leviathan1701
Peace & Long Life
Hi there,
I know this may seem like a typical post relating to a bad date gone wrong but please hear me out.
I went on a date today with a guy who is neurotypical (just mentioning this as I'm the one who is on the autistic spectrum). If it makes any difference, both of us are gay. Unfortunately it ended in disaster. Yesterday we had a discussion on whether he wanted it to be friendly meet up or date. I wanted to allow him the freedom to choose (this was probably my first mistake) and he decided on a date. I also asked him if he was into displays of affection such as holding hands and he said yes, he would like to hold hands. I also allowed him this choice as I know some people like it, others don't. I just don't feel it was fair on him if I was solely in charge of laying down the rules. I believe that an equal say is important. I wonder if this was also another mistake I made... can situations like meet ups and dates etc. be treated like a democracy?
During the date, which was at a restaurant, he did not initiate the hand holding which I should have immediately realised that he probably didn't want to. However, I'm not a mind reader. Plus he did not say anything even after I asked repeatedly if he was comfortable. He said yes, he is comfortable. Possibly, my next mistake is that I put my hand on his leg but IN A FRIENDLY WAY. I did not squeeze or creep up his leg. I honestly thought that it's a social expectation after holding hands. Also, I honestly felt as though it was appropriate as it was my way of expressing empathy with regards to the conversation that we were having. It was not meant as an invasion of his space. I really did not mean to make him feel uncomfortable.
Afterwards, we walked around the mall and I held his arm. He did not object even after I repeatedly asked if he's comfortable. Once more, he said yes, he is comfortable.
When I got home, I received a wall of text saying he feels that we aren't suitable as a romantic couple. He's not in the "same realm as me". We should rather stay friends. That he should have spoken up during the date to say that he uncomfortable with me being so touchy and "grabby". In no way shape or form did I grab him.
Despite all of this, I feel like such an idiot. His message makes me feel like I molested him, even though I did nothing of the sort. Is it even worth it to try and stay friends with him? I really don't want to abandon him as everyone makes mistakes. He is genuinely a nice guy though.
I don't know what to do or how to think. I guess it would bring me some degree of comfort knowing if I'm not the only one who has done this before. If anyone has had experiences like this before, please feel free to share them.
I know this may seem like a typical post relating to a bad date gone wrong but please hear me out.
I went on a date today with a guy who is neurotypical (just mentioning this as I'm the one who is on the autistic spectrum). If it makes any difference, both of us are gay. Unfortunately it ended in disaster. Yesterday we had a discussion on whether he wanted it to be friendly meet up or date. I wanted to allow him the freedom to choose (this was probably my first mistake) and he decided on a date. I also asked him if he was into displays of affection such as holding hands and he said yes, he would like to hold hands. I also allowed him this choice as I know some people like it, others don't. I just don't feel it was fair on him if I was solely in charge of laying down the rules. I believe that an equal say is important. I wonder if this was also another mistake I made... can situations like meet ups and dates etc. be treated like a democracy?
During the date, which was at a restaurant, he did not initiate the hand holding which I should have immediately realised that he probably didn't want to. However, I'm not a mind reader. Plus he did not say anything even after I asked repeatedly if he was comfortable. He said yes, he is comfortable. Possibly, my next mistake is that I put my hand on his leg but IN A FRIENDLY WAY. I did not squeeze or creep up his leg. I honestly thought that it's a social expectation after holding hands. Also, I honestly felt as though it was appropriate as it was my way of expressing empathy with regards to the conversation that we were having. It was not meant as an invasion of his space. I really did not mean to make him feel uncomfortable.
Afterwards, we walked around the mall and I held his arm. He did not object even after I repeatedly asked if he's comfortable. Once more, he said yes, he is comfortable.
When I got home, I received a wall of text saying he feels that we aren't suitable as a romantic couple. He's not in the "same realm as me". We should rather stay friends. That he should have spoken up during the date to say that he uncomfortable with me being so touchy and "grabby". In no way shape or form did I grab him.
Despite all of this, I feel like such an idiot. His message makes me feel like I molested him, even though I did nothing of the sort. Is it even worth it to try and stay friends with him? I really don't want to abandon him as everyone makes mistakes. He is genuinely a nice guy though.
I don't know what to do or how to think. I guess it would bring me some degree of comfort knowing if I'm not the only one who has done this before. If anyone has had experiences like this before, please feel free to share them.