Depression - Just Snap Out of It

[Sportster]

Depression. Is it really a thing a person can just snap out of?

 

[King_Oni]

For me... it's the ramifications caused by it. Yes, for me it's how my life develops because of AS.

I've been told to snap out of it a few times yes... by my doctor. Not my mom or dad, not my girlfriend, not any other friends. No... by the person who should in fact treat depression and suicidal ideation in a more delicate way than say your parents or friends.

My last visit with him ended in an argument where he told me "get your act together". I'm beginning to wonder if this good sir knows about autism and the entire list of comorbid issues I have including a slight case of bipolar, ptsd and "severe" ADHD. And the hints of a handful of personality disorders.

I get depressed because the people that actually need to listen to me don't take it serious. I need people that actually are in charge to help me sort stuff out... that's what gets me depressed. And having someone like my doctor tell me to "figure stuff out and make a plan to act accordingly" (in terms of career and education) does not compute right now. I'm too scatterbrained to even get started on that... and yes I do blame that on all the crap I'm dealing with for the past few years. Then add in some slight financial stress.

I've had numerous conversations with therapists and specialists and they were all conclusive enough to state "you can't fix this on your own... you need people that can open those proverbial doors for you and you need to have financial resources, cause it's a nigh impossible situation for an individual to deal with". So to some extent specialists know that it's not a huge technical imbalance or anything... it can't be treated by taking a pill. It needs to be treated by presumably guidance and a big pile of money... oh, guidance costs a big pile of money as well. A very big pile of money it is. And that entire notion does NOT get through to some people that pull from all sides. No wonder I report in and state "I'm depressed" every once in a while when the social security office.

I should add, that I do know how to get my act together and I"m working on it. I just know some things cannot be fixed (or hardly) and others take time... and neither of them is an answer the ones "in charge" care for.

I could ramble on here... about the annoyance how some people that have to deal with me on a professional level know nothing about me and my problems and assume that everything can be fixed easily.

I also noticed that a lot of times causes for depression (and I've blogged about it a while ago. Found here) is that tried and tested methods aren't really methods that apply to "us". There's no "be social" for an aspie for example.

 

[Kuribo]

I am often depressed because of the way Neurotypicals behave towards me, because of my Autism.

Right now, I am depressed because of cyber-bullying.

 

[King_Oni]

You hit the nail on the head!!! I get so sick of people, especially “friends” telling me, “You need to get out,” or “You sit in your house and brood,” or “You live alone and sit around thinking about things.” Sheesh, but they make me sound like the Unabomber. I do NOT like to go out, as I am uncomfortable in crowded places, noisy places, or crowded noisy places. Besides, why do I need to get out? I’m quite happy at home. And yes, I do live alone. What’s wrong with that? I have one set of friends that do seem to be taking the time to get to know me, especially since I have disclosed being an Aspie. They do not drop last minute invitations on me, nor do they invite me to unfamiliar or crowded places. My depression can come for no reason, but the behavior of some friends can also trigger it.

It's one of those things I read a lot how to "treat" depression... but I just fail to see how that works. The same as "volunteering". It might work for some, but I'm sure it doesn't work for all. Besides; it's not like I can joke around as a volunteer. I have to deal with obligations and I can pretty much be "fired" as a volunteer as well. That notion never sat right with me, when I'm already having problems keeping a regular job because of a... I should say handful, but actually it's a bucketful, of problems.

I've actually been told by a therapist that getting out is probably one of the worse things I can do, considering my state and all the comorbid disorders (or slight parts of it) that are within me. And that was when we discussed depression and not neccesarily that autism was even part of my diagnosis (since that was about half a year later after said convo).

 

[King_Oni]

Each time I read, post, and get a response, I'm amazed. I wish I had found this site a long time ago. I, too, have difficulty keeping a job. The one I have now is the longest at 5 1/2 years. Believe it or not, but I have had 72 jobs in my life. People used to joke about how I could waltz in and out of jobs, which was easy a few years ago. Now, at my age and in this economy, it's not as easy. I feel trapped, even more so working in a hostile work environment. Thus far, it seems every Aspie with whom I've communicated has had the same issues with employment. Maybe we should consider forming our own country. :rolleyes2:

Longest I managed was 18 months... and I was in therapy after 3 months cause of my job. And then some sidejobs I had to quit cause of suicidal tendencies and ideation... not the best place to be I guess.

I actually dropped out of school more often than I had jobs.

Talking aspergers and jobs; there's a book out about it which is a fine read called Asperger's on the job. Even in that book, written by someone who knows at least "something" (though I don't want to discredit Rudi Simone) about Aspergers to say the least it says that roughly 80% of people with autism are in fact unemployed. And that's not a lot different in other countries... over here, 1 in 100 has autism and also here.. about 80% is unemployed.

The entire deal with jobs, and that's part of this thread even; I'm getting so depressed because of failing services and ignorant people. I can manage my life fine on social security so far. I cannot manage it when I have to deal with ignorant people that think autism is like a flu.

 

[gregmcph]

Hi.
Well, I find it a subtle game.
I've gotten "You should go out" line from my wife, and she's given it to my youngest daughter too.
Obviously that overload and confrontation is exactly not what you want. That just ups the problem into outright Crisis mode.
But, I have found a long term lock away from humans doesn't work either. That leads to a stewing paranoid head and withdrawal.

For me, the solution is a bit of quiet for a while. "Please, please, I love you, but let me be for a bit." And then I have my family there to re-humanise me. A quiet little bit of life around me to remind me that the world hasn't collapsed. That someone out there still cares for me a bit.

And then I am Human again.

 

[Undiagnosed]

Depression is a serious condition and can be dangerous too. You don't just snap out of it. You can learn how to deal with it and you can treat it though.

 

[Geordie]

We can't 'snap out' of autism. We can, however, seek support whenever we know we're down for a looooong time

 

[King_Oni]

Depression is a serious condition and can be dangerous too. You don't just snap out of it. You can learn how to deal with it and you can treat it though.

Presumably yes... you can treat it. You can also be made more aware what causes depression. Which is really important by itself. Drugging someone for depression while (s)he's living in a "toxic" environment is much like using an inhaler while you smoke.

 

[Ylva]

Somewhat unconventionally, when I find myself unable to get out of bed in the morning or do anything, I turn the sitting still and staring on itself. I can't tell exactly what happens, but telling myself: "Today I'll just sit here and stare at the wall" makes it meaningful in a way.

 

[Dragon's Tooth]

I find that help is usually not what I need. No one yet has been able to give me the help I need. I just give up.

 

[King_Oni]

I find that help is usually not what I need. No one yet has been able to give me the help I need. I just give up.

Do you feel there is help that can help you? And that the help you get just doesn't suit your needs?

 

[Daniel]

I find that help is usually not what I need. No one yet has been able to give me the help I need. I just give up.

I just read your latest blog post, and I wish I could do something for you. I've been in a crazy-bad funk myself, and I've been lying awake at night thinking my own version of those same thoughts. Hope it helps to know that someone out there is pulling for you!

I'm actually thinking of seeking out some new help for myself. I found a pamphlet for a crisis hotline that says they can refer the caller to services, so I'm think of trying that.

I wish I hadn't watched Long Island Medium and Stranded recently, 'cause now I'm convinced that if I ended it, I would just stick around haunting the people who loved me. Even getting out doesn't fix it. I'm not at all trying to make light of depression or suicide--if anything, that realization has been something that's given me enough perspective to get me off the mental ledge.

 

[Dragon's Tooth]

Do you feel there is help that can help you? And that the help you get just doesn't suit your needs?

I think there is the possibility of someone who can help me evict the demons that follow me every day of my life but I haven't met them yet. Most therapists I meet are quick to whip out their prescription pad and send you on your way. I've been there done that got the T shirt and I'm still in the same place as I started. I've done all the talking BS, I've done all the standard "that covers 90% of people things". I'm fully prepared to try the hard work answers. I'm fully prepared to do what it takes ... I just can't seem to find the answer I need.

I think I need like cognitive reprogramming or something but to get that help ... that just doesn't exist in the town I live in.

I'm slowly dying in this town. I can't talk to anyone about it either ... if I tell my husband how I feel he just makes it all about him, I have no friends ... I have nothing ... I can't talk to my family ... the only "friends" I have are on the internet ... I can't even get a bloody job at a fast food restaurant ...

one day I will get the guts up to kill myself ... I have known for a very long time that is how my life will end ... I just don't know when. I know I should feel happy and grateful for what I have - I have food in my cupboards, I have a roof over my head, I have a husband who loves me, I have clothes on my back, I have money in our bank account. So many would kill for what I have. What do I really have to complain about?

I just wish I could claw all of the hurt and crap out my head ... make it go away.

 

[Kuribo]

I think there is the possibility of someone who can help me evict the demons that follow me every day of my life but I haven't met them yet. Most therapists I meet are quick to whip out their prescription pad and send you on your way. I've been there done that got the T shirt and I'm still in the same place as I started. I've done all the talking BS, I've done all the standard "that covers 90% of people things". I'm fully prepared to try the hard work answers. I'm fully prepared to do what it takes ... I just can't seem to find the answer I need.

I think I need like cognitive reprogramming or something but to get that help ... that just doesn't exist in the town I live in.

I'm slowly dying in this town. I can't talk to anyone about it either ... if I tell my husband how I feel he just makes it all about him, I have no friends ... I have nothing ... I can't talk to my family ... the only "friends" I have are on the internet ... I can't even get a bloody job at a fast food restaurant ...

one day I will get the guts up to kill myself ... I have known for a very long time that is how my life will end ... I just don't know when. I know I should feel happy and grateful for what I have - I have food in my cupboards, I have a roof over my head, I have a husband who loves me, I have clothes on my back, I have money in our bank account. So many would kill for what I have. What do I really have to complain about?

I just wish I could claw all of the hurt and crap out my head ... make it go away.

I'm sorry you feel this way. You seem like a great person, and suicide doesn't have to be the answer. Hang in there.

Here is some information about cognitive reprogramming. I don't know if it'll be of any help, but I thought I'd try to help...

 

[Ylva]

Book recs:

"A Guide to Rational Thinking" by Albert Ellis

"Sourcebook of Magic" by Michael Hall (on reprogramming)

 

[Dragon's Tooth]

thanks guys. My issues have been building a long time. I think I had a episode is all. Sorry I didn't mean to dump it all on you guys.

I live with this every day. I have good and bad days. today was a bad day. I have talked to my husband but I hate that look and attitude he gives me when I tell him stuff like this because he almost expects to wave a magic wand and fix it. He doesn't realize it needs to be thought through and worked through. He only thinks that way to make me happy I think.

I have come to terms with the fact I will probably in all likelihood die of suicide one day. You might think its strange but I really don't. One day the demons will win. Its just going to be a fact of my life. I will probably hold on for a while. My husband has been keeping me in this world lately so if I do in fact have children it will probably be after they have moved out of home and me and husband are at the **** u point of our relationship as we pass in the hallway.

I guess it might seem strange that I talk so openly about this. I do because I think this is what is really needed for mental illness. We as a society need to discuss it and demystify it. And in reality those who work in the mental health profession really have no clue at all about what goes on in someone's head who is mentally ill. Surveys and stuff don't answer the questions. They just lump people into groups. And mental illness is something you really can't apply statistics too to get a bunch of groups out of.

So you will find I am very open about mental health issues I face. I have a fair number of them. Anxiety, depression, my aspie-ness ... probably a couple others competing in there with those three. My family on both sides has a long history of mental health issues. My grandmother on my dad's side was probably bipolar and she was known to talk to herself before she died, my dad is has NPD, my mum is probably an aspie too and her father is definitely an aspie though it probably isn't worth him getting a diagnosis at his age. But I can see it. To top it all off add in alcoholism and a couple other things and I come from a pretty messed up blood line.

So I'm sorry for my outburst today ... I was in a pretty dark place. It will happen again. Too much stress this last week and finally facing up to a few things that had been bugging me.

If anyone does want to discuss mental health like depression with me they are welcome too. Sometimes having someone listen who has been to the depths of hell and back can help. And you know its to the depths of hell unlike most therapists ...

 

[Ylva]

By all means, "dump" as much on us as you feel like. We are not the sort of people to be beating around bushes, but many of us have real-life experience. We are here for you.

 

[Loomis]

My question is do all Aspies suffer from depression?

I have never suffered from depression. My problem has always been anxiety which I have lived with all of my life.

 

[_Josh_]

I'm prone to depression. I suffered a long bout and my worst bout during my late teens that dragged on until my early twenties. I hid most of it and never got any kind of professional help. My interests are what saved me and helped boost my spirits, though there were times that I lost all interest in anything other than brooding. I can in no way attempt to classify the level of depression, but I can say that I struggled through for what seemed like at the time was a never ending journey through the depths of hell. Slowly time helped heal, and that's the only thing I can mention that TRULY helped. Time. I gradually got used to who I am, the way I am, and now am fairly content with it. I still brood occasionally over what I don't have that I have an urge for and/or need. Stuff like a job, money, a significant other. I seem to only get depressed anymore though when I'm bored. It lasts only short times anymore thankfully. I would call my problems distressing rather than depressing. I fear depression though and have gotten a pretty good feel of what causes me to get depressed and avoid such thought patterns if at all possible. That's easier said than done though oftentimes. I fear what the future holds and hope that somehow, someway I'll find a way to make a living and support myself, meet a girl that digs me and I can dig. That's my main broods anymore. I sometimes brood, other times I think, dream, and hope. When the brooding starts, I staunch it the best I can by distracting myself and focusing on my interests and hobbies. Something that occupies my full attention and keeps me from feeling ******. Has to be something that requires full attention though, and not just muscle memory and basic visual cues or I still brood while doing things.