Do you dislike children?

[RemyZee]

This is embarrassing and sad, but i don't like being around children, and because I'm a woman I practically feel guilty about it: i just never had a maternal instinct, although I believe in children and ther energy. But I've never felt any compulsion to have children and in our society it's almost expected that to be fully human you have to create offspring. I do believe for me it goes back to autism and is partly a sensory thing: I'm jolted by the yells and smell and sticky skin. I wonder if I'm mean or abnormal for not being maternal, for not having that impulse that other women seem to have so strongly even to the point of going into deep depression when they can't get pregnant. It doesn't bother me at all that I don't have children. Is something wrong with me?

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I can relate a tiny bit, but not much.

From the time I was very small, I've always wanted to be a wife and mother. With all my heart. Long dresses, children at my skirts, collecting eggs from the chickens, lots of big outdoor dogs and cats living under the house. Wide open spaces, lots of love.

When I hear a baby cry, my arms and breasts ache in sort of sympathy pains.

I do hate babysitting though. And I will only do it in emergency situations. I don't like watching children that are not my own. Especially from families where proper behavior was not modeled and taught from a young age. I don't tolerate it at all. It is overstimulating.

I remember when my daughter was small, moms in my apartment complex would come to my house and ask "Can you please watch ____, I have to run to the store/ have a date/ Dr appt/ etc". And I would nearly always deny them. Especially if their kid was really bratty and from a family that was loud and rude.

I was a single mom, and I took my child everywhere, I didn't see why they couldn't as well. It might be good for the tyke. Walking and talking and teaching.

One thing though, when I was in my early 20s, I worked as a photographer for children and families at a few of those mall shops. I learned to loathe toddlers. So screamy and bratty. Some would even break the props. But that was just a phase, because of my immaturity at the time, inexperience with young children, and my line of work. But still, I still craved to be married and have children of my own. I've always loved children, just not other people's crappily raised kids without manners.

So I totally get the overstimulating nature of kids, especially the ones that are raised wrong. But oh my gosh, I love children. I love babies. I love homeschooling and nurturing and quality time and picnics and going to museums with them and road trips and tidying and crafting and cooking and all things maternal.

But I have zero patience for bad kids. It's not their fault though. I often quote the Oompa Loompas about who to blame for children's behavior: "The mother and the father".

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I like kids had two would of had more, if we were financially able.

 

[Outdated]

Is something wrong with me?

It's probably more to do with the society you live in than anything being wrong with you.

I never married or had kids and through my life I've had a lot of girlfriends who also never married and never had kids and never wanted to. They were happy with their careers and didn't want anything in life that would upset that. Some of those women also never wanted what most people imagine to be a regular boyfriend/girlfriend experience either, they didn't want anyone interfering with their lives but were still human and did want a sex life. So I was in a few "trusted safe sex partner" relationships. This suited what I wanted in life too.

Some societies believe that our only purpose in life is to create more children even though the world is already so grossly overpopulated that countries are now being forced to close their doors to refugees in order to keep being able to feed their own people. Not having children is a much more socially responsible decision.

 

[Rodafina]

I think kids are great and love being around them. I have enjoyed working with children very much.

I also think kids are a real sensory challenge and it’s nice to give them back to their parents.

I’ve never once had the desire to have my own kid. Not even a whiff of yearning.

That all feels normal to me. It’s easy to feel some kind of pressure to have kids, but I don’t think an intrinsic desire to not procreate is all that weird.

 

[damoisellepeachy]

I wouldn’t say I dislike children, as I think children deserve to be loved and have good parents. But I don’t like to be around kids much because I can only handle kids for small amounts of time and I realized I like having free time to myself. I used to feel bad about not wanting to be a mother until I realized parenthood was a choice and that’s when I started feeling better about deciding to never have kids.

Of course, it still sucks that parenthood is seen as a “obligatory” thing that everyone should do regardless. Parenthood isn’t for everyone and people who choose to not be parents should be respected for their choice. Also I don’t think it’s weird to not have any maternal instincts.

 

[RemyZee]

It's probably more to do with the society you live in than anything being wrong with you.

I never married or had kids and through my life I've had a lot of girlfriends who also never married and never had kids and never wanted to. They were happy with their careers and didn't want anything in life that would upset that. Some of those women also never wanted what most people imagine to be a regular boyfriend/girlfriend experience either, they didn't want anyone interfering with their lives but were still human and did want a sex life. So I was in a few "trusted safe sex partner" relationships. This suited what I wanted in life too.

Some societies believe that our only purpose in life is to create more children even though the world is already so grossly overpopulated that countries are now being forced to close their doors to refugees in order to keep being able to feed their own people. Not having children is a much more socially responsible decision.

Yes I grew up in a very religious culture where the expected thing to do when seeing a female relative was to ask whether she'd met a man yet. If the woman was already married you'd ask when they were going to have a baby. And don't get me wrong, I think babies are wonderful but I think you're right that the impulse can be socially generated. There was a kind of prestige that went along with parenthood. Like people would take you more seriously if you had descendants. I did help bring up my niece and that was very meaningful. But it wasn't ever a calling.

 

[Metalhead]

I like being the cool and chill uncle, but I don't want to be a parent. Too much responsibility, I'm not up for that.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Kids are great with ketchup.

 

[AprilR]

Not disliking but i used to be awkward around them. Until i met my friend's daughter, we get along with her pretty well and have lots of funny and silly convos.

That does not change the fact that i don't want to have children through, especially since i can barely take care of myself

 

[Aspychata]

I don't dislike kids, but l hate their parents who shouldn't even have kids who expect me to tolerate their kid's horrible behavior because their children have never been taught manners or consequences for their actions. l feel sorry for children who are bullied by their parents when having a meltdown. Those parents who drag their kids on endless shopping trips, when those same kids should be outdoors playing, running, jumping, biking, going to the library, etc.

 

[velociraptor]

I like kids well enough. Enjoyed raising mine, she turned out okay and I'm proud of her. Won't complain if she produces grandkids, but I don't have the energy I used to so I'll give them back at the end of the day.

 

[Misty Avich]

Yes and no. I love my own little nieces/nephews/second cousins/non-biological grandchildren, and I'd even love to work in a preschool setting, but I can't stand children and babies in general when I'm in stores, restaurants, public transport (unless I know them personally like I said). So it is difficult for me to say "no I don't like children", because I have so many little ones in the family now so I feel guilty for saying it. But hopefully you know what I mean.

I'm maternal but I'm not confident enough to get pregnant, due to my emetophobia and low pain threshold. I just know I wouldn't cope with pregnancy, with my anxiety levels and I'm not getting any younger. Also I wouldn't want to pass on ASD, being so most parents on the spectrum seem to produce children on the spectrum because autism seems to be so damn contagious.

If I could choose I'd like a baby boy. Most women seem to want their babies to be girls but I think I'd be better bringing up a son because of being a tomboy myself. But if I had a daughter I'd still love her the same of course.

I have pets instead, which are very important to me because it's like they replace the children I will never have. I feel like a mother to them and it feeds my maternal instinct.

I must admit, I'm not keen on the sound of a baby crying. I don't think it's beautiful at all. I think it's annoying and I wish babies didn't produce such an irritatingly ugly sound. But that might be misophonia. If it was my own baby, or a baby I'm close to (like in my family) I don't mind so much, especially when I'm cuddling them, because my mind kind of tells me misophonia that I'm in control or something. But if it's just some random baby in a public setting, or my neighbours' baby, I just feel like yelling "SHUT UP!!!"

 

[Tiffany Kate]

This is embarrassing and sad, but i don't like being around children, and because I'm a woman I practically feel guilty about it: i just never had a maternal instinct, although I believe in children and ther energy.

If there's something wrong with you, it's wrong with me as well. (And quite a lot of other women, autistic or not.)

I have zero maternal instinct. When I hear about women who are devastated because they can't have kids, I feel sorry for them - not because they can't have kids, but because they seem to feel so much that they are not a complete human being in their own right and need to have kids to justify their existence. I find that terribly sad.

I don't like dealing with other people's kids, but that's because I don't understand how they think and why they do what they do. It's like the difficulties with dealing with adults, but dialled up to 11. Yes, I don't like listening to crying babies (that high-pitched wail goes right through my head, but apparently that's an evolutionary thing to ensure they get attention), but I don't blame the babies. They're doing what they do. It's the parents' job to teach their kids to behave properly and not allow their kids to ruin everybody else's experience (whether restaurant or public transport or whatever).

People used to say, "You'll change your mind when you're older" (I haven't) or "It's different when they're your own." (That I believe, but only up to a point. Plus, what if it isn't? If you turn out to be as freaked out by your own kids as by other people's, you can't exactly send them back for a refund, can you?)

 

[NB79]

I like children, they are innocent and spontaneous, sincere etc, well sometimes, but i don't know how to interact with them, i usually avoid them. I really dislike noisy annoying or disrespectful children, .

 

[Neonatal RRT]

This is embarrassing and sad, but i don't like being around children, and because I'm a woman I practically feel guilty about it: i just never had a maternal instinct, although I believe in children and ther energy. But I've never felt any compulsion to have children and in our society it's almost expected that to be fully human you have to create offspring. I do believe for me it goes back to autism and is partly a sensory thing: I'm jolted by the yells and smell and sticky skin. I wonder if I'm mean or abnormal for not being maternal, for not having that impulse that other women seem to have so strongly even to the point of going into deep depression when they can't get pregnant. It doesn't bother me at all that I don't have children. Is something wrong with me?

Nothing wrong, per se. It can be your autism speaking to you. As you mentioned, the sensory issues, and two, if you are one of the many of us that have altered signaling via the hypothalamus-to-posterior pituitary, your vasopressin and oxytocin (love hormones) may be low. I am a father of two boys, and I didn't know it at the time, but I had a fair amount of sensory issues with kids when they were little, and to this day (they will be 28 and 30), there's still this "glass wall" between us. I was the best father I could be, I always prioritized them, played with them, helped them with projects, taught them a lot, etc., but I always, and still feel like I am more of a mentor rather than say, "the loving father" to them. If either of them call, it's always to my wife. I don't have a sense that they dislike me, but rather there is an invisible barrier that we've never been able to overcome. They communicate with me through my wife. It's just how that cookie crumbled.

 

[Crossbreed]

But I have zero patience for bad kids. It's not their fault though. I often quote the Oompa Loompas about who to blame for children's behavior: "The mother and the father".

That is an oversimplification, if the children have mental illnesses and/or brain damage on-board. Standard rearing tactics are ineffective and you end up having to wing it.

Healthy children --even healthy autistic children-- will learn from their consequences.
Children with severe executive dysfunction will not.*
Nor will children with Psychosis or severe Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

Even with cooperative gifted & ASD1 children, you have to tailor to their communication styles.

*How do you teach a child to stop banging his head on a concrete-based floor if the pain of the resultant injury, itself, is not a disincentive...!?
And I have found no way to get my ASD3 daughter to stop biting others when she has an anxiety attack, short of physically inserting myself between her and them.

 

[TBRS1]

I like children if I know them (my kids, my grandkids, the kids of friends, and the grandchildren of friends - all fine).

If I don't know them, they tend to be annoying and frequently sticky from something they ate an hour ago.

 

[Mary Terry]

I love my children and grandchildren but am not so fond of some other people's children. I loved the baby stage of motherhood but these days I am very conscious of the germ factor and don't really want to hold babies. I think I'm running out of maternal energy as I age.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

It's probably more to do with the society you live in than anything being wrong with you.

I never married or had kids and through my life I've had a lot of girlfriends who also never married and never had kids and never wanted to. They were happy with their careers and didn't want anything in life that would upset that. Some of those women also never wanted what most people imagine to be a regular boyfriend/girlfriend experience either, they didn't want anyone interfering with their lives but were still human and did want a sex life. So I was in a few "trusted safe sex partner" relationships. This suited what I wanted in life too.

Some societies believe that our only purpose in life is to create more children even though the world is already so grossly overpopulated that countries are now being forced to close their doors to refugees in order to keep being able to feed their own people. Not having children is a much more socially responsible decision.

The population of many advanced countries is currently, no enough children being born to sustain their current standard of living. Over population is yesterdays story, Not sure why it flipped. Complex reasons.