I'm going to be honest with you and give you advice but you may not like it. This is not meant to be mean or hateful but you are asking a very adult question and the adult world is not a very sugar coated world so I'm going to be completely straight with you.
This is coming from someone who has worked for others for 12 years and also has worked for himself in many capacities. I've seen the best and worst bosses and I've also started, failed and succeeded in running my own business(es) from home.
If you can't handle the pressures of a normal job then you most likely won't be able to be self employed.
Think about it. If working for yourself was
easier than working for someone else then
everyone would be doing it.
Working for yourself takes way more emotional and mental stability and focus. If you are having money troubles trying to balance things now you won't be able to balance the books and taxes on a company that has to answer to the IRS. The reason why fewer people are able to be at-home independent, managing their own business is because they are
more functional than the average person at an average job. Sure there are exceptions but this is pretty much how it is. People who successfully start a business at home and actually succeed deserve much credit and admiration because it is a huge feat of character and strength; not something you are currently displaying.
Stay with me though, you need to hear this. It does get better.
I get the fact that you don't want to have to answer to a boss but that's not going to help you. If you struggle with following rules or direction then how are you going to run a business when you are the boss? Some bosses are stupid and some of their rules are stupid, I know this. But if you work for yourself you will find that you are not only going to have to follow the rules but make them for yourself and others and enforce them. You think pressure is bad at a normal job? Try being the person responsible for a mistake on the company level and having to take responsibility for it with your own money and time. Working independently is putting everything on you; every stress, every mistake, every dollar, every bit of reputation. It's not for people who are timid.
Often people use that word "debilitating" and they don't seem to see that it's a double edged sword. If you are too debilitated to work a job (where you get paid for a
small task in a company) then you are far too debilitated to run a company solo. Even programmers have to get up and do things. No real job that makes real money is going to be easy.
If you are caught up with what you can't do, you will never push past them to see what you really can do.
And you ask "Can I make it on disability benefits alone?" and I will point out that even if you do get disability, it's not a very fulfilled life you will be making it on.
It's not a very big check even if it seems free to you. I have known many people on disability or constantly chasing disability and I have to be blunt: If all you see is the need for money, you will never be happy with anything you do. Sitting on a disability check usually brings out the worst in people.
Jobs represent far more than just a source of money in our lives; they provide structure, motivation, goals, life lessons, accomplishments and general purpose to getting up in the morning. If you just receive a check full of money
(that I worked for and was taken from my paycheck) you will lose more than the financial race, you will lose motivation. Trust me, even the most lively people I've known turn lazy and start compromising all their goals when they can just sit around and get disability. And it's even harder for them to ever get the strength to get up and start working again. I knew a mother who was extremely independent and strong willed; she hated welfare and what it meant but as soon as she gave in and got her first couple of checks, she quit trying at everything. She remained debilitated because nothing pushed her to get up anymore. You start taking a hand out for not being able to survive, trust me, you will never find strength anymore. Hunger drives us to push ourselves. Survival pushes us to become stronger than we were yesterday. Start lining up for free "making it by" money and you will lose your spirit making it impossible for you to start a business.
You think you can't go back to school because of $6,800? You are operating on a poor scale. Let me explain the figures to you:
You can find a trade and get a certification for only a couple $k, like welding or drafter. A welder can easily work 40hrs/week and pull in $5,000 a week! I'm a self taught Graphic Designer with plenty of years under my belt; if I wanted to set up for some freelance work I would earn
$35-40/hour. Last job I took I worked for two days straight on a rush job (CGI architectural rendering) and pulled in $1.7k for 48 hours of work which I did in a 48 hour period. So for 2 days I made a month's wages compared to my normal job. But in order to do that I had to be
faaaaar past a debilitated mindset.
I'm over $100k in student loan debt; that's over 10 times your debt, and I'm still going back to school. It's not because I'm stupid, It's because I have a plan and I have willpower to push on and not give up. I have skills, talent, experience, self encouragement and a fire lit in my spirit. I know that once I get certified in AutoCAD (I already know the program) I can freelance at $40+/hr and after I take the robotics degree I'll be able to earn around $55+/hr. I run my own business too and doing so is not for people who can't handle pressure or stress. When I'm ready to start working again I will be pulling in at least $2k/week. That makes only 50 weeks to pay off a six figure debt; that's less than a year. If you give up and take my tax dollars, you will probably earn $300-600/month and you will be just "getting by" but if you pushed yourself instead of giving up, you could be making 10-30 times that money and $6,800 will not scare you so much.
Your scale of understanding is off. Your debt is little more than a paycheck to someone who works hard. You aren't going to get far on disability because even if you get it, you are only allowed to earn so much... it literally limits you from making any real money. You need to understand that if you can't handle a job, running a legitimate business is going to be far harder. People start their own businesses (hipsters with laptops excluded) after they have grown too strong and independent from working for others. I used to work 2 jobs (day and night) and pulled 90 hour work weeks and both jobs (college teacher and security guard) had a lot of heavy responsibilities and pressure to balance. That being said,
it's even harder to try and build a business from the dirt up.
You say "I cringe at the thought of being under someone else's control since I'm insufficient."
This is not a reason to try and start your own business nor is it good enough to call yourself disabled. This is a characteristic you need to overcome personally. You think you are insufficient to do a job? How can you expect to work from home and keep yourself on task, motivated and organize your legal paperwork and taxes?
No, you need to build your confidence. If you really are insufficient and debilitated the answer is not to sit around on our tax dollars, you need to work at yourself; become stronger.
I've seen men with no legs get up and run races! I've seen people who were never going to walk again, walk again. Van Gogh struggled with extreme depression and insanity. Beethoven was nearly deaf and he was still composing! Def Leopard's drummer has only one arm! There's a guy with down syndrome who runs his own restaurant. There are people in wheel chairs playing basket ball! There are people with no arms who put a pen in their mouths and draw/paint beautiful pictures. Even a friend of mine works hard at being a graphic designer despite the fact that he's 100% colorblind. You think you are debilitated to the point where you can't function, you have been taught wrong because our history was built by people with missing limbs and grenade damage and birth defects and pain but they all had one thing in common: They didn't give up and accept that they were no good.
Whatever you think is holding you back, it's only holding you back because you think it is. If you want to start a business you had better be doing it from a position of strength and independence, not fragile and debilitated. That is my advice; you don't like it, you don't have to take it. But I think you can do better for yourself than giving up and accepting your insufficiency.
watch this video and ask if you think you are more disabled than this guy
