Ferdinand94
Colourful Black Sheep
I find myself unable to determine the exact point from where I should begin this rant, therefore I'm just going to write everything in no precise order, expecting I will be understood. Perhaps I should just skip forewords and state my wishes. Yes, this seems like the right way to embrace the subject:
If I could eliminate interaction for and indefinite amount of time, it would be my first time experimenting true self-enjoyment.
I wish I could have my own ''space'' (probably a house) and that I could modify it in a way it would please my barely functioning beaten little heart. A place where I could install really thick black curtains or dark impenetrable blinds on my windows so I wouldn't be able to see whether it's day time or the middle of the night. A place where there would be no clocks or sense of time. Somewhere I could be isolated and very well provisioned, and have endless tools and electronic components to ''play'' with and create. I want puzzles, cable and WiFi. 3D and laser printers. Consoles and video games. A library, a cat. I want to be alone, completely alone. I don't want to hear anything else than a running fan or the humming of the refrigerator. I don't want a phone, I don't want people calling me or knocking at my door. I don't want to hear my own voice. I just want to read, watch documentaries and build and program the stupid little robots I love to make so much...
I come from a (still live there) highly abusive household and I'm so extremely tired of it. I can't take it anymore, I broke already and that's the only way I believe I can fix myself. It's so much bullying. It's unbearable. There's nowhere I can go except moving in with my SO (he's on the spectrum as well, but has no trouble keeping a job). For the last 6 year he's seen me going from ''I'm ok'' to ''please kill me already''. He agrees this is what I should do, but that requires money and expenses, something which I can't afford.
I can't even finish what I wanted to say, I have to go already...
If I could eliminate interaction for and indefinite amount of time, it would be my first time experimenting true self-enjoyment.
I wish I could have my own ''space'' (probably a house) and that I could modify it in a way it would please my barely functioning beaten little heart. A place where I could install really thick black curtains or dark impenetrable blinds on my windows so I wouldn't be able to see whether it's day time or the middle of the night. A place where there would be no clocks or sense of time. Somewhere I could be isolated and very well provisioned, and have endless tools and electronic components to ''play'' with and create. I want puzzles, cable and WiFi. 3D and laser printers. Consoles and video games. A library, a cat. I want to be alone, completely alone. I don't want to hear anything else than a running fan or the humming of the refrigerator. I don't want a phone, I don't want people calling me or knocking at my door. I don't want to hear my own voice. I just want to read, watch documentaries and build and program the stupid little robots I love to make so much...
I come from a (still live there) highly abusive household and I'm so extremely tired of it. I can't take it anymore, I broke already and that's the only way I believe I can fix myself. It's so much bullying. It's unbearable. There's nowhere I can go except moving in with my SO (he's on the spectrum as well, but has no trouble keeping a job). For the last 6 year he's seen me going from ''I'm ok'' to ''please kill me already''. He agrees this is what I should do, but that requires money and expenses, something which I can't afford.
I can't even finish what I wanted to say, I have to go already...
