Feeling or Acting Younger ??

[Progster]

I'm 47 but I really don't feel any different inside to what I felt when I was 16... or younger, even.

 

[SusanLR]

I have no intentions of leaving home. I want to be there for my mom, and truthfully, I don't feel I'd manage very well on my own at this point in my life. After all, with 3 jobs, who has TIME to take care of their own place, even if they wanted to?

I never wanted the usual grow up, be on your own, have your own family, kids etc. either.
Those urges just never happened.
People have always said I look younger than my actual age. And I act it too.
I still see the world through the wonder of a child, while being able to see things in depth too.
I lived my way, how I wanted.
As I told someone on chat last night: "I'm 61 going on 20."
I would still be living at home if my parents were alive.
They didn't support me financially either. I always worked.
I miss that way of life terribly.

 

[WereBear]

When I was 40, I was carded when I ordered a drink at lunch. That was a couple of decades ago, but I still don’t look the way my peers do.

So I couldn't wait to be an adult.

Likewise. I had a chaotic teenhood, my parents had troubles, and I could not wait to get out on my own; keeping a job and apartment was far less stress than what I experienced having no control over my life.

One of the things my friends like about me is how I am so enthused about things, and I can communicate this to other people and get them excited too. Heck, Tony Robbins is a huge grownup success doing that.

 

[Tom]

Some of my main interests are unchanged from childhood (ie. collecting toy soldiers). But physically I most definately feel my age +.

 

[paloftoon]

Sorry that this post is negative sounding, but I aim for truth and here are my personal thoughts.

In some ways, I will always be a kid, but I try to balance out enough grown up responsibilities so that I can maintain myself. Independence and intelligence, and also a physical body are all potentially attractive features in a person.

You can continue to live with your parents, but you want to aim to be your own person too if you can. There is something liberating about being able to decide more about what you can eat and when you get leave and get up to go do this or that and manage everything on your own when you live on your own.

Living with your parents subjects you to being treated like a child, but usually in a way that is what your parents want since it is under their roof. There's a lot of pride and responsibility that comes with maintaining one's own home.

You are right about your parents that they should ultimately let you decide how to handle yourself.

While it's good to be more free form with some things, it's better to be rigid and responsible for other things. For every person, it can be different and takes time. I hope that you won't simply see life as that you should be able to be a child in an adult body and aim for more balanced sophistication, especially if given the opportunity. It's how we all grow and live a more quality, prosperous life.

 

[Pats]

My brother and I have a similar relationship to that of yours. He's almost 4 years younger, yet is the more "responsible" one. Don't get me wrong, I'm not irresponsible...after all, I have a Bachelor's in Social Work and three jobs in the human services field, and I just bought a car...however, my brother has had his own house for 2 years, works as an engineer and has a lot of supervisory duties at times, and is WAY better with managing money than I am. I still live at home. While I manage to pay all my bills, and even save here and there, I still struggle with impulse spending. My brother helps me out here and there, such as when I need to borrow money (I make sure to pay him back), or for moral support, such as when I went to purchase said car. I do the same for him when he needs a hand with things. It's symbiotic, and we're very close

I have come a long way. I completed a debt resolution program 4 years ago, and have managed to bring my credit score up to the 700s. I used to let people walk all over me, and while I admit it is still difficult to tell a wolf in sheep's clothing, have brought myself to end an abusive friendship about 10 years ago. I'm still not a very assertive person, however I have learned to be more careful and not let others overstep my boundaries. Overall, I have just learned more about the world, and how to be more open-minded. I'm not as naive as I used to be.

So, all of that said, in a nutshell, my brother looks out for me, despite the fact I'm the oldest. He just happened to be ready for independence before me, and that's ok. Since my dad's recent passing, I have no intentions of leaving home. I want to be there for my mom, and truthfully, I don't feel I'd manage very well on my own at this point in my life. After all, with 3 jobs, who has TIME to take care of their own place, even if they wanted to? I know I don't, nor do I have the energy! Working full-time overnights, plus part-time and relief tires me out! It's all worth it, though

I'm glad you both have that kind of relationship with your brothers. I always kept my only brother on a pedestal, even though he always looked down on me. After working as a nurse for over 10 years I stopped by to show him a new car I was test driving and feeling very proud because it was the first NEW car for me. He told me I didn't need a new car, it would just make me want to go places. He built a small cheap house and talked me into renting it. I told him I didn't want to because the rent payment and bills were too much and it would be all I could do to pay those things. He said I was used to not having anything anyway. Anyway, he talked me into renting the house and I was in it over 10 year or until my last child was still at home and we moved into a cheaper apartment. The house was built so cheap there was constantly things falling apart and he'd never fix anything, saying he would have to charge more rent if I expected him to make upgrades. When I moved out my daughter wanted to rent with a possibility of buying the house. He did charge them a higher rent but still never fixed anything. They made a lot of repairs to the house and had it really nice. They've been in it over 10 years and my oldest son had to go over with his paid help and replace all the receptacles because they had become a fire danger and my brother would not fix it. The ac has been out for 2 years but my daughter never complained. So a couple months ago they got a notice from my brother giving them 30 days to move out because he wanted to sell the house. My daughter being 8 months pregnant with 3 other little ones and a few dogs gives them less options in finding something else, especially in 30 days. I asked my brother to give them more time and to let them have the baby before asking them to move. He sent them a 9 month lease saying if they would repair the ac/heating unit along with any other repairs that come up he would give them another 9 months. They had expected a reasonable lease and waited 3 weeks on him to send it. So when they received it and refused to fix the ac they ended up with 7 days to move out. I literally pleaded with him to give them more time. He stuck to the original date and my daughter ended up in the hospital with kidney stones from being dehydrated from working too hard in the heat and the pain was causing contractions and they were trying to keep her from having the baby early. They have temporarily moved in with my other son. But I have never felt so let down by anyone in my life. Needless to say he made a giant leap off that pedestal and I told him to never call me or talk to me ever again. I'm so disappointed to have my eyes opened to what he really is. So I have pretty much orphaned myself. Strangely enough, I feel fine about him no longer being in my life.

 

[Alis1998]

My brother and I have a similar relationship to that of yours. He's almost 4 years younger, yet is the more "responsible" one. Don't get me wrong, I'm not irresponsible...after all, I have a Bachelor's in Social Work and three jobs in the human services field, and I just bought a car...however, my brother has had his own house for 2 years, works as an engineer and has a lot of supervisory duties at times, and is WAY better with managing money than I am. I still live at home. While I manage to pay all my bills, and even save here and there, I still struggle with impulse spending. My brother helps me out here and there, such as when I need to borrow money (I make sure to pay him back), or for moral support, such as when I went to purchase said car. I do the same for him when he needs a hand with things. It's symbiotic, and we're very close

I have come a long way. I completed a debt resolution program 4 years ago, and have managed to bring my credit score up to the 700s. I used to let people walk all over me, and while I admit it is still difficult to tell a wolf in sheep's clothing, have brought myself to end an abusive friendship about 10 years ago. I'm still not a very assertive person, however I have learned to be more careful and not let others overstep my boundaries. Overall, I have just learned more about the world, and how to be more open-minded. I'm not as naive as I used to be.

So, all of that said, in a nutshell, my brother looks out for me, despite the fact I'm the oldest. He just happened to be ready for independence before me, and that's ok. Since my dad's recent passing, I have no intentions of leaving home. I want to be there for my mom, and truthfully, I don't feel I'd manage very well on my own at this point in my life. After all, with 3 jobs, who has TIME to take care of their own place, even if they wanted to? I know I don't, nor do I have the energy! Working full-time overnights, plus part-time and relief tires me out! It's all worth it, though

As long as you are happy !
Everyone deserves that.
I dont think you are irisponsible because you havent learned how to do certain things fully yet, I think it is actually great that you are working on it ! Also it is great that your brother and you go along so well.
Sadly that isnt nessarly the case with me and my brother. He is a very distance person. So small talk is okay but a whole conversation cant happend.

 

[SusanLR]

While it's good to be more free form with some things, it's better to be rigid and responsible for other things. For every person, it can be different and takes time. I hope that you won't simply see life as that you should be able to be a child in an adult body and aim for more balanced sophistication, especially if given the opportunity. It's how we all grow and live a more quality, prosperous life.

I don't find your post negative sounding, but, for self purposes, it is interesting.
By the age of 13, I knew none of the usual automatic urges that happen with most people that create
the desire to leave home were happening with me.
I also realised it was a roll of the dice to live the way I was happy, not alone or with someone else.
Versus that in this choice if I outlived my parents (odds are in that favor), I would have a heck of a time
facing when that day came.

I was wondering what you mean by aiming for a more balanced sophistication and live a more
quality, prosperous life?
I read the words literally so I don't know if I get the true meaning.
Sophisticated as in societal admirations?
Quality? To me quality meant being contented.
Prosperous? Money wise?
Just trying to understand.

As an adult being on your own could mean total freedom to make your own decisions, I can understand
that. But, if you grow and decide to have a mate and children, that is a paramutual living.
Can't really do anything without having the others in mind and consideration.
My parents never tried to control me after I was an adult. I lived as I wanted.

I guess I had enough admiration of body and sophistication as a model in my 20's.
And prosperous enough to pay my way as a pharmacist.
I was too generous and in the end most of it was spent on taking care of my parents.
Much as many spend their earnings on family and children.
That was the worst mistake I made. Not financially planning for my retirement years.
That now creates a difficult time in life.
My word to those who live their life at home: Financial Planning!

 

[paloftoon]

I don't find your post negative sounding, but, for self purposes, it is interesting.
. . .

I was wondering what you mean by aiming for a more balanced sophistication and live a more
quality, prosperous life?
I read the words literally so I don't know if I get the true meaning.
Sophisticated as in societal admirations?
Quality? To me quality meant being contented.
Prosperous? Money wise?
Just trying to understand.

As an adult being on your own could mean total freedom to make your own decisions, I can understand that. But, if you grow and decide to have a mate and children, that is a paramutual living.
Can't really do anything without having the others in mind and consideration.
My parents never tried to control me after I was an adult. I lived as I wanted.

. . .
My word to those who live their life at home: Financial Planning!

I'm glad you're asking all these questions, because it clarifies what I was trying to say.

Balanced sophistication meaning yes, societal admirations to potentially attract a quality individual if you want to date. Even if you don't want to be around people, you still need to be able to interact with them enough to survive in this world, and having a grace where you can depend on yourself at least and not always another family member will help because another family member may not always be around.

What I meant by quality is not just being content, but being content in a way where you appreciate yourself and maximize appreciating the things around you. Depending on your parents too much can put you in a bubble and make you scared of things that you should deal with rather than shy away from such as going through a bad neighborhood. If you have an event you want to go to in a bad neighborhood, you should still consider going but maybe with a friend or only during the day sort of thing. Also, if you were not able to live within your means in a more affluent area, you'd have to learn how to be in a more grittier neighborhood. There are good people in grittier neighborhoods too. So, one should not automatically discriminate based on the area one lives in. It is totally okay to be more cautious and get to know a person with such a big difference meeting them in a public place. It is one of those generally unspoken things because if you talk about it to a person who is on a different level than you, you could incite unnecessary anger or distrust. People's tolerance levels matter as well.

I did try to also try to imply that being content referred to being prosperous and financially stable as well.

With having a family, I was trying to imply independent living on your own or paramutual living with your own family. If you're content with living with your parents for your entire life, I would definitely recommend not trying to start a family.
Also, to add to this, my parents have controlled and tried to control me in some ways. They care about me, but not without strings. It was difficult as this kind of control and negativity affected my behavior inappropriately. I didn't have the best friendship network It is now pretty decent and started happenstance around the time I was building my life up sociologically. People around me that I was starting to get to know had great intentions to tell me that I should move into an apartment and do everything independently as I was making enough to do so. It didn't make sense for me to do that because there were already things in my name, and I was setup in a way that I could still maintain my own life with a certain quality. And since my parents cared about me, it's not like I should not allow them to visit me. If I was disrespected after repeatedly advising them kindly not to treat me that way or call me dumb, I figured out on my own the best way to make a statement besides ignoring is to get up and leave myself for several hours rather than ask either one to leave as in a way, my home is also their home. I have them to thank, so I need to respect that, but I need to respect myself too. This was not easy for me to figure out, but maybe this will help others.

 

[paloftoon]

As for if you eventually want to start your own family but you live with your family the entire time and not try to be a more independent person, (because it is not attractive to try to date a person and do romantic things with family around generally speaking basically) then maybe go gay if you aren't

 

[OkRad]

I had pdd. Many with aut/asp do I never knew I wasn't experiencing things like an adult. I had to substitute intellectual understanding of the adult world for experiencing it. Works ok..often I am more mature than the "adults" who go around harming each other and making policies that make no sense! Adulthood without thought is worse than pdd with lots of thought and work. It only bothers me when I get sick or high stess and can't do do well then

 

[SusanLR]

As for if you eventually want to start your own family but you live with your family the entire time and not try to be a more independent person, (because it is not attractive to try to date a person and do romantic things with family around generally speaking basically) then maybe go gay if you aren't

Thanks for those clarifications.
It expressed the intentions of your original post clearly and got alot of your inner ideas out.
Mostly it is common sense that you are conveying.

As far as the dating and starting a family, it would most certainly be wise to know you are independent
enough before doing so.
Looks for admiration are as they say, in the eye of the beholder.
I just never had the desire for marriage or children.
I enjoyed the company of a romantic relation, but that was as far as it went.
Being romantic-asexual doesn't interfere with having this type of relationship when you find another who
understands or has the same orientation.
Living in the same house as my parents didn't interfere either as they didn't try to control my life as an adult. Going gay didn't attract me either.

As stated, I've only myself to blame for not planning financially for retirement.
Using it all towards my parents end of life medical and financial needs.
Not leaving enough for myself now that they are gone.

Not feeling comfortable living with others is just a part of my personality.
Always has been and at my age, now without my parents, I can see it always will be. (probably)
Unless someone comes into my life that proves me wrong.

 

[Sid Delicious]

I look younger, but have always felt older and had older friends/partners as a result. As a child I had a lot of responsibilities looking out for my younger siblings/cousins, so perhaps that affected my perspective a bit. I couldn't wait to be an adult and get a house, career, husband, travel, and do 'grown up' things. It all seemed very exciting to me. I was never much good at doing as I was told and I wanted the freedom to make my own decisions. I moved abroad on my own at 15, so being independent and relying on myself was never an issue for me.

I get hit on more these days by younger guys who think I'm still in my 20s (they say), but I'm not sure if they are just being nice and I've actually reached 'cougar' age! Unfortunately, I've never been interested in younger men, otherwise my dating life would be amazing right now!

I would however describe my sense of humour and energy levels as younger than my age. I also find children very entertaining and I'm the first one to volunteer Lego playing duties when I'm hanging out with friends/family with tiny people.

 

[sabrdawg]

One good thing is that my mom doesn't try to control me, nor did my dad. The only thing they've been on me about is my spending and saving habits, which is for good reason. I got into debt in college and completed a debt resolution plan by the time I was 31. I still tend to overspend, and I hadn't been saving. I've been starting to get better at both. Other than that, I'm free to come and go where and when I please. I've never had a curfew, even in my teens. I have never been interested in activities that can get me into trouble, so it's never been a concern. As for dating, I'm aromantic asexual, so I've never been interested in that, either. I have simple pleasures, like video games, shopping, and movies I mostly hang with my mom and my brother, and my friends, of course! We do things like those I mentioned above. I think I have a good balance between responsibility and living carefree.

 

[Nellie]

I'm a bit younger than the rest of you guys who have posted already... but I'm 15 and act like I'm MUCH younger. I still love LEGO, have a collection of 72 colouring books (the collection is still growing), and lots more! I don't do a lot of stuff typical 15 year old girls do... But lots of people think I'm like 10 years older than I really am because I'm 5'10 and I just look older.

 

[DCA]

Age is just a number. I don't "feel" any age personally.

 

[Reu]

Yes! I feel much younger than I am. As I’ve gotten older I look in the mirror and I feel like the guy I see isn’t the one that fits my mental picture of myself. I think it was about high school when I felt like everyone around me ‘outgrew’ me. Like everyone moves on to this next stage that I can’t seem to reach. I don’t feel like I’m immature but I don’t feel like my age.

 

[Misery]

I"m 36, I apparently look about 23. And honestly my mental state hasnt really changed since probably 11 or so. I'm still referred to as a "kid" by LOTS of people.

The bad part of it is the viewpoint that it gives me. With essentially a childlike mind, but technically a part of the adult world, I often notice alot of things about it that are just... ugh. Like, the idea of fun. Most adults, their idea of "fun" is endless stupid gossip, or perhaps drinking themselves stupid. Stupider, anyway. Or there's the conversations they have. Uuugh. I cant even listen to that crap... the mindless, brainmelting drivel that they often drone on and on about. Half of it is just gossip about what so-and-so did and blah blah blah, and the other half is... politics. I dont know how to make a word sound really disgusting via text, so imagine me dragging it out and making a bunch of gross choking noises while coughing up a pile of centipedes or something to emphasize that one.

Or they just watch TV all the bloody time. Never anything interesting, either. I mean they COULD watch things that are creative, or unique, or that make you think. Sounds good, yeah? But no, they'd rather watch the latest news about what Senator Asshat did so that they have more crap to complain about in their next political yammerfest. Being productive like that, that's what's important as an adult, right?

I shudder to think that I could have been like that. Ugh. I feel like I dodged a cruise missile. Which was covered in bees.


And of course the other side of it is how they view things. I'd rather do stuff that's fun and stimulating and actually requires some freaking thought. But no. Those things are for "kids". Come stare blankly at the screen as we watch these idiots argue about some celebrity scandal on the TV instead, that's MATURITY for you.

Did I mention "ugh" yet?

My parents at least are totally accepting of my childish nature... they're not the ones I run into problems with. But in so many other situations... yep.

But whatever. I'll just stay over here, playing around, exploring, and making high-pitched squeaking noises at my dog, thanks.

 

[SusanLR]

I never had any problem with my parents accepting me either.
But, yes, others notice and sometimes say things.
Try living with an elderly person who thinks Politics, the dailey newspaper and watching TV shows on
how to fix cars is "The Life."
Then there is the gossip about what the neighbor's are doing.

When I do go to lunch or something with someone there's more gossip about the hot stud doctor
she knows, how her latest eyebrow sculpting is so great it saves half an hour's time putting on her
make-up and what a deal on those ragged shorts with holes all through them she found for only $40.00.
You get the picture.

Older women are all about "Let me tell you about my grandkids."
One women on the block caught me out in the yard one day and ask if I had kids because she never sees
anyone coming to visit.
I said no, I never married and have no kids.
She said: "But, you do have grandchildren, don't you?"
Yeah, I adopted some a few years ago.

Hey, that's their world, but, it just isn't mine.
So much of what is important to the mature adults I never experienced, so I can't relate.
I seemed to stop emotional maturity around puberty.
I'll just raise butterflys, superworms for my frogs and sit with them by the pool in the evening.

 

[Aspychata]

So l asked this lady if she had any hints for me because l am on my third interview. And l sorta chortled that l am nervous. She said you are acting like a kid and you are a grown lady! She has no idea l am on the spectrum at all. Have you been accused of juvenile behaviors?!?

Sometimes random bursts of emotions side-swipe me. Duct tape my mouth then, omg.