I remember being told by my neurotypical peers that I am making the choice to be uncomfortable and unable to cope with people in real life, and every time I hear it, I cringe.
Right now, I am suffering with a bad grade from a college assignment which I was told that I must pick a job that must involve working with people. I hated that idea because I go berserk having to work with the public and I fear often that I will be embarrassed by a group of people. And believe me, this has happened before, and it sucked. I was also judged for having terrible sentence structure, and that to a lot of people, I didn’t make any sense. The truth is I find it very difficult for me to explain things and my body goes completely out of whack when I try to force my brain into deep thinking. I’m an easily distracted person btw.
My mom recently told me “you made yourself embarrassed, you made the decision to feel uncomfortable and unable to cope with people”. I was infuriated, because feeling embarrassment and discomfort is not a choice. When I responded rightfully frustrated, I was told to calm down and quit acting like a baby. I’m told it’s not a big deal when they don’t understand my fear of failure and public humiliation. It’s as if every time I fail at something or someone points I fail at it, I completely shut down.
These failures give me a trigger that traces to a pastime and has deeply traumatized me while I’m unable to be thorough on it. The idea of working with people scares me and fills me with utter dreadfulness. It also doesn’t help that my interests are narrowly limited to the point where the environment I live in is a huge disadvantage for me.
I’ve got nothing else to say, so I’ll just leave it here. So does anyone else feel anything similar regarding the situation?
Right now, I am suffering with a bad grade from a college assignment which I was told that I must pick a job that must involve working with people. I hated that idea because I go berserk having to work with the public and I fear often that I will be embarrassed by a group of people. And believe me, this has happened before, and it sucked. I was also judged for having terrible sentence structure, and that to a lot of people, I didn’t make any sense. The truth is I find it very difficult for me to explain things and my body goes completely out of whack when I try to force my brain into deep thinking. I’m an easily distracted person btw.
My mom recently told me “you made yourself embarrassed, you made the decision to feel uncomfortable and unable to cope with people”. I was infuriated, because feeling embarrassment and discomfort is not a choice. When I responded rightfully frustrated, I was told to calm down and quit acting like a baby. I’m told it’s not a big deal when they don’t understand my fear of failure and public humiliation. It’s as if every time I fail at something or someone points I fail at it, I completely shut down.
These failures give me a trigger that traces to a pastime and has deeply traumatized me while I’m unable to be thorough on it. The idea of working with people scares me and fills me with utter dreadfulness. It also doesn’t help that my interests are narrowly limited to the point where the environment I live in is a huge disadvantage for me.
I’ve got nothing else to say, so I’ll just leave it here. So does anyone else feel anything similar regarding the situation?