Crossbreed said:
I like thoughtful gifts, but if that were my primary, how would I feel loved between gifts? If they run out of resources, would I stop feeling loved, when the stuff stopped coming in?
Click to expand...

Sadly, I think there are some very shallow people (mostly NTs I would think) who would stop feeling loved if the gifts stopped coming or if one's resources ran out. Think of the women who marry rich men. They might not be so willing to stick around if his resources ran out. I think this is a very superficial kind of love though, and I wouldn't want it myself.
 
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