Femininity and Autism

[KateB1819]

I've been reading about autism, specifically autism in girls. And it makes me feel kinda isolated. I do have a lot of typical signs of autism, but I'm also pretty feminine in personality. I love gossip, intimacy, clothes, etc. It seems this is really rare for an aspie. Ultimately I'm me and I'm comfortable with that, but I'm wondering if anyone else relates or has a theory about why I'm like this? I do have some "masculine" hobbies too, but it just seems sterotypical femininity and autism don't go together.

 

[Progster]

The idea that girls on the spectrum are usually tomboys and not very feminine is a stereotype, just as the idea that girls like fashion, clothes and love to gossip is also a stereotype. People with autism come in all sorts of personalities, with all sorts of interests - there's no one way to be autistic just as there's no one way to be a girl. A lot of girls of the spectrum might indeed prefer more masculine pursuits, but certainly not all. As they say, when you have met one person with autism, you have met one person with autism.

 

[Monachopia]

I'm on the tomboy side of things, but as @Progster said, we all come in different flavours! Autism affects more our social skills and emotional expression, but personal tastes, hobbies and other things like that vary a lot

When I say tomboy, I mean interests and mannerisms. I dress in black, but always have a skirt. I love makeup - but only because it's artistic I guess, painting my face is fun and distracts from how ugly I am.

 

[Autistamatic]

I know some very "girlie-girls" on Twitter who are highly active in autism circles. I know some tomboy types too, straight ones, gay ones, something else ones... As said - it's a stereotype, nothing more. The longer we keep putting our views out there and demonstrating our diversity, the more those stereotypes will fade. It just takes time...

 

[Suzanne]

I am seeing a therapist who is an expert in autism and so far, he said that things are pointing to me having autism, which caused my husband to say: but we are wanting to find if she has aspergers. The therapist replied that autism is on a wide spectrum now.

In one way, I am very feminine. But this is actually fun, because I love to see the reaction on people's faces, when I pick up worms and other creatures and not frightened of spiders or mice etc.

To me, being feminine is about taking care of how one looks. I love pretty things, but then again, am not into frilly things. I barely wear make up. In fact, don't wear any now. I have no perfumes ( the smells put me off).

If one was to look in my bag, they would only see survival things, as that is what is on my mind when going out.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Not only do I like fashion, clothes and gossip but I'm also an autistic guy.

Other than that I'm totally not feminine at all *whips hair back*. At all. Oh my god my cuticles are a mess...

 

[Sarah S]

Im whats comenly known as a Girly Girl according to my friends and family members BUT i also have some (more then one ) Manly interests so as been stated above JUST because you have Asperger or ASD in any form and as a woman DONT mean you cant be Feminine and al that. What we have to understand in this so called lists of portrayed features of whats Asperger in this case are and how they are its NOT ment as you have to have AL the traits dear its a list of common trait of wimen with said diagnosis and NOONE have them al. And its defenetly NOT a guide on how you need to be with Asperger my dear. I certainly dont fit in to AL said features for women with Aspergers MANY yes AL to many in fact ( Giggles ) but NOT al. This as any other NSD diagnosis are HIGHLY individual my dear we share some traits yes but other than that id say noone is exactly the same as the next with same diagnose .

 

[Tom]

I think something in our makeup makes us less predictable in certain aspects, including what are commonly considered male and female traits.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I've seen quite a few autistic women on the more girly side. I consider myself a mix between tomboy and girly. The whole tomboy thing is a stereotype that has some truth to it, but it's still just a stereotype nonetheless.

 

[GrownupGirl]

I'm definitely not a girly-girl, but when I was very young not only did I not mind wearing dresses, but once I wanted to wear *only* dresses. In the summer my mom once had to convince me that swimming in a bathing suit instead was much better. It was because I knew they were something were supposed to wear, and I did not want to be mistaken for a boy ever because they were yucky. But when I realized that other girls wore pants and I didn't think they looked like boys so I started wearing them, too.

 

[Gracey]

I can do both if I have to.

Not to the extremes of some stereotypical girly-girls ...think ‘Ladies Day’ At Aintree Race Course,
Surgery, fillers, Botox, nails, lashes, hair pieces and extensions.
And that’s before the application of colour over the whole body,
handbags that cost the equivalent of buying and insuring a cheap, older small car ...
... but I could learn if I thought it essential.

I’m quite liking this era of fluid gender, not identifying as one or the other - in dress sense and appearance.
All of a sudden I’m trendy woo hoo

Like I say,
I can turn it on when I believe it’s essential.

 

[Mia]

And it makes me feel kinda isolated. I do have a lot of typical signs of autism, but I'm also pretty feminine in personality. I love gossip, intimacy, clothes, etc. It seems this is really rare for an aspie.

I did too when I was your age. It was something that was easy to emulate, and some aspie women tend to take on many different roles throughout their lives, like chameleons. It is something of a mask, in itself, the clothing and makeup and hairstyles that we take on. It's an identity and one of many that we try on like clothes, during our lifetime.
Much like any teenager, early on we can be somewhat influenced by relatives, friends, music and fashion. And some like games, sports, reading, movies, computers, science, art. There's no specific way to be as an aspie. Much of what you mention is how I learned about people and the world. There is such a thing as an extroverted aspie, and introverted ones as well. Those aspects of self change during our lives.

 

[Isadoorian]

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[Ken S.]

I'm on the tomboy side of things, but as @Progster said, we all come in different flavours! Autism affects more our social skills and emotional expression, but personal tastes, hobbies and other things like that vary a lot

When I say tomboy, I mean interests and mannerisms. I dress in black, but always have a skirt. I love makeup - but only because it's artistic I guess, painting my face is fun and distracts from how ugly I am.

Why would you consider yourself ugly? I would hope it is not because of what others have said.

 

[Monachopia]

Why would you consider yourself ugly? I would hope it is not because of what others have said.

Probably, I was heavily teased when I was a child, I guess that developed body dysmorphia, so I detest my face/body completely. I find it hard to look in the mirror.

 

[Isadoorian]

If you ever need someone to talk to, I'd be happy to lend an ear; I myself have self esteem issues regarding those 2 areas as well

 

[Misery]

I can do both if I have to.

I’m quite liking this era of fluid gender, not identifying as one or the other - in dress sense and appearance.
All of a sudden I’m trendy woo hoo

Like I say,
I can turn it on when I believe it’s essential.

Aye, same here. I'm male, but about as masculine as a flower. Granted my heavily sarcastic personality and acidic tone don't always match that, but whatever. I tend to go for an androgynous appearance, but it's a bit much in the way of effort sometimes. I get mistaken for a girl every now and then.

And yeah, I've done crossdressing and such, but only at conventions really. The only really safe environment to do that sort of thing, even though it's all costumes instead of normal clothes (though really, normal clothes are really boring anyway).


I tend to think that we on the spectrum are kinda all over the place, when it comes to gender stuffs. Why that is, I have no idea, but that's the conclusion I've come to after much observation. There may be stereotypes, but they're just that: stereotypes. The actual truth is usually quite a bit different.

I really wish though that more people would just be themselves, instead of trying to fit in the bloody stupid boxes that society creates. That'd be way less boring.

 

[Ken S.]

Probably, I was heavily teased when I was a child, I guess that developed body dysmorphia, so I detest my face/body completely. I find it hard to look in the mirror.

It makes me sad you feel that way. I too was teased and bullied as a child and was beat by my father on a regular basis, after my mothers death have been disowned by my family. I don't let it affect me and look at it as their loss. I hope one day you can find the inner strength to overcome these feelings. There is not a single perfect person on this earth. Much peace to you.

 

[china autie]

Some autistic girls and women like fashion and stuff and that is cool!

May you always be you.

 

[Pats]

I was more of a tomboy growing up - but it's possible that someone who affects us greatly can influence our tastes and behavior. I hung around my brother most the time, While my 2 sisters washed dishes every night, my brother and I fueled the dozer. I liked long dresses, but wore boys high top tennis shoes with the dress. I loved playing with hotwheels, but also liked my Barbie and paper dolls - never liked baby dolls and playing house. My brother was well liked and funny and he's the one I used to mimic throughout school. So naturally that's going to make me appear more tomboyish. Although, as a teen I really wasn't interested in all the girly things and hated the high pitched shrills and giggles being around other girls. I got along better with the guys and they also liked me because they would say I was different. But I do remember this one boyfriend I had for several years, and I think the thing I liked most being around him was how his masculinity made me feel very feminine and I liked it.