Ever feel you are MORE polite than others?

[Naturalist]

I have noticed for some time now that when I am out in public, often I am the only one using the prescribed greetings and manners which my mother drilled into me as social necessities.

For example, people on the street often do not say hello in passing, unless they know one another. And in crowded aisles in shops, people just push past without saying "excuse me" even if they have had to be very near you or even bumped into you. And when I say "excuse me," people just glare.

Also people seem very surprised sometimes when I thank them for their services or ask permission to do something like take a photo of something I want to remember on my phone, because I don't want to make them nervous by taking a picture randomly in public.

Does anyone else feel they tried hard to learn good manners, only to find that so many NTs are oblivious to good manners?

 

[pax]

Yes. I've had people push me out of the way or reach in front of me/ open doors/ cupboards on me and then say "sorry!" as if that makes it ok. The last time it happened I said " No you're not!"

 

[Harrison]

I find a lot of people are incredibly ill mannered, I used to ignore it, but not anymore.

 

[Suzanne]

YES, which actually has served to be my undoing!

I have this inbuilt of learned, need to be polite even to ones walking past me; it seriously upsets my inner being if I just walk past with even smiling, but there is a MAJOR snag; I am so shy that I end up looking down or focusing right in front of me and actually go into surreal mode and then, back to normal, once they have passed.

I get surprised looks when I say: thank you etc etc and because I smile; you see, we live in a world that has so many problems, I like the idea brightening people's day up, with a smile.

Only one occasion did I stop smiling and that is when I had been pregnant and due to medical negligence, the baby died inside me ie miss miscarriage and after that, I stopped wearing make up out side, and could barely muster a smile and had the motivation of passerby's saying: hey, cheer up; life isn't that bad! Or, wow what got you down today? I am afraid I just glared. But got passed that one. I listen to music when out and wear sunglasses and have to remind myself that I have an excuse to not say hello lol

 

[Progster]

Yes, people can be downright rude at times. I just try to ignore it. but it irritates me... the other thing that gets to me is a false politeness, they say "excuse me" or "can I just..." while at the same time shoving you out the way. Politely shoving out the way. If you're going to make the effort to be polite, you should at least mean it, or don't bother.

 

[Cerulean]

And WE're supposed to be the socially inept ones...

 

[Spiller]

I wonder if it's a result of the increasing sense of anonymity with so many people living in any one area now.. this seems evident on the roads, with other drivers often ranging from inconsiderate to outright hostile as they know they'll probably never cross paths with me again. Shopping centers/supermarkets are similar as you don't often encounter the same people.
So this seems to me to give many permission to act as if there's no-one else around them, whereas I'm always aware of anyone around me and will act politely accordingly.
This was coincidentally highlighted to me recently when I drove a friends relative back to London - the whole family hails from Zimbabwe, they insisted we stay for the whole afternoon and, even though this was the first time we'd met and I barely understood half of their native tongue, I've never felt more welcome anywhere in my life! It even came up in conversation how distant people in the UK can be. I know this is worse in London, again, so many people.

 

[Tom]

Oh yeah, lots. Its been that way as long as I remember. Often find myself the last to use long died out curtosies. But I still use politeness because it is a good way to be I think. You do get some strange looks however.

 

[inabox]

I am polite to all I meet. Ok, so I might, sometimes come across as rude, but this is due to me being quiet than actively saying or doing anything rude. Maybe it's because of this that I make every effort to be polite, maybe to make up for my failures.. But if someone turns out to be deliberately nasty to me, I lose interest in being nice to that person but usually won't manage rudeness still. I'll just avoid them. Also, if I know that I've done badly with communicating, I'll try to make it up to them or somehow try to make them see that I'm not intending to be rude.
I feel upset and like my insides are unhappy (i don't know how to better describe that) when I think I've seemed rude.
So I suppose, given all the thought and effort I put into being polite, I'd hope I'm at least as polite as other people, if not more polite.

 

[Slithytoves]

I was raised to be very polite and deferential, so I can't attribute my tendencies to Asperger's. I still am that way, most times, but I find as I get older that few other people are. That's why I say "most times". While I am usually just as polite as my mother raised me to be, I do find that if somebody else is rude first, I'm much quicker to lash back.

I think Spiller makes a good point about anonymity and population density. I also see a correlation between the rise of things like the "big box" retailer and the decline of courtesy in public. Back when we did more of our shopping at small businesses housed in smaller buildings, things felt more intimate; there was a friendlier and more personal atmosphere that encouraged patrons to be kinder to each other as well. It only makes sense that the more places we go that make us mindful of courtesy, the more courteous we are. Everything is outgrowing "human" scale and our humanity is going with it.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I've had a bunch of random people wave as they drive by the house, or dudes on lawnmowers wave at people as they pass by their house. There are plenty of "excuse me" and "pardon me" in crowded aisles if they can't zip on by quickly so as not to be in the way long. In fact, I'm the weirdo for not calling my parents "sir" and "ma'am"! But that's how they raised me. Mom still tells my husband "don't call me ma'am" because those titles are only for strangers and old people.

Mostly the young ones with a bad attitude are an issue in my area that have no concept of manners. And of course anybody with a chip on their shoulder, but I think they can be wrote off as abnormal.

They make up for it on the road though. No turn signal, tail gating, high beams.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Only one occasion did I stop smiling and that is when I had been pregnant and due to medical negligence, the baby died inside me ie miss miscarriage and after that, I stopped wearing make up out side, and could barely muster a smile and had the motivation of passerby's saying: hey, cheer up; life isn't that bad! Or, wow what got you down today?

I hate when people do that. They have no right to make comments (or recommendations, like "cheer up") on someone else's mood, especially that of a complete stranger. They have no idea what the sad person is going through, and it could be anything.

At least right now, I'm probably ruder than most people. I'm only polite if the other person hasn't done anything to not deserve it. I'll say things like "please," "thank you," and "excuse me" when they're called for, and I won't hurt or interrupt people, but if someone treats me in a way I don't want to be treated - like touching me without permission (especially from behind!), teasing me, etc. they will get a rude (and unexpected) response. This is because if I'm polite to them when they're doing that, they take it as permission to do it more. People don't take me seriously, so I have to shock them into it.
As a teen I was taught that it was unacceptable to be rude to people if they were rude to me (as if a good Christian girl is supposed to be a dummy used for other people's amusement). My mom told me that "politely asking them to stop" would work. Guess what. It doesn't. Sometimes you have to be rude to stand up for yourself.
Other than that, I try to be as polite as I can, although I don't initiate conversation or anything. I'll respond to other people's conversation efforts as nicely as I can. But after all that's happened in the past few years, I'm more concerned about being authentic and honest than being polite.

 

[Vinca]

I've tended to use the same patterns of politeness that I learnt as a child. I say please and thankyou to all types of people in all types of situations. I get the impression that it comes accross as being odd to taxi drivers though, which I've assumed is becasue perhaps people aren't in general particularly polite with them.

When I was a child I would have been told to say 'thank you' or 'please', but wouldn't have been told to use a different, more subtle expression of gratitude, other than saying thank you.

I've recently started to learn that adults have ways of saying thank you without using the word 'thankyou'. For example, if one adult hosts a casual social event at their home, those who are invited may tell the host that 'they have had a lovely time' rather that saying 'thank you for inviting me'.

 

[zenbutterfly]

Urgh yes! One thing that irks me more than any other is bad manners! It really isn't that hard to be mindful of others and be well Mannered!

 

[Structrix]

Yes, definitely. In fact, one of my special interests is etiquette and collecting etiquette books.

 

[HappyHermit]

I've also found that I'm more polite than most others when I'm out in public. Two reasons: it would make life so much more bearable if people were polite because there are so incredibly many of us now that we're tripping over one another as soon as we leave the house and, it's my fall-back script for social situations.

 

[Shawn D]

My husband and I went to the Skagit Tulip Festival last weekend. Along the rows of tulips were signs stating "Please do not enter tulip rows. Stay on main paths."
I was trying to get a picture of my husband and daughter in front of a tulip field, when a man, trying to get his picture taken by someone, walked into the field and into my frame.
Well, I started very loudly saying how rude it was, and that while some people are trying to get beautiful, unobstructed pictures of the fields, others are ruining it for them by breaking the rules.
My husband told me I was being rude by being so vocal about it and that everyone else was entering the fields for pictures.
Since when did society become so dismissive of rules meant to benefit everyone? Since when did it become rude to point out other people's rudeness?

 

[Alex Bogue]

It's not rude pointing out other people's rudeness. It's called being honest.

 

[Adora]

I'm usually very polite but I do have my unintentional slip ups,there have been times when I'm out with my husband seeing his friends that he has to remind me to say hello and good bye I don't mean to be this way just i sometimes zone out when I'm around some people.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Of course, I'm Miss Etiquette.