Effects of meltdowns

[inabox]

I've had a bad day. I had a meltdown with 2 panic attacks , and I have not had a panic attack in years. But I "melted" at about 3 or 4pm and I've realised that now I can't really remember what I have done today including what happened before 3. I have some vague memories, but the memories are hazy and as if I'm remembering a drunken day about 6 months ago.
Does anyone else experience anything like this?

 

[Harrison]

Meltdowns are a common thing for aspies, just reading through the recent threads will show that, so you're not alone.

 

[inabox]

But I don't remember them affecting my memory before (maybe because they've affected my memory....)

 

[Harrison]

The depth of the meltdown (severity) can push the conscious mind into a form of isolation, as if watching from a distance. The effect afterwards is in not remembering the event clearly.

 

[inabox]

Oh right. Well, on the bright side I didn't break anything at all this time.

Maybe it had been building up since before I was aware I was on my way towards melting

 

[Harrison]

Indeed, meltdowns are never about one thing, they are the culmination of smaller things that lead to a cascade into the meltdown.

 

[Judge]

Indeed, meltdowns are never about one thing, they are the culmination of smaller things that lead to a cascade into the meltdown.

I have very few meltdowns, being far more prone to shutdowns. But yes indeed, when I have a meltdown they're absolutely a cumulative effect of many issues at one time.

 

[inabox]

I'm guessing it would have been mentioned in another thread but just quickly, after a meltdown do you feel a sense of calm and things somehow have miraculously improved when they haven't actually changed at all ?

 

[Harrison]

Indeed, the discharge of energy leaves you almost in a state of bliss. I believe the sense that things have improved comes not from any real factor but because the breaking of the cumulative effect.

 

[Judge]

I'm guessing it would have been mentioned in another thread but just quickly, after a meltdown do you feel a sense of calm and things somehow have miraculously improved when they haven't actually changed at all ?

Depends on the carnage created in the process. In my case they can be emotionally ruinous.

I should probably add I haven't had a meltdown like that in years...

 

[Harrison]

Depends on the carnage created in the process. In my case they can be ruinous.

True, it's been a while since I did the carnage thing, forgot about that bit.

 

[Ezra]

My memory after a meltdown is very foggy. I'm pretty shaky after them. Usually come out of them wondering what happened.

 

[inabox]

Depends on the carnage created in the process. In my case they can be emotionally ruinous.

I should probably add I haven't had a meltdown like that in years...

For me the realisation and coping with the emotional ruinous is happening while I'm still melting. And unfortunately it feeds the meltdown to continue. Once I've got over that, then everything subsides.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I've had a bad day. I had a meltdown with 2 panic attacks , and I have not had a panic attack in years. But I "melted" at about 3 or 4pm and I've realised that now I can't really remember what I have done today including what happened before 3. I have some vague memories, but the memories are hazy and as if I'm remembering a drunken day about 6 months ago.
Does anyone else experience anything like this?

You have my heartfelt empathy. I've had a bad day too. And yes, I have the hazy memory thing after meltdowns, though not after panic attacks.

Meltdown will probably happen tomorrow, since my manager quit Friday--no notice, just up and out--and the client doesn't understand my deliverables or my needs as a worker.

 

[inabox]

Meltdown will probably happen tomorrow, since my manager quit Friday--no notice, just up and out--and the client doesn't understand my deliverables or my needs as a worker.

If/ when it happens try not to give yourself a hard time. That sounds enough to give anyone meltdown

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

If/ when it happens try not to give yourself a hard time. That sounds enough to give anyone meltdown

Aww, thank you.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

My panic attacks seem to bleed off the emotion, and leave very little energy to solve problems. I've gotten very good at just trudging through the aftermath feeling like a tired horse, doing whatever task was next, with a kind of hopeless, reckless indifference. Curiously, I can't remember ever creating or worsening a problem in that state, and I never learn that there isn't going to be a problem. Each time, it's like the first time, and it always feels life-threatening.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I'm not understanding these meltdowns. What's the difference between a meltdown and when an NT has a blind fury and says they "just saw red and can't remember anything else that happened after that"?

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Um, for me, it's the overwhelming shame, guilt, fear, rage, and helplessness hitting me like a tsunami as I struggle against watching my main asset, my mind, whip into a water-torn tornado and disappear, leaving me in variable states of mutism/screaming. I've hit myself, I let loose language that would embarrass a stevedore, and I am so audibly, visibly, palpably out of control. And vulnerable afterwards. Often a raging headache and up to 12 hours of narcolepsis follows.

And I remember how it felt, but not so much about what caused it.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Um, for me, it's the overwhelming shame, guilt, fear, rage, and helplessness hitting me like a tsunami as I struggle against watching my main asset, my mind, whip into a water-torn tornado and disappear, leaving me in variable states of mutism/screaming. I've hit myself, I let loose language that would embarrass a stevedore, and I am so audibly, visibly, palpably out of control. And vulnerable afterwards. Often a raging headache and up to 12 hours of narcolepsis follows.

And I remember how it felt, but not so much about what caused it.

Oh. Thank you for that explanation. I kind of relate it to a seizure then that comes on suddenly and is not remembered afterward. That's what it would remind me of anyway. I'm going to have to read up more about meltdowns because I must have said some things that weren't appreciated in another thread and its because I really don't understand meltdowns and have never witnessed one. How do the people you know react when you have one? And do you get meltdowns very often?