Fear of being used and scammed

[Aspychata]

Don't call her a friend anymore. She is just someone you knew and seems to have questionable motives. You obviously feel used, and you just need to follow your gut feeling about them.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I was sort of masking at school, pretending to be an extroverted and funny person. I guess we had things at common at that point in life.

This friend likes to spend money a lot too even when she is struggling. So i dont think it is a good idea to lend her money even if i had it.

But i guess what i am trying to ask is how do you trust someone wont take advantage of you? What is a red flag that someone is a user? How do you learn these things when you are autistic?

The red flag for me is somebody who takes without sharing whether financially or emotionally. I had been subjected to that and especially after striking out on my own so many years ago I have a great fear of debt and compounding interest (unless it is in my favor), so I am immediately suspectful when somebody asks for money who I do not have a solid, mutual, relationship with. There are friends I have (of over 40 years) who I would lend money to because they have helped me in difficult situations and I have repaid them with interest and am certain they would do the same.

 

[Kayla55]

When me mum stayed with us, she's impulsive buying person, honestly all money spent in one week. Then shed expect us to feed her, not fair. And next month she did it again until I informed her since she doesn't pay rent, to please refrain from taxing me since I was single mom, now. Which she did thereafter, but it was all-round difficult for me as people who are very scattered with responsibility can be fun, and also ruin stability of my house. I mean also just like habit of being up whole night, not conforming in any way and still proposing with age to be the boss of the house AND WORSE, talk to my kids teachers.
Different subject from friendship, but my mom's was always more like having a little sister.

But visiting was fine, living in, no.

 

[Outsider]

If someone asks me to lend him/her a large amount of money I simply tell them that I don't have that kind of cash. I don't have a problem rejecting a request for a large sum of money. If it is a small amount I won't hesitate to give it to a person. Losing 50 USD or so is not a big deal for me. But if a person fails to return meager $50, I know that I should turn down a $500 request from him/her.
NT's get scammed too, no one is immune to this. But this is more than borrowing money, many NTs got scammed with a promise of high rate of return on their investment. Bernie Madoff's clients were NTs, who forgot that not all that glitters is gold. Sometimes greed could be blinding.

 

[AprilR]

Disclaimer: This is the first time she asked me for money. And she typically spends money a lot for me too, she likes buying people gifts and bought me lots of things also. She also buys theater tickets etc.

So thinking again, i am not sure about her intentions. Maybe i am just trying to think positive, because i only have 2 other friends

 

[Hypnalis]

Disclaimer: This is the first time she asked me for money. And she typically spends money a lot for me too, she likes buying people gifts and bought me lots of things also. She also buys theater tickets etc.

So thinking again, i am not sure about her intentions. Maybe i am just trying to think positive, because i only have 2 other friends

Here's another way to look at it:

In my personal experience, guys almost always make sure they stay in "economic balance" with each other. That doesn't e.g. exclude the possibility of presents/freebies, but in that case it's stated that it's outside the ledger (not explicitly OFC, but there are protocols).

Note that this doesn't mean there are no male moochers, but they have to keep finding new "friends" /lol.

Back to your case: try to figure out if you're in economic balance or not over the time you spent with your friend as an adult. If yes, you're ok, because moochers always take more than they give. If no, there's a problem (maybe your friend, but this is a good moment to check your own status).

(an aside: moochers can be sneaky: for example a cheap present can be used as a "loss leader" for something more expensive later. OTOH some people just like giving presents. Pay attention to the money and the relationship dynamic.