Do I disclose being autistic to my employer?

[Beanfinity]

Recently, my department's work culture policies have shifted and there are more efforts to be more inclusive and sensitive to neurodivergent people in the workplace. However, these are just written policy and the actual social culture will take time to shift, so I am concerned about stigma/judgment/people not believing me. I have been doing 'ok' without supports for some time, but I'm afraid I am just building to another burnout. Masking just gets harder and harder. I am considering getting a diagnosis and letting my employer know so I can get some supports.

I am curious about other people's experience in disclosing their diagnosis/needs to employers. Were they very accommodating? Did you get pushback re medical proof (whether as self-diagnosed, or awaiting diagnosis)? Did colleagues start treating you differently (in a bad or good way) after hearing about your accommodation? And most importantly, how did you deal with these challenges?

Also, since I have been masking and self-accommodating for so long, I am not sure what my employer can do to make things easier. All I know is I am exhausted each day and I avoid social interaction because it exhausts me even more. I keep headphones in all day and everything on dark mode. I can't really tell the difference between an autism need, and a personal failing (ie. fear of public speaking/being called on unexpectedly in a meeting). I do my best to 'deal' with my own needs, but I don't know how to express them to my employer without sounding like I am just complaining. If you have any examples that worked for you, or suggestions, it would be great to hear.

I appreciate your responses and sharing your experiences

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

Recently, my department's work culture policies have shifted and there are more efforts to be more inclusive and sensitive to neurodivergent people in the workplace. However, these are just written policy and the actual social culture will take time to shift, so I am concerned about stigma/judgment/people not believing me. I have been doing 'ok' without supports for some time, but I'm afraid I am just building to another burnout. Masking just gets harder and harder. I am considering getting a diagnosis and letting my employer know so I can get some supports.

I am curious about other people's experience in disclosing their diagnosis/needs to employers. Were they very accommodating? Did you get pushback re medical proof (whether as self-diagnosed, or awaiting diagnosis)? Did colleagues start treating you differently (in a bad or good way) after hearing about your accommodation? And most importantly, how did you deal with these challenges?

Also, since I have been masking and self-accommodating for so long, I am not sure what my employer can do to make things easier. All I know is I am exhausted each day and I avoid social interaction because it exhausts me even more. I keep headphones in all day and everything on dark mode. I can't really tell the difference between an autism need, and a personal failing (ie. fear of public speaking/being called on unexpectedly in a meeting). I do my best to 'deal' with my own needs, but I don't know how to express them to my employer without sounding like I am just complaining. If you have any examples that worked for you, or suggestions, it would be great to hear.

I appreciate your responses and sharing your experiences

i would just keep my diagnosis hidden.

 

[Masked Man]

I think you need to be careful. I don't know what sort of work you do, but if you are now claiming you need accommodations, you probably would need to have a diagnosis from a medical professional. And then it is going to be up to the employer to determine if they can accommodate you, especially if you did not disclose this upon hire.

I am fairly open about my condition, but for the most part my symptoms don't affect my job at all.

 

[Matthias]

My advice is to consider the importance of the accommodation (is it necessary to help you to stay sane or remain employed?) and the burden it imposes on the employer (can they easily accommodate you with minimal cost or disruption to the workplace?).

The difference between a "personal failing" and a disorder is the severity level (mild fear of public speaking resulting in mild discomfort = personal failing/character flaw, moderate to severe fear of public speaking that causes significant distress = anxiety disorder). I think employer's are only required to offer accommodations if a person's problem is severe enough that it's been diagnosed as a disorder. Since you haven't been diagnosed with ASD yet, the employer probably doesn't have to offer any accommodation for it (although they may choose to do so anyway even if it's not required). As far as whether you should mention ASD, I don't know because there are too many factors involved.

 

[TBRS1]

I would ask myself these questions. The answers would always depend on the specific circumstances:

1. What real benefit will I get by telling?

2. What do I risk by doing so?

3. Since once it is said it can't be unsaid, do I need to say it now, or is it OK to wait until later?

My default would be "wait and see."

 

[Outdated]

Country and culture make a huge difference in these sorts of decisions. There's some countries in the world where the idea of autism is shunned and although they no longer burn witches at the stake some people think that practice should make a comeback.

Then there's the very human system of negotiations and agreements - that's your job interview. To renege on a negotiated deal makes people angry. So you discuss issues with a prospective employer and you both reach an agreement on work loads and payment where they're happy to employ you. To then turn around after that deal is done and say "Oh, by the way, this is going to cost you more in money and effort than what we first agreed on." is never going to go down well.

To tell an employer "I'm struggling a bit here and need some help." will generally be OK but if you waltz through the door making demands and waving a copy of the disability act they're going to feel like they've been cheated right from the start.

 

[Beanfinity]

@Masked Man @Matthias

Thanks for your replies. I am getting the impression that disclosing one's autism (whether formally through a diagnosis or informally to your colleagues) is met with a great deal of hostility and negativity, regardless of new workplace policies. The caution in your answers seems to mean the consequences of disclosure could significantly affect my experience at work, and with colleagues. I had it in my mind that maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

I know of some colleagues who have received official accommodation for small things such as sensitivity to sounds/lights, etc. For example, they are given a quiet remote spot for their desk, or a darkened part of the office. However, as in any work environment, some things are provided on the basis of favouritism. I don't know where to draw the line for what's a reasonable accommodation request or not due to the inconsistency. One person's "personal failing" is accommodated for and another person's isn't, for seemingly arbitrary reasons. My colleagues gossip and complain about these things frequently...

In a recent training the speakers emphasized that accommodations provided later in employment after discovery/diagnosis are valid and just because someone 'could do something before' doesn't mean they don't need to be accommodated now. This makes me hopeful, but from your responses (and others) it seems we are a long way from normalizing neurodivergency in the workplace.

 

[Beanfinity]

@TBRS1

I am answering your questions as an exercise, but you don't need to respond to this if you don't want to.

1. What real benefit will I get by telling?
Understanding from my colleagues so I don't have to waste my energy on masking so much and worrying about social interactions. This would give me more energy to complete my work, and just in general. Understanding when there's a miscommunication (me asking clarifying questions is apparently an insult to someone's authority sometimes), and accommodating for different communication styles. Understanding when I have a 'spiky' skill set - some tasks are extremely easy for me and other tasks take me ages because they are just different.

2. What do I risk by doing so?
That my colleagues simply do not understand and make worklife even harder for me. Judgment, stigma, etc. I am a very high masker and while I've been trying slowly to drop it at work, people get weirded out when I'm having an off day where I can't mask as well. Which makes me mask harder to avoid suspicion. It's a vicious cycle that I am realizing I can't keep up. But there would be a stark difference if I felt free to be genuine at work. Almost every social interaction plagues me later, leaving me wondering if I did something wrong. I've had a lot of anxiety lately from that and work decisions themselves coming under scrutiny as well.

3. Since once it is said it can't be unsaid, do I need to say it now, or is it OK to wait until later?
I can wait until after a diagnosis, but I am getting the impression from the other replies that even with diagnosis in hand, life doesn't exactly get easier at work. Maybe I might get the accommodations I need, but it comes at the cost of colleagues not understanding/believing me or literal mistreatment from them.

My boyfriend asked me if I would ever seek a diagnosis and I said, 'only if it gets so bad that I need accommodations at work'. As I've gotten older, I always thought life would get easier, but I am finding it just gets harder and harder. I understand this is common for autistics, particularly those who mask a lot, it wears down on the body mentally and physically. So I'm entertaining the idea of diagnosis and disclosure now, as things are getting worse for me.

 

[Beanfinity]

@Outdated

I'm in Canada so it isn't on the extreme end of being shunned, to be autistic.

It makes me sad that, when it comes to accommodations, people's needs are seen as a financial burden on the company... I understand it is a business, finances do matter, but it really takes the human-ness out of it all, which is kind of the whole point of accommodations. To recognize individual human needs.

At some point, I think, I will disclose in one way or another my autism (formally with diagnosis or informally to fellow colleagues). I suppose my method of delivery matters most? Don't come in too hard and with unreasonable requests? Start small? And I need to in order to avoid another burnout. Either that, or I will quit and try to find an employer more open to hiring neurodivergent staff.

 

[Outdated]

So I'm entertaining the idea of diagnosis and disclosure now, as things are getting worse for me.

I think I had an advantage over many of you today simply because when I was growing up and during most of my work life no one had ever heard of the word autism outside of mental health professionals. I knew I was different but I never had a word for it.

I used to change jobs often, not many workplaces have pleasant social environments - my definition of pleasant anyway. So I got used to doing many interviews and I got good at them and I got used to describing myself well enough from the start.

"I'm not very sociable, I don't come here to make friends and I don't do work christmas parties, I just like to be left alone to do my job."

So that was the accommodation that I needed, "I'm happy to slave away for long hours and I'm bloody good at what I do but you keep the monkeys off my back.".

 

[TBRS1]

@TBRS1

I am answering your questions as an exercise, but you don't need to respond to this if you don't want to.

1. What real benefit will I get by telling?
Understanding from my colleagues so I don't have to waste my energy on masking so much and worrying about social interactions. This would give me more energy to complete my work, and just in general. Understanding when there's a miscommunication (me asking clarifying questions is apparently an insult to someone's authority sometimes), and accommodating for different communication styles. Understanding when I have a 'spiky' skill set - some tasks are extremely easy for me and other tasks take me ages because they are just different.

2. What do I risk by doing so?
That my colleagues simply do not understand and make worklife even harder for me. Judgment, stigma, etc. I am a very high masker and while I've been trying slowly to drop it at work, people get weirded out when I'm having an off day where I can't mask as well. Which makes me mask harder to avoid suspicion. It's a vicious cycle that I am realizing I can't keep up. But there would be a stark difference if I felt free to be genuine at work. Almost every social interaction plagues me later, leaving me wondering if I did something wrong. I've had a lot of anxiety lately from that and work decisions themselves coming under scrutiny as well.

3. Since once it is said it can't be unsaid, do I need to say it now, or is it OK to wait until later?
I can wait until after a diagnosis, but I am getting the impression from the other replies that even with diagnosis in hand, life doesn't exactly get easier at work. Maybe I might get the accommodations I need, but it comes at the cost of colleagues not understanding/believing me or literal mistreatment from them.

My boyfriend asked me if I would ever seek a diagnosis and I said, 'only if it gets so bad that I need accommodations at work'. As I've gotten older, I always thought life would get easier, but I am finding it just gets harder and harder. I understand this is common for autistics, particularly those who mask a lot, it wears down on the body mentally and physically. So I'm entertaining the idea of diagnosis and disclosure now, as things are getting worse for me.

I understand. I was undiagnosed and masking hard until I was able to finally retire. That was the first time I felt OK in 50 years.

I can't offer much advice, I didn't do so well my self. I did ask for accommodations, and got them, but it hurt me in other ways.

But I had to do it because otherwise I couldn't continue working.

If you know the people you work for and with, it might help you figure out how they are likely to respond (like, do co-workers do nasty gossip & backstabbing?, How long do people tend to stay with the employer, and when they leave, why do they leave? - these two things will tell you a lot about the local culture).