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Featured Do you over or under exaggerate

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Pats, Feb 10, 2020.

  1. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I don't mean to keep adding more threads, but sometimes I just have more questions and stuff than others. And sometimes one thread will make me start thinking which leads to something else but different. So I apologize first.

    But exaggerated responses. When my mom was still here, whenever she had to go for a medical test, she'd let all her kids know and most the time, at least us 3 girls were always there. My daughter in law's mom is the same way - any and every test all her kids are there, often best friends and other family members.

    I'm quite opposite and I think I tend to underexaggerate. Most people I know who have had heart caths have had prayers requested, have family with them for the test and so on. Me - I was more like, "Yes, having a cath tomorrow, but no big deal." I went by myself - didn't even ask husband to go with me. Had surgery on my neck - no big deal, I'll be fine, no reason anyone should have to be there. Okay - that one I was glad my sister (even when I told her not to) came because I did need help afterward and she'd make me not get up to go to the bathroom until I could at least hold my eyes open. lol But I do tend to underplay, and in the process I don't get help when I could actually use it. I'm expected to be as able and capable as I ever was, and I'm not. Miss church and people just think I just don't always go, when there's reasons I'm not there, I'm just not requesting prayers and telling everyone. If asked, I tend to just respond, "It's just all this neck stuff". They have no idea what all this neck stuff is and I'm making it sound like no big deal.

    I can't get myself to relay just how bad things can be. I guess, if it's not going to kill me anytime soon, it's not a big deal. But it is to me - my body from the shoulders up make me miserable. Between the nerves in my neck causing pain, numbness, weakness, fainting, head zaps, balance problems and dizziness and more, and there's brain lesions and a 9 mm cyst or tumor in middle of my brain and fluid in the area of my brain where all my headaches start. Most days, I'm miserable, but if I mention is I make it sound like no big deal so I'm expected to do anything and everything I've always done before.

    But if I start telling people everything that's going on with me I feel like a whiner and complainer. Plus I would not want to burden anyone with having to help me. Sometimes I wish I would be told I can no longer drive anywhere more than five minutes away because driving actually does worry me a bit because I have passed out for a couple seconds in the car - just luckily was in stopped traffic at the time. But I have told people that because I am cautious driving and wish they would not trust me to drive with their kids in my car. So how can I stress that but at the same time not worry or burden anyone?
     
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  2. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    In NASA I think they used to refer to what you are describing as "Maintaining an even strain". :cool:

    I'm guessing that it serves you well much as it did our first astronauts. ;)



    Of course in a neurotypical world, there's always the possibility of being perceived as somewhat cold and unfeeling. Can't ignore that either. I suppose it ultimately depends on the situation.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2020
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  3. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

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    I guess it depends on the subject matter. I only go into detail about chronic aches, pains and symptoms if I'm feeling really low. But, as you said - I feel like I'm whining or just getting people down.

    Sometimes I can embellish the truth if I'm telling a true story. I start to feel awkward as soon as I've jumped from the realms of reality into fiction. I usually try to steer the conversation back into the world of non-fiction, but sometimes I like to see where my mind takes me when making stuff up. At the end of it, I feel awkward and guilty.

    If I am going to make things up, I usually reserve it for my artwork or when I'm in my joking moods. I find as I've got older I've developed a quick and sharp wit - which I find just as rewarding as being creative with drawing.

    Ed
     
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  4. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    I tend to be private and reserved when it comes to talking to other people about my medical conditions. I don’t inform my family of doctor or hospital visits unless it’s something serious. I’m also prone to underreporting symptoms, downplaying illness and overestimating my reserves. My manager and occupational physician have to hold me back constantly because when they don’t, I run myself ragged.

    On the other hand, I’m a natural storyteller and I tend to embellish stories when I’m telling them because it makes them more interesting to listen to. I’m strictly honest where it counts, but when it comes to being entertaining I will exaggerate and embellish for amusement’s sake.
    I’ve done this ever since I was a kid, it comes naturally to me. It’s a real family trait, my mom does the same. This makes us both great at spontaneous speeches at parties.
     
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  5. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    don't know whether to laugh or choke over the video.
     
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  6. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Clearly the astronauts did...so can you. :p

    Of course in all seriousness there were certainly many other issues where their lives may have depended upon the accuracy of explaining conditions as well. But in underestimating their own stress it kept them in the game, able to negotiate incredibly difficult circumstances that much better.

    Circumstances totally put to the test with the crew of Apollo 13. Where failure was not an option.
     
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  7. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I got stuck on the video so didn't see your last statement until now - How does it get perceived as cold and unfeeling? If that's true I wouldn't want it to appear that way. So explain to me how, if you will.
     
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  8. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Depends entirely on the situation. That perhaps for someone high-strung person, I'd think they might interpret underestimating things in a histrionic manner. But then that's what high-strung people do in the first place. I know in my own case just being brutally honest has resulted in being accused of being unfeeling about things.

    Remember Jack Webb in "Dragnet"? "Just the facts, M'am. ;)

    Maybe Joe Friday was one of us.
     
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  9. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'm not sure I'm following this. Downplaying illness being seen as histrionic? I thought upplaying illnesses was more along those lines, which is what I'm trying to not appear as.
     
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  10. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    :)
    I'm similar, thinking I will and can do everything myself without any help. Once as a teen I watched my Mother who had cut her hand badly, bleeding profusely into the kitchen sink. I can still hear the sound of it as it dripped into the metal sink, plop, plop, plop. "It's a bad cut Mom, you'll need stitches." "No, I don't want to bother your Father, he's watching the playoffs." I went and got my Father, he wrapped it up, but first stopped the bleeding. I looked in the sink, there was at least a pint of blood in there. Then he brought her to the Doctor who stitched it up.

    I sewed over my index finger a day ago. The sewing machine needle went straight through one side of my finger. It hardly bled at all but you can see the muscle underneath. The cut from the needle is pretty clean, but the ragged edges of the cut have not come together it's too deep. I'm buying suture strips today. I won't be going to the clinic or the er, not with flu season in full swing here.

    So yeah, I get you Pats. If I had a way to anesthetize my finger I'd do the sutures myself. :) I think Pats you should be clear and final about the driving. Say it once, and then never drive the kids again.
     
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  11. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    No, I'm just saying histrionic people react differently to such considerations when faced with blunt responses.

    Again, it depends entirely on the situation. Not necessarily considering things like downplaying illnesses. In this instance I'm thinking about this through my point of view rather than your own.

    Admittedly in the case of nursing and patients, you're dealing with an entirely different set of social and medical dynamics to work with. And an elevated sense of professional responsibility and liability.
     
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  12. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    @Judge are you editing and adding to your comments because I won't see all lines until I go back again trying to understand? (And I always liked Joe). :)
     
  13. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Guilty as charged. I almost always edit them after the fact...when my brain catches up with my keystrokes. ;)

    Bad habit I know...but it is what it is. :oops:
     
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  14. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Oh, yeah, I mostly feel embarrassed and tend to hide injuries, even serious ones. lol I'll fix it so no one has to know.
     
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  15. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Guess I've done that, too - that's probably how I figured out you were doing that. All good. lol
     
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  16. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Spending all that time as a nurse, maybe all that downplaying just rubbed off on you in another way. Then again it may be true that doctors- and nurses make the worst patients. ;)

    I tend to downplay my own problems at times as well...until the pain causes me to nearly pass out. :oops:

    I'm more prone to using my own resources rather than admit when I need those of others.
     
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  17. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I think it best to minimize the effects of illness to those around you. Why add unpleasentness to their day unnecesarily. But at the same time one must be realistic and ask for assistance (or decline doing something) when it is truly needed.
     
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  18. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    guess the 'saying no' when I don't feel safe or able is what I need to work on.

    Maybe I need to say - yep, the girls can come for an overnight, but you need to bring them because I don't want to drive an hour with them in the car.
     
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  19. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    @Pats , I thought that your nursing background might have made you more stoic about medical procedures. Your autism, further, underestimates the emotions that inevitably follow.
     
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  20. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    possibly. I think even my kids would sometimes refuse to go to an er when advised to with the response that 'mom' can handle it. But even before my nursing career I was hiding injuries - so it was not that I knew how to take care of them myself. Once I was pregnant and working and accidently cut my hand real deep with a razor knife. I excused myself slipped out to the bathroom to try to stop the bleeding and my boss seen the trail of blood and was terrified racing into the bathroom to see if I was okay. Was fine, just now really embarrassed. lol
     
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