Feeling extremely low again

[tree]

It seems like you experience going out as a
competitive sport.

 

[Markness]

It seems like you experience going out as a
competitive sport.

I get this feeling that I need to do more than I normally do or I am wasting time and only getting what I’ve always gotten.

 

[tree]

It sounds like you're so busy trying to *win*
that the idea of just having a pleasant outing
falls by the wayside.

 

[Markness]

It sounds like you're so busy trying to *win*
that the idea of just having a pleasant outing
falls by the wayside.

I just really fear that my life will just keep repeating what usually happens to me socially.

 

[tree]

Yes, you do hold on to that idea.

Maybe the repetitions continue because while
outer drapings may change, your behavior
and expectations remain the same....

 

[Markness]

Yes, you do hold on to that idea.

Maybe the repetitions continue because while
outer drapings may change, your behavior
and expectations remain the same....

I just don’t know how to not compare myself with my siblings, cousins, and others I know or have seen successfully find intimate connections. Do I just need to tell myself I’ll never achieve what they have until my mind finally accepts being alone for the rest of my life?

 

[Azeth]

Do I just need to tell myself I’ll never achieve what they have until my mind finally accepts being alone for the rest of my life?

I'd not take such a pessimistic approach, but you have the general idea.

How could I put this...

Try looking at it this way: "What my siblings and cousins have achieved, doesn't affect my life. I am happy for them and hope the best. Whether I end up finding someone, or not. I know I am capable of many things. I'll focus on these successes."

It's all about mindset. Comparing yourself to others, convinces you to believe things that are likely false. If you don't put energy into comparisons, you'll find more peace and comfortably within yourself. Just an idea.

 

[Judge]

I just don’t know how to not compare myself with my siblings, cousins, and others I know or have seen successfully find intimate connections. Do I just need to tell myself I’ll never achieve what they have until my mind finally accepts being alone for the rest of my life?

Don't even try to compare yourself to Neurotypical counterparts, whether they are friends or blood relatives. You can interact with them the best you can, but you can never actually be them neurologically speaking.

That it's toxic for you to constantly compare their circumstances to your own. And probably equally toxic for you to remain so closely within their social orbit, so their circumstances constantly contaminate your own perspectives and social objectives.

You have to follow life on your terms and on your path of discovery. -Not theirs.

 

[Markness]

I'd not take such a pessimistic approach, but you have the general idea.

How could I put this...

Try looking at it this way: "What my siblings and cousins have achieved, doesn't affect my life. I am happy for them and hope the best. Whether I end up finding someone, or not. I know I am capable of many things. I'll focus on these successes."

It's all about mindset. Comparing yourself to others, convinces you to believe things that are likely false. If you don't put energy into comparisons, you'll find more peace and comfortably within yourself. Just an idea.

The thought of going through life and having it end without ever experiencing love as well as potentially having my own family does still feel dreadful to me. This is largely why I still haven’t been able to not compare myself to those who have better social skills than I do.

 

[Markness]

Don't even try to compare yourself to Neurotypical counterparts, whether they are friends or blood relatives. You can interact with them the best you can, but you can never actually be them neurologically speaking.

That it's toxic for you to constantly compare their circumstances to your own. And probably equally toxic for you to remain so closely within their social orbit, so their circumstances constantly contaminate your own perspectives and social objectives.

You have to follow life on your terms and on your path of discovery. -Not theirs.

I know I can’t be them. I just wish I had some successes instead of constantly getting disappointments.

 

[tree]

I just wish I had some successes instead of constantly getting disappointments.

When I read what you have to say about nights out socializing, or events you've
been to, or conversations you've had with people in work/retail/casual encounters,
consistently you focus on *what didn't happen* rather than any enjoyment you
experienced.

 

[Markness]

When I read what you have to say about nights out socializing, or events you've
been to, or conversations you've had with people in work/retail/casual encounters,
consistently you focus on *what didn't happen* rather than any enjoyment you
experienced.

I just need to adjust how I view these experiences?

 

[Judge]

I know I can’t be them. I just wish I had some successes instead of constantly getting disappointments.

Just another reason and need to distance yourself from them. So that you can establish and determine your own successes and failures based on your experience and not theirs.

 

[tree]

I just need to adjust how I view these experiences?

Sounds like it, yeah.
Leave the word 'just' out of the idea, though.
Using the word 'just' diminishes the expectation
that adjusting your thinking will take effort.

Spoiler

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive - Wikipedia

 

[Markness]

Just another reason and need to distance yourself from them. So that you can establish and determine your own successes and failures based on your experience and not theirs.

I suppose one way I can start is the fact I don’t live with either of them anymore. I also don’t have the same social circles they do.

 

[Markness]

Sounds like it, yeah.
Leave the word 'just' out of the idea, though.
Using the word 'just' diminishes the expectation
that adjusting your thinking will take effort.

Spoiler

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive - Wikipedia

I should credit myself for making attempts and that alone?

 

[Judge]

I suppose one way I can start is the fact I don’t live with either of them anymore. I also don’t have the same social circles they do.

Sounds like a great, though a tough move on your part. I had to do something similar regarding my last two closest relatives. A cousin and my brother.

 

[Azeth]

I should credit myself for making attempts and that alone?

Yes. Making attempts are positive steps. Something to add to it, is looking at how those attempts make you feel. Awkwardness is normal for things you are not use to. If something makes you feel good, even if it's not exactly as you hoped. That is still a positive. Take note of it, and add on to it with other positives.

Start with that and slowly work up to bigger successes. It's a gradual process.

 

[Markness]

Sounds like a great, though a tough move on your part. I had to do something similar regarding my last two closest relatives. A cousin and my brother.

Tough in what way?

What should I do when I get “flashbacks” about disappointing interactions?

 

[Judge]

Tough in what way?

Deliberately breaking lifelong family ties is no easy or flippant decision to make.

What should I do when I get “flashbacks” about disappointing interactions?

I wish I had a simple answer for that. It's also something I must deal with more often than I want to admit. I think about such things a lot...even when they go back as much as nearly 50 years.

Rumination of the past is a common trait with our kind. Where all I can do is try to shake it out of my head and think about the present. Sometimes it works quickly, sometimes it just doesn't at all.