mariecurie
Active Member
Hello everyone,
Being in a relationship with this guy for 4 months now and I am certain I've never felt a stronger attraction/love. We met on the internet, I approached him because he was interesting. I never regretted it. We clicked like a clock. He has AS, but Im sure this is partially why I love him so much. He said he loved me too. Everytime we're together it feels like the peak of my life. I am 2 years older and I have more experience than him which seemed to bother him, but he broke through. We're both suicidal, I have an assortiment of mental disorders. In a way, we're alike. We used to say we're the same person. Not anymore.
Everything was great before he asked me about previous relationships. I told him everything, including that one night stand I once had out of curiosity (+all the details surrounding it, because he asked). It was a month before I tried killing myself and three months before I met him. He broke down and nothing is the same for him ever since. For him, if you once turn slutty, all is lost and never forgiven. If i offer my body to anyone, it makes him not special and not good enough. He says he keeps thinking about it even though he doesn't want to. After I said multiple times, what exactly the intention was and convinced him in every way i know that Im not a slut and never was and never will be, I offered him all the books/media I know about mind over matter, but his brain seems to be wired differently. Last night, he tried breaking up with me because he said he doesnt want to hurt me. He also said he'll never love me as purely again and he doesn't see a future with me. But when I asked him what he wants, he was certain he wants the life with me and to be normal and happy. In the end, I told him what hes doing will hurt me far more than anything else. So I guess we're still together, but it doesn't really feel like it. Its really dellicate to talk about this since literally nothing I tried convinced him to forgive me. I know we'll both die out of hating ourselves for not keeping the other.
He keeps asking me to help him as if he was drowning and I have no idea what to do anymore. I beg you, people, help.
Being in a relationship with this guy for 4 months now and I am certain I've never felt a stronger attraction/love. We met on the internet, I approached him because he was interesting. I never regretted it. We clicked like a clock. He has AS, but Im sure this is partially why I love him so much. He said he loved me too. Everytime we're together it feels like the peak of my life. I am 2 years older and I have more experience than him which seemed to bother him, but he broke through. We're both suicidal, I have an assortiment of mental disorders. In a way, we're alike. We used to say we're the same person. Not anymore.
Everything was great before he asked me about previous relationships. I told him everything, including that one night stand I once had out of curiosity (+all the details surrounding it, because he asked). It was a month before I tried killing myself and three months before I met him. He broke down and nothing is the same for him ever since. For him, if you once turn slutty, all is lost and never forgiven. If i offer my body to anyone, it makes him not special and not good enough. He says he keeps thinking about it even though he doesn't want to. After I said multiple times, what exactly the intention was and convinced him in every way i know that Im not a slut and never was and never will be, I offered him all the books/media I know about mind over matter, but his brain seems to be wired differently. Last night, he tried breaking up with me because he said he doesnt want to hurt me. He also said he'll never love me as purely again and he doesn't see a future with me. But when I asked him what he wants, he was certain he wants the life with me and to be normal and happy. In the end, I told him what hes doing will hurt me far more than anything else. So I guess we're still together, but it doesn't really feel like it. Its really dellicate to talk about this since literally nothing I tried convinced him to forgive me. I know we'll both die out of hating ourselves for not keeping the other.
He keeps asking me to help him as if he was drowning and I have no idea what to do anymore. I beg you, people, help.
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