Feeling like an imposter

[Boggle]

Hello. I was recently diagnosed with asd after thinking for quite a while it might be the case. I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist in a one-off session. The psychiatrist does specialize in autism. So why am I having so much trouble feeling like I’m allowed to consider myself autistic?? Could she be wrong? Could we both be wrong? Was she not thorough enough?

Autism makes so much sense to me. I have a close relative with it and my son is being assessed too. But I don’t think anyone meeting me would think I was autistic. I feel like a fraud. I find myself over thinking it all and wondering if I’ve somehow made it all up, but I haven’t.

I feel like I’m noticing things about me all the time now. Sometimes that’s really helpful, eg I’m starting to see sometimes why there is communication breakdown or why I’m getting angry. I’ve been able to ask my partner to just tell me what they need instead of being indirect. But I feel like I have so much to learn about how this label fits with the way I am. I want to learn more. I’m not getting any follow up with the psychiatrist and I’m too embarrassed to go talk to anyone else.

I don’t know if it’s relevant or worth telling anyone. Feels like I’d be coming out all over again!

Sorry for the ramble, I just needed somewhere to share thoughts and feelings. Open to hearing any similar experiences/comments. Thanks for reading

 

[BrokenBoy]

When I read the title I was reminded of Among Us.

 

[SimonSays]

Could she be wrong? Could we both be wrong?

Yes and no.

It is a label. A description. An opinion. A way of explaining a collection of traits. An attempt to describe something far more complex than anyone ever can...you.

For some it answers questions. For others it raises doubts. You don't have to fit any profile or it be obvious for everyone to see. You are still you. You always will be.

 

[Thinx]

Actually getting incorrectly diagnosed as an autie wasn't a crime last time I checked, so even if that happened you'd be in the clear. The psych saw and perhaps from access to your notes had other evidence, so probably just use the diagnosis as a guide and keep finding out more about how this could be useful to you in understanding some of how you are. It's helpful to see what strategies you can use if you assume it's autism, rather than keep trying to behave neurotypically.

As has been said, you are you, this hasn't changed anything about you, except given you an area to explore and see if some of the ideas and strategies around are useful. Like asking your partner to be clear, I ve done that too, it does help, doesn't it? I also gave up on trying to get better at unstructured social communication. Not gonna happen. Understanding why you need downtime. Etc.

Female Aspies often don't fit the criteria so neatly, or fully, because they were designed around men, and female socialisation does err towards encouraging masking, we try to listen and accommodate others. We learn more basics of social skills, at least in terms of how they look.

Anyway, Neurodivergence also isn't a crime, it's a spectrum, we are all different, there's room for you even if you're not, er a typical neurodivergent. Tee hee.

 

[unperson]

Doubts are normal for a few years. Welcome to the club.

 

[Raggamuffin]

When I was in the midst of years of health anxiety I'd go to GP's and hospitals whenever I was getting new aches, pains and symptoms relating to stress.

They'd examine me, do tests etc. and every time they'd tell me that I was ok - and that it was due to anxiety.

It took me over 5 years to finally believe them. Stubborn is an understatement - and when doubt and worries etc are in play, it can be difficult to accept diagnosis from professionals.

Ed

 

[Neonatal RRT]

In the not-so-distant future, I believe we will have enough information to do much of this diagnosing via neuroimaging studies,...and it will clear up much of this skepticism and confusion. After many years of foggy research, only recently has the imaging technologies have a high enough resolution to be useful for ASD diagnosis and enough meta-data been collected to identify the structural and functional characteristics of the autistic brain. I would jump at the opportunity to do a set of neuroimaging studies on my brain.

In the mean time,...we are kind of stuck with psychological interviews and functional testing.

 

[OkRad]

agree with @Neonatal RRT Right now we are stabbing in the dark.

Genetics are fuzzy because most do not cause a thing. Rather it is the environment that can trigger something, maybe good and maybe bad , about a gene. That whole thing fell flat fast. For instance, there is a gene that just sits there. Without breastmilk the baby has a lower IQ, but with breastmilk, it flies into the genius range. (FADS2)

We have fMRIs but they can be tricky because they can do away with subjective experience which is so much of what we are.

Further, they can catch lies which some people may not even be aware they are telling. Then there could be bad readers and states could use it to force people into God knows what.

"Are you hearing voices, Mr X?" "Ummm NO!" "The machine says you are here. Bend over for another shot."

"Are you in love with your wife, Mr P?" "Of course!" "Machine says no....." (it can show parts of the brain that light up for love, etc.

"When we show you this picture of the person you claim not to have had an affair with, we see your brain lights up on that area!"

"You say you were not at the scene of the crime, but lookie here......LIGHTS UP!"

Maybe someone THOUGHT they were at the scene of a crime, like OCD. Maybe someone fell in love with someone but did NOT have an affair. Maybe someone misinterprets the question and they are hearing the voices of the tester.

Scariest of all : "So, Mr X. Do you love the state and will be loyal to the tyrant forever and ever? Ohhhhh dear.....no lights......."

 

[Aspychata]

agree with @Neonatal RRT Right now we are stabbing in the dark.

Genetics are fuzzy because most do not cause a thing. Rather it is the environment that can trigger something, maybe good and maybe bad , about a gene. That whole thing fell flat fast. For instance, there is a gene that just sits there. Without breastmilk the baby has a lower IQ, but with breastmilk, it flies into the genius range. (FADS2)

We have fMRIs but they can be tricky because they can do away with subjective experience which is so much of what we are.

Further, they can catch lies which some people may not even be aware they are telling. Then there could be bad readers and states could use it to force people into God knows what.

"Are you hearing voices, Mr X?" "Ummm NO!" "The machine says you are here. Bend over for another shot."

"Are you in love with your wife, Mr P?" "Of course!" "Machine says no....." (it can show parts of the brain that light up for love, etc.

"When we show you this picture of the person you claim not to have had an affair with, we see your brain lights up on that area!"

"You say you were not at the scene of the crime, but lookie here......LIGHTS UP!"

Maybe someone THOUGHT they were at the scene of a crime, like OCD. Maybe someone fell in love with someone but did NOT have an affair. Maybe someone misinterprets the question and they are hearing the voices of the tester.

Scariest of all : "So, Mr X. Do you love the state and will be loyal to the tyrant forever and ever? Ohhhhh dear.....no lights......."

Hahaha
Maybe you should be writing screen plays. l am still giggling.

Truthfully, we kinda, gotta, haveta dx ourself. Most med techs don't have the time to fully diagnose us. You look, you google, you think, then you finally realised what little hole you fit in. Except that autism is a giant octpus peg hole and you can slide around a bit like a crazy fun carnival ride until you find what peg black and white specs you fit. Autism has different levels and different malfunctioning areas with a few exemplary ones just to trick you to thinking you won the lottery when you didn't. Of course that made zero sense, and therefore is the basis of my arguments.

 

[OkRad]

Hahaha
Maybe you should be writing screen plays. l am still giggling.

Truthfully, we kinda, gotta, haveta dx ourself. Most med tecs don't have the time to fully diagnose us. You look, you google, you think, then you finally realised what little hole you fit in. Except that autism is a giant octpus peg hole and you can slide around a bit like a crazy fun carnival ride until you find what peg black and white specs you fit. Autism has different levels and different malfunctioning areas with a few exemplary ones just to trick you to thinking you won the lottery when you didn't. Of course that made zero sense, and therefore is the basis of my arguments.

This was just plain ol' brilliant. The idea you think you won the lottery and BOOM, nope. And it's all slippery and who is what and who thinks what and why did I think this was good when it's not but why don't they give my the DX and oh, the just did for the third time, but now who will get a hold of that and why isn't my life any better................

No matter what, still waiting for those UFOs to come and say hi.

 

[The Lorax]

Autism is a genetic condition that makes a person different than the average human with communications and social skills. Some people have it mild and compensate with other skills never knowing they have it. Sometimes it's mild and they struggle, sometimes it's obvious, sometimes it is severe the person can't survive on their own. But just because it doesn't seem obvious doesn't mean you do or don't have it. Only you know how you are. Unless you can plant your soul, using that word metaphorically here, into many people's bodies and get an average of what typical is.

It's better to know then not to. Once you know you can train the parts that are lacking and get better medication treatments for any comorbities.

 

[Fino]

Read a book or two about it!

 

[Finder]

Read this: Acceptance as a Well Being Practice